7 after school activities for 5 year old

[Groomofthestool]

Please help

My dd is 5 and starting in September will be attending 5 activities per week.
Monday -Swim
Tuesday -Gymnastics
Wednesday -Music
Sat morn- Sport
Sun morn -Sport

I already think this is too much. DH is now pushing to add in figure skating and dance. These are things she loves but she will be exhausted surely?! I mean when does she have time to see family, have a bath, do play dates, do crafts? I don't know how to reason with him. The debate is getting heated. AIBU?

Too much. When do you fit in playdates and just bring a child

It looks like a lot but could be doable depending on times.

How much is he planning to take her to himself?

What would she otherwise be doing?

Does he appreciate what she will realistically.be achieving at that age? E.g. music might be better to wait and do that one through the school if they have an external provider.

I see sat and sun are down as sport. Isn't gymnastics, swim, dance and ice skating sport? Are they informal I.e a park run that you can opt in or out of?

I think that's a huge amount for such a young child. I have two high energy children, but even they got/ get exhausted towards the end of term. For.a reception age child, I think you might find her burning out and making your family life very challenging. What do you do, as a family, for relaxation? Are you all equally active? Who takes her to all of these classes, you or your husband, or a mix?

I'd also have one eye to the future. If you intend having another child, soon, then how will you facilitate such a hectic timetable? How will you manage two children's multiple classes?

I think that's a little bit excessive. I know towards the end of each term my five year old is knackered and has to have easy evenings before bedtime. I honestly can't imagine having her in something every day. My DD does swimming on a Saturday morning which is none negotiable and then one evening does Rainbows. The latter ticks the boxes of crafts and learning things which she enjoys. I think she'd enjoy something like football or athletics too but she absolutely has to have time at home to switch off from school. Also at 5 they are so often chopping and changing what they want to do. Id imagine that many activities a week would also make her more likely to want to change them because she knows dad will just put her into something else. At some point she will need to learn to choose between a certain amount of activities and to do something else she'll need to give something up.

My primary age kids do a lot of sporting activities including two on a Saturday morning. They are very energetic. They have one free evening a week which I refuse to fill (despite them asking to do more). They have down time in the hols and on weekend afternoons but I do not allow any screen time during the week (including TV) as we cannot fit it in.

I think it depends what else you would do with the time. Going into year 6 and 7 many kids appear to give up hobbies this works for some families but I would prefer them to continue with active hobbies as long as possible so I am hoping if my kids drop 50% of their clubs in the teen years they will still keep a few going.

Figure skating at 5 is fine for some kids. My dd was skateboarding and dropping in off 3 foot ramps at just turned 6. Most people were surprised by how she took to the sport at such a young age. She terrified adults watching at the park.

What’s your DH going to do if DD starts refusing to go to things? Our 10yo is a real homebody. He does 1 school club and hockey on Sundays. That’s the bare minimum that we’ve set him, so it’s all he agreed to do.

How will he handle her behaviour? Because reception kids get exhausted and ragey towards the end of terms, especially spring summer so he needs to anticipate that. It will be tough to balance acceptable boundaries while understanding that she is exhausted (and yes, that will be exacerbated by classes and sport). Does he realise that school will also expect reading daily at home in reception and then add on number work in year 1, then more each year? Does he want her to be no1 at everything and will expect her to do loads of extra homework as well as clubs?

The thing with hobbies...
Its one session a week now. But it soon rises... the sports become a practice and a match. Or a different type of dance. Or they need a practice between lessons...

You need to leave some breathing space!
Dance Or Gym Or Skating
A team sport (or something like Rainbows)
Music
Swimming

Ask what she wants to do!

For me it depends on how long each activity is.

Swimming - half an hour lesson after school and home by 5pm can still mean getting h9me before kids in wraparound care (who are usually doing sporting stuff and running around!)

Music - half an hour sat down playing an instrument?

Sport - would be helpful to define this. There's a difference between 3 hours intense tennis coaching and a 30-60 minute football club type thing.

Gymnastics - I'm guessing again this is just a rec group for an hour? And again many will still be at school running around if in wraparound.

So how long is the ice skating and dance?

If an hour each and can be fit in around other short activities I wouldn't rule it out. Would she prefer to do one of those over another activity?

The only time it will become too much is if she happens to show a real talent for one and wants to increase her time in it - and needs to to progress. Then you'll start to need to make decisions.

Personally, I think at that age (especially before about 6) extra curricular clubs are unnecessary. They can be picked up when they’re older. I don’t think they need anything much extra apart from school 5 days. I think it’s important to think about what the real benefits are and who they are for. I also think a lot of the clubs at this age can be too structured and expect the child to do one thing when they’d rather be doing another. All children are different but for the majority, there is no need for that many clubs for a 5 year old. They need plenty of down time, relaxation and unstructured play. They have no rest days with school and all those clubs. Mine just does swimming.

Does your DD get a say in this as you say DH wants her to do figure skating and dance? If she is keen to do those then I'd say she has to give up something else .
She is going to be exhausted otherwise am she's not even allowed to rest on the weekend.
At that age my DDs did swimming and rainbows and that was enough. DD2 did go through a stage at around 8 of doing activities 6 days a week. It lasted a term before she cut back as it was too much for her.

