To be petrified of DS starting school?

[BranstonPickleAndNikNaks]

DS starts school in September. Winter baby, so amongst the older children in his year. I think he's ready for it, academically - he's bright and curious, can read simple words, and loves to learn.

But I feel like I'm throwing him to the wolves. It seems like every other day there's a news article / MN thread / anecdote from a friend about how terrible schools are at the moment.

He's my PFB and I'm prepared (hoping?) to be told I'm overreacting and to get over myself, but it's terrifying to read about children assaulting their teachers and each other, primary-aged kids viewing porn, classes being "taught" all year by an assortment of cover teachers who can't really be arsed and have no relationship with the kids, teachers on the front line on their knees, completely unsupported and unable to manage their classed...

We're in a medium-sized town and he'll be in a smallish two-form entry primary. But I feel like I'm sending my happy, innocent, curious little boy into this chaotic, violent free-for-all that just churns out depressed, traumatised automatons who hate learning.
Please tell me it's not as shit as it seems 🙏 Or if it is, please help me prepare him without letting on how scared I am 😭

YABU. Presumably you have visited the school, met the teachers, had taster days or sessions, seen the classroom and so on?

What do you feel about your specific school and the specific teacher and ta your child will be with?

DS is now 12 and we are no longer living in the UK, but he spent Reception to Year 3 in a village C of E school in England with lovely, committed teachers, a nice atmosphere, excellent teaching, and lots of fun and outdoor time/creativity. His Reception teachers in particular I will forever remember with great affection.

I think you're being quite dramatic tbh. You picked the school so you should know the type on environment you're sending him to. I've got 3 in school, no instances of bullying or any issues with any of them. You might get some bumps along the way but it's all part and parcel of growing up. If you go in with that attitude, your child will feed off your anxiety and you will get more issues then necessary.

What does PFB mean?

Precious First Born

I think primary schools are lovely places for children - not so much for teachers.

It is more secondary that’s somewhat brutal.

Honestly you're being ridiculously dramatic and the only thing that's likely to traumatise the poor kid is your anxiety and response to something as ordinary as starting school.

You realise that all the people whose children are happy at school don’t tend to post about it.

People post about problems. They don't post about things going well!

My youngest has just left Primary. In two children (not counting Covid...)

• one term DD2 had a long term Cover while regular teacher was ill.
• no Porn!! (In fact I'm not even sure my 13yo knows what it is!!)
• no assaults on teachers
• behaviour fine
• enthusiastic teachers
• good support for children with additional needs (including DD1)

Most schools are completely fine.

Thank you 🥰 Of course you all are right.
The school seems lovely, his teacher seems very friendly and approachable - almost Miss Honey in Mathilda level 😂 I havent met a TA; I don't know if there is one. The headteacher is fantastic and greets every child by name as they arrive in the morning, and often remembers to ask them about recent holidays, birthdays etc.
I do tend to spiral when I'm anxious about anything. (But have been careful to only say positive things to DS about the fun things you get to do in reception, so hopefully he hasn't picked up on too much of my anxiety.) Thank you for talking me down! I feel reassured ❤️

How do you think the thousands of other children that age go with it? And the next year groups and last year's?

No offence to your child but why would they be any different?

Presuming you viewed the school? My child starts reception in Sept. They're summer born and not at the stage of reading words like your child, but I still think they're ready overall. They're excited and I'm excited for them. We viewed several schools and got our first choice - it's a happy, vibrant place that I think will suit my child. I have no concerns about the school and am looking forward to the year ahead and all the experiences my child is going to have. If you're school has issues, is there an alternative you can consider?

Oh for goodness sake.

He'll go, he'll spend half the day playing with his friends, there's story time and music and running about at gym.

Throwing him to the wolves? You really need to get some perspective. It's a classroom filled with...other five year olds. It's fine.

You’ll have done your research, seen the school, be aware of the ethos, the attainment and the values of the school.

The alternative is HE.

One of the most important part of parenting is to raise what will become independent self sufficient adults.
To let them go safe in the knowledge they are equipped to deal with life in practical and emotional ways whilst taking responsibility themselves and for who ever else they decide to share their lives with.
School and all other activities such as clubs and organised sports outside of school, trips without parents etc, all these will help a great deal.
Let your child become independent and support him all the time. But don't keep him to yourself for fear there's a bad world out there which would be too overwhelming for him. Step by step, that's how they learn. Otherwise children would never be allowed to run, jump, swim, cross the road and, later, use the internet, travel on their own, learn to drive a car...
You survived primary school, and so did millions of children. Your son will be fine.
Be brave and think long term!

(Typing that out I realise we're actually quite spoilt with a lovely school. I will back away from the scary news articles and MN threads - I realise teachers and relatives of teachers do need a place to vent and that it's healthy where there are problems that those are brought to light. But probably not the threads for me to be hanging out on!)

These horror stories are usually from secondary schools. Primary schools are very different. In fact I think primary schools in the UK are generally really fantastic. My dc went to two primary schools as we moved house. Both were great and they loved it.

I have 3 kids complete primary and secondary in England and none of them became depressed automatons. Like the majority of pupils they made friends, learned and gained some qualifications along the way.

I think with situations such as school, it's important to keep things in perspective OP.

Many thousands of children are starting school in a couple of weeks. Is your child very different in terms of needs to other children his age? If not, he'll be great. There will be bumps in the road, but schools are good at helping children through these. He's in the same boat as everyone else.

DS1 had a tough time in early primary, because he had undiagnosed ASD/ADHD. Once he was diagnosed and meds were sorted, he flew. He's just got almost full marks in his SATs and is excited about secondary.

Your DS will be fine, most of the time.

Kids who see porn are those allowed unsupervised access to the internet. You know how to prevent that happening to your child, OP.

I'm a 2nd year teacher in a two-form smallish town primary; the teachers are lovely and in full control; our pass rate for phonics was excellent last year and the children have a fabulous time.

I retained comparatively late in life and still feel on a steep learning curve, but I'll be OK and I know other recently qualified teachers in the school who are brilliant. There's low staff turnover here and while not everyone is entirely happy, and a few kids can be tricky, we generally have great morale. One child who was really out of control at the start of YR was quickly taught how to behave and is making excellent academic progress.

I have found academy-led schools to be trickier for staff, but they still have good results usually for the children and good facilities. 'Rough' areas may have more tricky children, as they are more likely to have experienced trauma growing up, but they are not unable to be taught how to behave, and their respect can be gained with clear boundaries and understanding.

Primary School is not what you need to be worrying about. Dd is in y6 at a lovely primary. Few friendship issues last couple of years but the teachers are very nurturing and caring etc. secondary schools are a different beast entirely

Most small towns in the UK have normal , quite normal primaries. Only London has issues I think

We are in London...my dcs primary school was three form entry so pretty big. However, what issues are you talking about? It was a lovely school...very nurturing despite it's size

@LittleBearPad that is such a good point!!!