To ask if anyone has cured their fear of flying

[Tiredadultmum]

And if so how?
For years I have forced myself to fly for the sake of my family and so as not to spoil family holidays. I hate it and nothing works, I got to the point that pre covid I was having to take valium to even get on a plane. It completely ruined my holiday every time as I would be counting down to having to fly again.
It is less about crashing and more about being trapped I think although I would also like to not crash obviously.

Covid was a relief that it couldn't even be considered.
4 years on and holidays are being mentioned again.
We COULD get there by ferry but it would involve a 5 hour train, an all night ferry etc and cost a lot more. The train just to the ferry port is roughly £600 alone plus the ferry.
I've seen the plane for £200 from a local airport

Please help.

Hi, I have had an overwhelming fear of flying for many years. I've had hypnosis, behavioural therapies etc and now I stick to my tried and tested diazepam with a couple of drinks. Works for me and takes the edge off enough so I can get abroad.
Have also travelled by coach and train instead of flying, but that's a completely different type of nightmare because of how long it takes to get anywhere.

I'm the same. Nothing seems to help.

I want to go away next year but my heart races at the thought of booking flights. For me it's very much about crashing.

I was very afraid of flying and then one day the aeroplane rose above the clouds and it was breathtaking and exhilarating. I no longer fly, for deeply felt ecological reasons

CBD capsules take the edge off for me. I start taking them two days before the flight. I also download funny films and put my headphones on so I can't hear the awful noises of the plane.

Yes. I loved flying until a long haul flight in my 20’s. A very uneventful flight but I felt claustrophobic. I was so afraid on one flight (again, uneventful) in 1999 that I was invited into the cockpit. That did help but obviously it’s a thing if the past now. The cure for me was lots of short haul flights and Jack Daniels with coke. Also an aisle seat over the wing.

The last flight I took was a few years ago now, we had a slightly bumpy landing and I was perfectly calm. I knew then that I’d overcome it.

I've been planning to go on a fear of flying course at an airfield near me. A friend did it years ago and it's cured her completely. I can't avoid flying unfortunately as I have family abroad. I'm not quite as bad as you but spend the whole flight gripping the arm rests, filling my senses with music and reading and puzzle books to use up all my brain power. Also booze but that's hard when I have the kids.

On long haul I have in the past just accepted I'm going to die on that flight and there's nothing I can do about it and that's a weird comfort when I'm exhausted with fear.

Pp mention hypnosis. My fear is entirely in my head, came on randomly at puberty with no cause. so I'm wondering if a technique like this might work too.

Yes! I used to be absolutely terrified of flying! Even with diazepam I would still freak out and cry hysterically on the plane! About 10 years ago, it got to the point that DH refused to fly with me anymore. I paid £250 to go on the Virgin Atlantic ‘flying without fear’ course and I’m not exaggerating when I say it was a life changer! I actually enjoy flying now and get excited rather than anxious when I get to the airport.

Sadly, I don’t think Virgin offer that particular course anymore, but I think a few of the other major airlines do something similar?

I was petrified for years, I turned down family holidays because of it. Then DH’s family paid for me to go on holiday with them and I felt too bad to turn it down. I ended up forcing myself into the plane and after about 5 mins into it I was fine, now I look forward to flying.

I was encouraged to fly on small planes (in Europe) for work and at first it terrified me so much that I opted to pay for my own commercial flights on bigger planes instead, which I didn’t enjoy but I could deal with. Eventually I just had to get a hold of it as it was a barrier in my life. My DH encourages me to think of the plane moving in air currents like a boat does through water and that made it easier to visualise what was happening if it got bumpy. That and I’m a very rational person so I know that statistically it’s very very unlikely for anything bad to happen. In the end I flew so frequently I just got over it. I knew I was ok when I was on a turboprop out of Le Bourget in a snowstorm and despite clenching my knuckles, by the time we topped out over the clouds I was fine.

Now I no longer fly for climate reasons but I’m glad I was able to overcome it and enjoy it in the meantime, we had a few family holidays that way and it was worth it to not feel afraid.

