Friend shamed me for feeling exhausted.

[TheCluelessMum]

How do you ever get the chance to relax and recover with a 2 year old.
My 2 year old is great, the best thing to ever happen to me so the guilt I have even writing this hurts my heart. He is full on, not the type of kid to chill and watch a film… always wants to be doing something XYZ, which I love & we are always doing stuff.

However I am truly knackered. DH works full time (mon-Fri) I work 3 x 12 hour shifts (on weekdays). So anytime one of us isn’t working, we are (of course) with our DS.

Our parents alternate 1 day per week childcare & the other 2 days at nursery. Our parents have their own lives and we are so grateful for the time they do have our son.

Me and my DH are just so very knackered, not as in sleepy need more sleep. As in knackered to the bone. I feel like everything in the house needs sorting, cupboards are a mess. Decorating needs to be done. But when do you find the time? We of course keep on top of the daily cleaning etc. but everything else is fallen off.

Me and DH have had 1 date night since ds was born.

How does everyone else manage? Our parents having DS on a weekend so we can have a “break” isn’t an option, they do enough for us and have their own lives.

I see friends with children having date night & tidy houses - just think how on earth?

A lot of our annual leave this year has been used up by weddings, events & DS needing time off nursery due to various illness’

If DH is to take DS out or vice versa, neither one of us just sits down as there is always so much to do.

We are so exhausted, want to be the best mum ever but I don’t know when to catch a break.

I spoke to a friend(??)About how I was feeling & she just told me that I was being so dramatic and needed to get on with it. I knew what I was signing up for when I had kids.

Am I being dramatic?

Also as for friend she messaged me this afternoon (as I don’t won’t Tuesdays) saying that at least I can spend the day tidying and cleaning. (My 2 year old is off with me HA!!)

so I just haven’t replied. I’m knackered enough as it is without having to deal with witches like that xox

But you can you clean and tidy with a 2 year old around. OK, obviously not a deep clean but keeping on top of things, sorting the odd cupboard out, etc. They can 'help' by going through the pan cupboard 😁

We clearly have very different 2 year olds 😭

We don't have any local family, and only one family member who is willing to babysit the kids. I can quite literally count the number of evenings out I've had with myself husband is 8 years. It's about 5. Two overnights and the last one was nearly 6 years ago. It's not easy. We have tried to take time off from time to time when kids in nursery/school, go for lunch, have a nap. It's small but makes a difference.

I mean - she sounds mean but why is she saying it? Has she got no help and is struggling with it herself? I had zero help and 2 under 3 at one point, no parents and both work full time - my sister in law had help daily and still complained how tired she was…. I always thought was was a bit odd.

I wouldn’t waste any time meeting with your „friend”. Just explain that you’re busy „getting on with it” and leave it at that.

I remember these years, driving kids to parks and forest walks. 2 year gap and younger has ASD. They were recharging the batteries sleeping on the way back to be bouncy again after a nice nap in the car and episode of grumpiness after being woken up. Followed up by another trip outside and late night- remember they slept in the car? In the meantime laundry,shopping,meals,tidying up and the house was still like a fucking bombsite.

Some kids are more clingy/active/boisterous than others. Luck of the draw which one you’re going to end up with.

Hat off to you OP but don’t beat yourself up. It will pass (how I hated this phrase).
Choose to whom you can safely vent to and carry on.