to ask you to teach me about parenting a toddler?

[vexparented]

NC as I can feel the judging coming my way.
We are trying our best but struggling with TV time for DS aged 2.
Please could you explain to me in an idiot-proof way how to entertain a small child. And I mean literally (i.e. do this in the morning / do that in the afternoon) idiot proof because if you say "craft" I will still be clueless (he isn't interested in craft anyway).

He goes Childminder 3 days a week, he is with one of us on the other 2 days, both of us at weekends.
We tend to put Cbeebies on in the morning before CM and then before dinner/bed; afternoons also when he is at home all day with us. Not constantly obvs. but the worst thing is that he demands it on during breakfast/lunch/dinner, which has now caused him to demand the tablet in restaurants/cafes etc (he does not get the tablet at home but a screen is a screen is a screen I suppose).
I HATE this esp. the restaurant bit and I don't know how to stop it - do we go cold turkey? Is it OK to watch some TV, if so when?
He is a very happy, bright little boy, good communication and speech (I think) , we do try to explain no tablet, no TV etc but this causes a tantrum.

He has many toys, books etc and we do play with him of course, he also plays on his own, we do always try to engage him, but his favourite thing is to play with cars (which then makes me think he learns more from watching Colourblocks or Bluey or whatever and I give into putting TV on).
We have a garden, he will spend one hour or so out there, sand pit, water play, bike etc, but that still leaves the rest of the day. We go out to parks, playground - again that is one hour or so. He does enjoy books, this is another hour.
Weekends is fine as we always go somewhere - travelling, NT properties, museum, farm, fair etc. He still wants the TV on when we get back home.

Neither of us has siblings or mates with kids this age or any experience whatsoever with children (we are both only kids of older parents and older parents ourselves).
PLEASE be my village and throw any and all advice at me.

Get some good cafe toys - the water reveal painting stuff is good! Also flashcards, books with flaps are good.

My DS just likes helping me with chores once intermixed with playing so hoovering, sweeping. We also have kids kitchen knives so he can chop. We bake a lot together, he grates, mixes etc.

As others have said, decide your TV rules. We have 1hr, only on weekends. I find weekends only keeps it partitioned away nicely

I mean…. I don’t hear anything wrong with what you’re saying with regard to your screen time. It’s not like you park him in front of the TV all day. You are doing loads with him that doesn’t involve screens.

Are you trying to reduce the screen time because you genuinely think it’s damaging him, or because you think you’re supposed to be reducing it?

I don’t have an answer to the screens in restaurants thing. We don’t use screens in restaurants, we just accept that eating out is a terrible experience all round, and one or more with us won’t get to eat the food they’ve ordered.

After a long day of extroverted activity I too like to watch TV. If DH said “let’s not watch TV and do another activity instead” I’m pretty sure I’d have a tantrum as well. You could limit the amount you allow after dinner etc. but if it’s DS’s way of switching off and it’s not interfering with sleep or having other adverse effects, then so what?

I Spy but with colours ("something that is blue")

Thank you everyone for your replies.

We have a TV in the the open plan kitchen / dining room, in hindsight I wish we never put it there but would be v difficult to remove now.
His sleep is fine and he is a very happy soul, i don't think TV is affecting him per se EXCEPT for the tablet in restaurants scenario.

Re: going out to eat, we travel quite a bit, we
tend to be away more or less every month for 1 weekend up to 1 week. We prioritise this over nicer clothes/kitchen, it has always been "our thing" and we do feel it benefits DS as well, I know he won't remember it of course but we feel it is good for him to have these different experiences. He is a great traveller, adapts incredibly easy, nothing fazes him, he enjoys our trips (we always make
sure we go playgrounds, parks, interactive museums, pool etc).
We had a 3 weeks trip with a long haul flight, this is when we bought the tablet and as he had it on the plane, he then had it during the trip at meal times (not because we wanted a meal in peace, but because we felt bad he was ruining other people's meal by tantrumming for it).

