Should I give up on learning to drive?

[BabyICantDriveMyCar]

I've clocked up 60 hours of lessons.

I'm in my 40s, and prior to starting these lessons, I had zero experience of learning to drive. In fact, I never thought I'd get as far as this, as I have a lot of anxiety around cars due to traumatic childhood experiences.

For the first few months, I did much better than I thought I would. But now I feel I've hit a wall with my confidence. I'm fine with driving round the residential streets and main roads that I'm used to from my lessons. But I seriously lack confidence with dual carriage ways and large roundabouts. I'm finding them really hard. I can't imagine ever being able to manage ones that I'm not familiar with. As for motorways, forget it.

I also struggle with positioning. I have terrible spatial awareness. My positioning is OK the majority of the time, but definitely not all of the time.

I've spent a lot of money on lessons. I live in London, and I can manage without driving. Driving would certainly be very convenient, but I've managed in life so far.

So shall I just cut my losses? I honestly wonder if I'm capable of driving.

Try a different instructor , both of my kids tried 2 instructors for a few weeks before we found the ones that suited them .

Yep agree with trying different instructors. I learned to drive in East London and found it really difficult. I kept in mind the whole time that millions of people around the world learn to drive, and are no more intelligent or capable than me. Just persevere and one day soon it will become second nature. Learning to drive can be life changing and is a great skill to have. Good luck.

Try a different instructor, the difference a really good one can make is amazing. Considering learning automatic too - means that you can put more of your focus on the road rather than worrying about changing gears

You don’t properly learn to drive until after you have passed your test - confidence only comes with experience, 60 hours is still early days. Certainly not worth packing it all in now. Motorway driving is actually very easy and safer than a normal road, just daunting at first because of the speed.

I’m in my 40s. Failed 5 times but got there in the end! Don’t give up

If you search my past posts you can read my driving story :)

I'm 37, started lessons again in Oct 2022 and never imagined I'd ever get there (very nervous driver too). Passed my test this January, found it so daunting driving on my own and never imagined I'd be able to drive on motorways etc... 7 minths since passing I've driven to my home town 3 hours on the m1 twice. Drove my daughter to an appointment on another motorway 1.5 hours away to somewhere I've never been before. Drove round the isle of wight. About to drive us to go camping this weekend.

I never ever thought i'd say this being so nervous but, I love driving so much. I love the freedom and time it has bought me. It was worth the cost!

I agree with changing instructor. Also, do you have anyone who would be willing to take you out in between lessons? My granddaughter, who admittedly is much younger, went out with her dad all the time while she was learning, and by the time she took her test, which was on a horrible wet day, and would have tested even an experienced driver, she sailed through it. The key is practice OP, and once you're passed your test, and had the opportunity to drive more regularly, your confidence will soon grow.

Agree with PPs - new instructor and automatic. My aunt learned in her early 50s. She was really not a confident driver and spent 2+ years on lessons. She then changed the instructor and switched to automatic and the instructor got her ready for the test in two months. She passed the first time too.
I learned in my late 30s. I am autistic and my spatial awareness is awful - I bump into furniture in my own kitchen. But I have been driving ever since and building my confidence slowly and, apart from a brief encounter with a verge on a country road, I have had no problems so far.
You don't really need to be comfortable on motorways right now. You can have extra lessons after you pass your test.

Also, big unknown roundabouts are still the thing I'm least confident about. But I get better all the time :)

My husband passed first time aged 50. He'd been having lessons on and off for a decade. A change of instructor was the key. He's been driving for 18 months now, and is only now feeling confident driving on dual carriageways. You can do it, OP!

I just want to say that I'm sure everyone feels nervous after passing their test! It's then you really learnt to drive! I passed over 10 years ago now and I still get nervous sometimes in places I don't know.

If you want to dive stick at it. You can try another instructor too but if it's more a confidence thing maybe speak to your current instructor and see what they think, or ask if you can practise in areas you find difficult.

good advice here; do it if you want. If not, know I do not drive and my learning is somewhere in the air but I manage without driving

Dual carriageways and motorways are the easy bits once you've passed. Big roundabouts will be less daunting too once you have some practice. Lessons only teach you to pass your test, you learn to drive after that.