I think paying for loads of activities would end up in lots of wasted fees for days they had to miss due to illness at this age.

Just this last school year my Reception child had slapped cheek syndrome, a vomiting bug, a cold, a diarrhoea bug, an ear thing, and chickenpox was doing the rounds...the list goes on. Not only do they need time off from all their usual activities when the illness is at its height but also they are often really tired and out of sorts for a few days before and afterwards, and they are the days when they just need to do low key relaxing things at home.

@TickingAlongNicely we had the same philosophy. We thought three (four max) at any one time was about right. Actively avoided dance though as they showed no interest. Also relieved that they showed no interest in that as the extras for dance were very expensive - shoes, costumes for shows and tickets for shows really added up from what friends said. We prioritised swimming which they both did into their teens and found Rainbows/ Brownies/ Guides wonderful for the range of experiences. Then it was music and gymnastics consistently and a range of other sports as the fancy took. I also think that the opportunity for unstructured time at home without TV or other screens is really important.

Even 5 is too many.

The current schedule gives her Thursday and Friday free, as well as Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

Is she coming from long nursery days or will starting reception be a shock to the system?

Where is she fitting in the other two activities?

How long / what time are her current activities? (I am assuming her current activities aren't lasting several hours or taking place late?)

I think she's already doing enough.

My 6yo swims at 6.30pm on Monday's (only timeslot available we are waiting for something more suitable) and it's a nightmare.

The schedule you have is more like my very active 9yo's schedule and even she is shattered by the end of the week.

And the music won't be just one day as if there is any decent progress to be made then 15 minutes of daily practice is needed too. And if the child can't see progress then it's pretty dispiriting in each lesson.

I am with you OP. You’re ‘managing’ her time too much. She needs to learn how to be bored and not have her time directed by an adult 7 days a week.
Mine does 3 per week and I wouldn’t add any more to that because it’s too much. And we always keep most of the weekend free to just do what we fancy doing.

You know your child best and they can fill in the gaps in your understanding if you discuss with them, if they are happy to do all that then fine, but I personally would go for some unstructured downtime.
Clearly your partner's vision of being a parent is almost living his life through his child

> I’d roll my eyes as a parent saying they think “little Jenny” would be too tired, or didn’t have time for crafting, with your agenda.
@NevergonnagiveHughup Roll your eyes away, maybe your child could manage, but as a parent of a child that can only do school followed by food and wind down for bed, I wouldn't be able to take my reception age child to any after school activities, even half an hour in the play park often had knock on effects. On the other hand an ADHD child might benefit from such activities. Every child is different.
Not too mention the months of constant illness for basically the first half of the school year.

You make it sound as though exercise is a bad thing? The issue with clubs is the amount of structure and lack of free time. Kids running around outside playing for hours after school is the ideal. Wraparound care is more likely to involve watching TV or sedentary activities. Apart from on nice summer days perhaps.

I would question the cost and parental time involved. It's totally fine to say she needs to choose 2 or 3. Once at school she can probably do some school clubs which will be cheaper and involved less rushing around.

Make sure you get chance to do your own sport and hobbies too OP.

I would be concerned with the travel and rush.
10mins walk from school with 20mins to get there, no issue.
30mins drive with 30mins to get there, issue.

Different children cam cope with different amounts. One of mine was always exhausted after school, no way would she have had energy for something every day.

What is his reasoning behind it?
Is he allowing for daily reading, start of homework, music practice, playdates etc?
Many reception kids fall asleep in class as it's so exhausting compared to full time nursery.
Who's taking her, getting up early every weekend, doing the cooking and housework?
Dance quickly turns into 2 then 3 and 4 separate classes
Where's she learning to be creative in her own way....free play being bored and learning to fill it thinking for herself?

If the activities are only 30 mins, she potentially has a good chunk of free play time at home at the weekend. She also has Thursday and Friday after school (unless she's in after school club). If she's enjoying the activities and it is self-motivated I don't see an issue. I wouldn't add more though at this stage, wait to see how she's feeling after starting school.

My DD same age does 1 midweek and 2 weekend activities. She would like to add another weekday activity but I'm going to consider that after she's done the first term.

My DCs have always done a lot. But it built up from starting reception. Probably from age 4/5 they were doing beavers/rainbows, swimming, football or dance, various other bits like drama, music. Some they have stuck at - others have fallen by the wayside. Now the youngest is 9 he has a lot on but things he loves and is good at and he is one of those kids that can do a lot. Some days he has double clubs eg cricket after school then home for tea before going to cubs in the evening. Doesn't seem to phase him. In year 1 (age 5-6) he did football for an hour after school then tea and then football training for his team 6-7pm. It would wipe me out but he'll still be bouncing off the walls and doing backflips off the sofa at 8pm.

It's not just the the time in the activity, there's travel time, too. What if there are delays due to traffic which makes for a longer commute and increased stress getting there or home. Then it's home, dinner, washing up, bed. Where's the downtime? Too many scheduled activities is a path to burnout for a kid. You don't want your child growing up that way, pressured and resentful because of it.

It's a crazy amount of structured activity.

When does your child have rest time?
When do they have time for independent free play? You'll potentially end of with an exhausted child who has no idea how to entertain themselves at all because all they've ever known is adult led activity.