Flight radar helped me and looking at the sky. Everytime a plane went over I tried to pause and observe. I would look at flight radar in my spare time. Just seeing the sheer volume of planes flying all day, every day, all over the world put things in perspective for me. Looking at planes in the sky flying by full of people - just sort of normalised it for me.

Diazepam and a few drinks work for me too - unless there is turbulence! I also read an excellent book about fear of flying written by a pilot, I'll try and look it up.

Think it's this one
How to Overcome Fear of Flying - A Practical Guide to Change the Way You Think about Airplanes, Fear and Flying: Learn to Manage Takeoff, Turbulence, Flying over Water, Anxiety and Panic Attacks https://amzn.eu/d/32Twqli

I found this really helpful too. It made me appreciate more than any statistics how unlikely it was that something would happen. I also saw a video explaining what turbulence was that helped! Good luck OP, you can do this!

I was massively terrified of flying for years, totally freaked out with every noise, every wobble, every bong. I genuinely thought every flight was going to kill me.

I ended up being prescribed diazepam by my GP. Only a tiny dose of 4mg per flight and that was enough to stop the physical affects of panicking, so no thumping heart, ringing ears, sweaty palms etc. That in turn stopped me feeling out of control and I can now sit on a plane for 9 hours+, not bothered at all about turbulence, happy to not be gripping the armrest white knuckle style and finally able to eat, drink & flick through the duty free booklet!

And the best bit, I only used diazepam for maybe 6 flights and then realised I didn't need then anymore.

I'm not 100% sure but I did!

I think years of flying as a single mum with 3 kids made the whole thing so stressful it overwhelmed me - to the point I once had a member of cabin crew sat on the floor holding my hand.

Last year I flew to Spain, alone, for my birthday - I had such a relaxing time in the airport and sat with a glass (or 2) of fizz watching loads of planes take off and land and suddenly it wasn't scary - look at all those planes all going every 2 mins and they are fine.

I LOVED the flight - in fact towards the end I got a bit bored but at no point did I feel scared.

Went again this summer with my youngest daughter - again I enjoyed it - no worry, no panic - it's odd and I have no idea what happened but flying became less about stress, small screaming kids, banging headaches etc and more about going somewhere lovely for fun!

I find it really helps to look at the crew - they’re just doing going about their day job, no anxiety there.

I had CBT, EMDR and hypnosis over a period of a couple years and when I flew I coped much better because of the techniques/relaxation skills I had developed

Hypnosis worked for me. I'll never love it but I don't lose sleep for 3 months beforehand. I am calm on the plane and just watch TV on my tablet. I only ever take short flights so it's manageable. Totally different experience since I had hypnosis.

Nope. I can't even fly now. That footage of the Brazil crash yesterday was horrific.

I bought the online fear of flying course. It’s excellent, goes a lot into explaining the mechanics of it all including turbulence. I did have to have a diazepam for the flight but was totally fine during the turbulence we experienced. It was a stormy night landing and I was better than some of the more seasoned flyers. Really worth doing.

In the past I had to fly long haul regularly as I lived abroad. I used to be petrified, breaking out into sweats, not sleeping the night before etc. I then went to my neighbour’s barbecue and there was a senior pilot there who used to train junior pilots. We got chatting and he very kindly talked me through the whole process of a plane flying, take off, all the noises (like wing flaps, wheels etc). He completely put my mind at rest and my next flight was actually enjoyable. I always think of turbulence like being in a car on a bumpy road now but before I would be white knuckled bruising my husband's arm. It’s all about trying to change your mind set in any way you can so do look online for anything that might help. Best of luck with it.

I know it seems counterintuitive but I've found digging into flight disasters really helpful. When something goes wrong the work to make sure it can't happen again is amazing. Black box down podcast and mentor pilot on YouTube are fantastic.

As nothing else helps here's my 'advice' from a 60+ lifetime flyer. daughter of a pilot - even my Dad said "I still can't believe how planes stay in the sky"?!!

But they do, time after time, over and over again. When I was a kid it was exciting when it might go horribly wrong, 50+ years later when I fly I place my trust in the people, planes and technology to get me there safely but mentally it's more harrowing.

I immerse myself in a book before, during and after my flight; however I always pay attention to the safety info from the cabin crew prior to take-off; even the pilots go through checklists for every flight no matter how many times they've been through them before