I was adamant I wasn't going anywhere near a motorway and was terrified of the idea of roundabouts with traffic lights ... everything seemed too fast! Once you have control and get the hours of practice on your own, in the middle of the night if you need to, it will all slow down and become habit.

You can do it 💐

Do not give up! Do as these good people say and shift to automatic and change instructor. I hated my first two instructors and did manual in my 20s - hated it so much I gave up. Got a really great instructor in my 40s with automatic - passed first time. There's no need for manual - everything will be EV or hybrid.

Don't give up ,I'm Nd and passed first time , at 18 but I was hopeless at some things. I'm 57 now keep going you'll pass

I struggled a lot learning on a manual car. Couldn't get the hang of the gears. I find driving an automatic a lot easier.

60 hours is not actually particularly unusual. The average is 40, but that's only taught hours - most learners are youngsters who get additional time in by practicing in their parents' car. How many people will tell you they only passed on their third try, or more?

You're only at 1 1/2 that taught time, despite starting later and not getting extra uncounted hours.

I definitely agree on trying a different teacher though. They're all slightly different. Mine had a series of excellent hacks for working out positioning (if you're in the north east I can give you his name).

Never give up. I learned and passed just fine but has terrible anxiety surrounding all driving basically as soon as I'd passed my test. I suddenly felt like I was all on my own and it was scary. I struggled on like this for 8 years but this year decided enough was enough and spent a month forcing myself to drive everywhere until I'd got the hang of it and improved my confidence. I'm so so so glad I persevered as I now genuinely enjoy driving. I took my kids to the park today and it was brilliant!

I have no interest in motorways or huge roundabouts. I can get my kids to fun activities and get to places like the dentist, leisure centre etc which was all I ever wanted to achieve.

Keep at it, it's so worth it. As wanky as this sounds you need to be at one with your car.

Had

I passed the third time. I was like you, my dad never drove because of anxiety and I think he passed it to me. I was never interested and only started lessons because I had to (live in a northern town and the transport isn't great here).
I did eventually pass and enjoy driving now. But the issue I had when I felt stagnant was the instructor. I changed instructor and passed the third time without any faults. Maybe try a different instructor and see how you feel then?
I'm glad I persevered because I do need to drive up here. Be proud of yourself for how far you've come though 🌹

Are you driving a stick shift? I can recommend getting lessons in an automatic, I learned later in life and following a few unsuccessful sessions trying to get to grips with gears and a clutch an automatic car made it possible to concentrate on everything else that was going on.
I love driving now.

@BabyICantDriveMyCar You can give up if you want. Give yourself permission to quit without feeling bad or guilty. But try changing instructors, watching YouTube videos, meditating. I got my license at 46, first test with 3 minors. But getting there took 3 instructors: I left one because she was a time waster. The second I thought was great but he quit me. Said i should try aitomatic. The third was perfect for me. It took me 80+ hours but I got there. Last week I drove almost 4 hours on motorway. My first. Its so freeing being able to drive. During lessons, Meditating and visualising (especially round abouts) helped. I also used YouTube hypnosis. DM me if you want more

GOOD luck with your decision.

Thanks for all your comments.

The problem ie definitely not my instructor. She's brilliant. She's the reason I've made more progress than I've ever dreamed of. It's me, not her.

Switching to automatic is not an option. We've got a very reliable manual car. We can't afford to replace it, and I'm loathed to, as the car is really reliable.

If you did pass your test, where would you like to drive? Would it be for shorter day-to-day local journeys, or for longer trips away? You can have some lessons after you've passed if you want for certain things to build your confidence, a motorway lesson is pretty common. But my instructor also showed me the local roundabouts, took me on the local A roads, and showed me single tracks (there's lots where I live). So don't feel as if you have to be able to do everything straight away if you pass. Whether to continue to learn, only you can answer that. I didn't drive until my late 20s, by which time I wanted to because I felt I was missing out by not being able to. But I live in a very rural area, if I lived in a city I might not have made the same decision. I do echo others about chosing an instructor you feel comfortable with. Good luck with whatever you chose.

Thank you catza, Hamsternauts, backaftera2yearbreak, bakewellbride and others for your stories

Thanks for this advice