Suspect team member is undiagnosed ND

[Ilovethewild]

I know, it’s AIBU, but wanted a general consensus…

I have ND partner and child, have worked around ND, work in supportive field. I often come across suspected undiagnosed ND in clients.
i have a team member that I am starting to believe is ND, but don’t think she has ever suspected.

communication has always been more challenging for them and they need more help in navigating through this eg for me to highlight the specifics in an email, giving 2 step instructions. Support around varying communication depending on others etc. picking up social cues, going down a wrong rabbit hole through misunderstanding. Inability to stop talking to hear something.

its never been an issue as most of us benefit from learning new things and having managers support. However something has come up and it would be helpful for them if they are ND for this to be recognised and formally supported through work.

they are good at their job, no concerns there, but to develop they might need this support.

AIBU to ask supportively if they ever suspected a ND? Or should I leave alone, knowing they may struggle..

Do not do this.

I have recently discovered my neurodivergence as a woman in my forties. I have not yet some to terms with it enough to disclose at work. I don't know if I will, I have not decided. If someone suddenly suggested to me that I was ND at work it would really affect me and my journey through this new discovery about myself. It's not supportive.

Absolutely do not!!!

If she takes it badly HR might throw the book at you.

This is a really helpful perspective, but it only might be good for the employee from their point of view.

Everything you said is true about diagnosis and protection etc but the employee might not feel that way at all and it could be a real bombshell which sends them reeling. Even if they come to your pov further down the line, the process of digesting the suggestion could be very derailing.

But, to achieve the same end, a safer (for op and the employee) approach might be to have some diversity training in the workplace, where the issues can be raised specifically but not personally related to this one person, but the effects of Nd on their work, what support is available, benefits of diagnosis, legal protections etc etc can be highlighted and an invitation that any employee who feels they are affected by these issues can have a confidential chat with management where they will find a constructive conversation can be had.

That would be a more circumspect but equally proactive way to help this employee make the most of this supportive workplace and the opportunities on offer. Creating a way for that conversation to happen in a less jarring way.

The team would benefit too I imagine, they all have to work together.
And actually many of the things that can be put into place for Nd are beneficial for all so there may be other side benefits.

@OlympicChampignon I was asking from the pov of what was prompting the thought now. Was there a specific reason it needs to be raised. Her first post gave me that impression.

Otherwise, I don’t agree with you. Many members of DH’s family appear to me to be ND. One is considering diagnosis for her and her dc, but DH (also probably ND) doesn’t want it. One would say he isn’t, though certainly has traits. He’s very averse to the diagnosis. And the one most in need of assessment and assistance hasn’t considered it and is only now bearing it in mind as a possibility, but has no idea what to do about it.

Some people may feel like you but many many others would strongly disagree.

Perimeno also makes symptoms worse. I can't remember half the things I used to be able to.

If you were going to say it I would go along the lines of we've been discussing xyz for a while and come up with some strategies. There's a few other things like x has come up and I am wondering if there is anything else going on for you that I can support with. See what they say. If it's still an issue then I think you could say have you considered that you may be ND? I came across it because of X and I recognise some of the signs are XYZ.

However for most people when they first get dx later in life, you need to understand that things often get worse before they get better. This is written in the ADHD UK booklet for employers that you may find helpful (available on their website).

Thank you all for the feedback

Just guide them where needed and let them be