Suspect team member is undiagnosed ND

[Ilovethewild]

I know, it’s AIBU, but wanted a general consensus…

I have ND partner and child, have worked around ND, work in supportive field. I often come across suspected undiagnosed ND in clients.
i have a team member that I am starting to believe is ND, but don’t think she has ever suspected.

communication has always been more challenging for them and they need more help in navigating through this eg for me to highlight the specifics in an email, giving 2 step instructions. Support around varying communication depending on others etc. picking up social cues, going down a wrong rabbit hole through misunderstanding. Inability to stop talking to hear something.

its never been an issue as most of us benefit from learning new things and having managers support. However something has come up and it would be helpful for them if they are ND for this to be recognised and formally supported through work.

they are good at their job, no concerns there, but to develop they might need this support.

AIBU to ask supportively if they ever suspected a ND? Or should I leave alone, knowing they may struggle..

The diagnosis is irrelevant. If they need support, you give them support. Reasonable adjustments are based on challenges and needs in the workplace, not on diagnosis. The Equality Act is quite clear on that and, if HR is pushing for the diagnosis before agreeing to OH assessment, they should be encouraged to read it.
ETA: this does not even account for the fact that ND assessment can take years to come through and all this time the person is not getting any workplace support if their eligibility is diagnosis-based.

It’s not your place to say anything. You don’t even know if they think they may be ND but don’t want a formal diagnosis (or interfering work colleagues trying to organise their work lives).
If support is needed then facilitate that support if that’s part of your role at work. Otherwise, keep out of it.

I’m guessing this is an opportunity specifically aimed at people with NDs so OP can’t recommend it to the team member without implying they have ND. Otherwise, you’d just suggest/offer without a second thought, I’d imagine.

I guess you could offer the course with a caveat that team member may find it helpful despite not being diagnosed with ND, and suggest they enquire ‘in case there is additional capacity’.

NHS queues for ND assessments are years long even assuming the waiting lists are open at all.

Many GPs will not refer unless there is significant evidence of problems in daily life (and they are likely to feel that holding down a job means no problems)

You could mention it but unless they have a lot of spare cash or know someone who does it won't change anything.

Getting an NHS assessment is almost impossible as an adult, so unless your colleague can pay privately, the absolute best case scenario is that they would be stuck on a very long waiting list (but many GPs won't even refer).

Unless your colleague opens up to you and asks for advice/support, I don't think you can bring this up - it might be very shocking to them if it's something they have never considered.

If the 'something' that has come up is, e.g. an event for neurodivergent colleagues your best approach would be to promote this across the whole team rather than singling one person out.

Whatever the 'something' that has come up is, if it could be of benefit to anyone on the team with a neurodiversity then the best approach is probably to let the whole team know that it exists and how to access it.

What is your workplace's disability policy OP?
At mine, you don't need a diagnosis to request reasonable adjustments. You do need an occupational health assessment.

Also, currently you're all supportive, but no job lasts forever. What happens if your colleague gets a new one? In another workplace whether they struggle?

If you've been 'covering' for your colleague up to this point, it's in their long-term interests to have their shortcomings point out. You can then mention that it looks like ND traits.

At least they can start the process or go private if they want to.

BTW I have suspected ND and even before seeking a formal diagnosis I found online resources etc extremely helpful. So just raising the possibility isn't worthles

There is Right to Choose so some people can get diagnosed within a couple of years. However I'm not sure on the ins and outs of suggesting it to a colleague.

You can get support through Access to Work and you do not need a diagnosis. I am diagnosed and have been given coaching with a job coach, a sit stand desk, ANC headphones, text to speech software. However it's only free if you have under 50 employees. Otherwise £500 is free then the employer pays 20% of things on top of that.

I think if I had a suspected ND employee I may research a bit more on things that help to see if there is anything more I can do.

I empathise a lot as tbh a lot of things that benefit ND employees would benefit everyone- clearer meeting agendas, actions written down over email, clarity not vagueness in instructions. One major thing I learned is I assumed everyone understands things, but people actually make assumptions about me too! My coach always says no question is a stupid question, there are no stupid questions and is slowly teaching me how to ask for clarity. At the same time I have some firm must dos to help with performance.

Are you sure that the support available is strong and definitely worth the potential upset?