We eat together at home in the evening , we sometimes put the news on which then leads to him demanding CBeebies and we give in because we don't want him to go to bed hungry.

I'm just putting this here because you said your DS loves cars.

I have a 2yo and 1yo and I have them full time with hardly any screen time in the week.

We go out... A Lot. Lots of walks, lots of outings, sometimes just walking around the street. Walking to get me a coffee. Popping into the shops.

Play wise for a car lover:

• build a car park with blocks or magnetic blocks
• sand with cars/ diggers
• make a car wash (soap, in a tub, accessories)
• take your car to the garage - pretend tools, can make a card wheel with holes in and he drills it on.
• build a car - we have a push/pull car toy. We stick things onto it, tape, crafts, pretend to paint it.
• teaching patterns with cars (lining up by sizes, types of car, colours)

Basically I've played a lot with cars today. 😂😭

You can also let him watch car documentaries/videos? Short ones?

My son loves cars so we watch a bit about how to repair different parts of a car and then we role play it into a game. For example, we YouTube, "how to repair a bumper) and then we make it into a game.

I have a bag with pencils, stickers, colouring sheets, a few magnetic building blocks, small toys (a couple of cars, perhaps?), some small soft toys etc etc. Usually enough to keep entertained until food. Also give you ideas to engage them in chat.

Absolutely no judegments and I've done it myself, but I find kids getting a screen as soon as they have to sit anywhere a bit depressing. I also find it depressing when two adults sit on their phones instead of talking. Screen is last resort if a late one and the crankiness is impacting on those around us.....The toys should distract from the screen and hopefully will break that habit....

I wouldn't t care about that level of TV personally

I've just seen also that you have the TV on during meals. I would really try to stop that completely. He will cry for the first 3 times but then he won't and you will all learn a new way of interacting.

There are many studies on children/adults eating into a screen and all the outcomes are very poor. It also sets up bad habits for the future. I would really try and cut that out completely. It may be hard at first but that's because his brain is used to it. It will be fine in the end x

Just to add, we go for a walk / park / playground every day, unless it's chucking it down or absolutely scorching.
He isn't into soft play / playgroups at all, very happy to play with his friends at childminder but definitely not into loads of kids excitedly running around.

I have a toddler aged 2yrs 4m. We unplugged our TV and put it in the attic - it was easier to do that than try to limit screen time. For filling whole days I spend a lot of time outside the house - structured classes in the morning like swimming and music, then something like library, park or zoo (we have an annual pass) in the afternoon, and a 90 min nap in the buggy while I go for a walk. We are out of the house by 8.30am and get back around 3pm. Then we have the school run for my eldest, and they entertain each other when both dcs are at home. I don't feel like I need to set up many more activities to fill the rest of the time. She chooses books and brings them to me to read, I get a puzzle or play doh out. She potters around the house filling a basket full of toys and chooses dressing up oufits.

We don't use screens in restaurants but we only eat out a few times a year. It's enough of a novelty that she'll happily play with the straw or napkin, or we read books or play with a small character toy.

In the mornings DD has breastmilk for a good 30 mins, spends 20 mins getting dressed/using potty/brushing teeth/playing with sister, spends 40 mins eating breakfast while we read stories/chat, and then 20 mins playing/cleaning face/applying sunscreen/putting on shoes. We don't find it hard to fill that time, we are always rushing out the door!

We don't use our phones during meal times, not at home and not in restaurants.
We also always try to engage him and chat to him. I will say though we give in extremely easily as soon as he whinges.

We tried the toys / book / stickers in restaurants but he chucks them on the floor. I haven't tried cars so will try that.

Perhaps this is where we are going wrong in the mornings, as it takes 5 minutes for him to eat breakfast and 5 minutes to get dressed, I don't know how I could stretch these to 40 mins and 20 mins !!!

Also to add about the resteraunt thing. I go to cafes on my own about 1-2 times a week with my 2yo and 1yo. I also go out once every 2 weeks to a kid friendly/relaxed resteraunt.

My sister and I were going out and she knows I love my cafes and dinners. She said, "You know my DD isn't used to going out like this. She isn't going to sit." and I told her... Neither are mine going to sit.😂

Kids are kids and sometimes it's just hard to go out. I'll use the napkin to make a hicopter, a ball, a blanket to hide behind and the straw to make a stick man, a wand or a potion mixer. It's exhausting and I don't know why I do it. I just really love going to cafes.

Even then kids have good and bad days and no amount of parenting can change the fact that toddlers can be wild. It is what it is.

Screen time for 2-5 year olds should be limited to 1 hour max a day of co-watching. We all resort to the screen time ‘babysitter’ from time to time, but ideally it wouldn’t be a daily occurrence.
Involve your child in whatever you’re doing. They love to help. Talk to them. That’s how they learn. TV never teaches more than playing with an object would. If he enjoys playing with cars, let him. He will learn fine motor control, action and consequence (if I use this much force, the car will go this fast etc,) categorisation of colour, type of car etc. The list is endless.
Things my toddlers enjoyed:

• making pizza dough with me and then making their own pizza
• playdough play (Google a recipe to make the playdough)
• water play - especially in this lovely weather. A bowl of water, jugs, cups.
• painting. Get a drop cloth and either strip them or wear a big apron. finger painting is great fun.
• going to the library to pick up books. Read to your child. Every day.
• walks and picnics
• swimming

I used to pack pencils and paper in my bag as well as books etc. we sacrificed long dinners (my kids had a 1-1.5 hour attention span at that age) so we didn’t bring screens. We just adjusted our lifestyles while the kids were young. It doesn’t last long, but it is intense.

You clearly want to do what’s best for your child. This is a great start. A bit of TV when having a cuddle in the morning is fine, but avoid it during meals (someone has introduced him to this, he didn’t come up with this preference himself.) Your child will object at first if you change access to screens, but it won’t last long. Screen time is one of the biggest dangers to young people right now and you have a brilliant opportunity to teach your child social skills etc rather than just tapping into screens which are addictive, especially to growing brains.

In know it can be hard - I had to return to my full time job when the children were 4 months old and entertaining children can be tiring, but you will be so pleased when they grow up not being reliant on a screen.

This is an example of what we do some days:

9.00 walk to playgroup
9.30-11.00 playgroup
11.30-12.30 walk home via park/library/shop
12.30-1.30 lunch and tv
1.30-3.00 nap
3.00-4.00 bath
4.00-5.30 play with toys
5.30-6.30 tv
6.30-7.30 tea, story, brush teeth, pyjamas

No is no. Just because he tantrums don't give in. Walk away and ignore it. You are in charge not him.

@Newbie232 yes, I agree with this.

Young kids can get restaurants, but they don't especially need to. My parents are picnic people over restaurants, so we only went to cafes once we were 5 plus and knew how to behave. Either that, or accept that the experience is compromised for a little while.

I game it a bit by having one person go order in a child-friendly place, then baby joins us later. And preferably go to places with baby spaces.

Read stories, sing songs/actions, drawing, puzzles, lego, my dd loves bringing me play food so maybe a tea party?

What if you spent time in their room in the day instead of the living room where the TV is?

Say you forgot it!

We do way too much Tv but I've managed to hold out in public and and restaurants. It just isn't available and be doesn't know to ask.

We bring book, colouring, little cards, cars etc one at a time not messing up the table.

At 2.5 we bought him training chopsticks which we take out for noodles. He can now at 3.5 pick up peas one by one.

Sometimes that's enough to make food interesting so he finishes or gives us a few min of quiet.

We got a Tonie box which helped us and she could choose her own story’s and songs too and lots of puzzles keeps her entertained.

He has a Yoto box and he enjoys it but we can't use that in restaurants obvs

Don't bring phones and tablets to the restaurant. He will get used to 'the new way' of dining out. To much tantrum leave the place and go home.
Right now his lesson is you hand him the tablet.