It shouldn’t really take a formal diagnosis to access support. If you have identified a need and a form of support that would be beneficial then why does it take a diagnosis to provide it?

You don't ask the question but offer support or training regardless.

It may be that they are already aware.

I'm fully aware that I am ND but I'm 61, I've no desire to put myself through NHS diagnosis simply to be told something I already know. There would be no benefit to me.

Many GPs will not refer unless there is significant evidence of problems in daily life (and they are likely to feel that holding down a job means no problems)

My GP wouldn’t refer me. Said”why do you want a label at your time of life?” I was in my late 50s when I asked.

Yes, it’s not about a diagnosis, I’m fully aware that is not required to access additional support,
my q is really about do I raise that I think they may be ND (obviously not outright).
im aware so many women miss this diagnosis earlier.

i already offer them support but the organisation doesn’t as she hasn’t told them/isn’t aware she might be ND.

most are saying butt out…

In school, we offer the relevant support anyway, students don't need the diagnosis.

You can't bring up suspected ND with your colleague, but you can arrange a meeting with HR to discuss reasonable adjustments. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a diagnosis but hadn't shared it (my DH was in this situation with a colleague at work; he just offered the relevant support).

I'd be very careful, if they've never suspected they may be ND then they may not see themselves as struggling and could take it as an insult if you mention it. I was diagnosed aged 25 but always suspected I was ND/different in a way.
They might not be ND and may just need extra support at work, I personally wouldn't be suggesting anyone was ND as I'm not a professional and you only see them at work

At the moment you haven’t been clear why you would comment. Why is it necessary? What’s the advantage?

To the team member, not you!

No, you don’t tell her you think she might be ND. Jesus Christ.

Unless you’re super close and are friends I wouldn’t. You’ve no idea how they’ll take it. It could be insulting or upsetting to them.

I think it is impossible to know whether a question you see as constructive and potentially leading to improved self awareness etc could easily be received as a devastating revelation as to how others perceived her if that is at odds with how she perceives herself, leading to self doubt as to her worth as an employee.

Especially as you are her manager so the implications of her realising you have been observing these 'faults' all this time, I think they're is potential for the effect to be in a different vein to the one you are hoping to achieve.

I think you are misconstruing your relevant background as creating a platform for this conversation, you are picturing your deep understanding as being the key to it being acceptable and supportive.
But actually your relationship with her is not that of someone she is seeking an opinion on for deeply personal private matters.
If she spoke to her Dr there would be a trust of confidentiality which is not necessarily inherent in your relationship, she could spiral worrying about who you may have discussed this with, implications for future promotion etc etc.

It is so inappropriate.

100% this

This is absolutely spot on.

@KeirSpoutsTwaddle

Why so you think so many people are desperate for a diagnosis if there are no advantages?

The OP's employee is currently 'good at her job' with all this scaffolding. What do you think will happen when she moves to a less supportive team?

I'm ND myself, late diagnosed. Even NT people struggle when they switch teams with a different culture, like management style etc. it's 1000x worse for us and doubly so when we don't know 'why' we're failing. Instead of being supportive most people just try to get rid ASAP.

A formal diagnosis - or at least steps towards one allows you some protection against disability discrimination.

The other thing is, as an objective professional her faults are something impeding her work. #bekind aside, it's a manager's job to give their staff constructive feedback as to what they can improve on.

Because people notice. Even if they don't say anything, they notice. And they talk. It's not about direct promotion/non-promotion or performance in your current role. You won't be the one with a good reputation who gets the plum projects, people won't send others your way. And if you don't understand yourself you won't put yourself in the roles where you can shine

So many people who were being protected fall flat on their faces when the team disbands. It's 2024 , this happens all the time there's very little company loyalty anymore.

I'm so grateful that my first couple of managers were frank with me. The reading up, understanding etc before official diagnosis explained so much. If not for them I'd have been stuck in a junior role - good at my job -but not fit for leadership instead of getting promotion after promotion.

BTW I totally agree OP will be sticking her neck out raising this. Keeping quiet is the best for her. But not the employee.

My GP was happy to refer me for assessment. I'm 69!

I'm seeing a counsellor/psychotherapist and she recommended I seek a diagnosis. She's positive that I'm ND but still felt it important to get an actual diagnosis.