To ask if anyone has cured their fear of flying

[Tiredadultmum]

And if so how?
For years I have forced myself to fly for the sake of my family and so as not to spoil family holidays. I hate it and nothing works, I got to the point that pre covid I was having to take valium to even get on a plane. It completely ruined my holiday every time as I would be counting down to having to fly again.
It is less about crashing and more about being trapped I think although I would also like to not crash obviously.

Covid was a relief that it couldn't even be considered.
4 years on and holidays are being mentioned again.
We COULD get there by ferry but it would involve a 5 hour train, an all night ferry etc and cost a lot more. The train just to the ferry port is roughly £600 alone plus the ferry.
I've seen the plane for £200 from a local airport

Please help.

You need some EMDR, I was in a hurricane and don’t fly for 6 years,4 sessions and I now fall also waiting to taxi.

Nervous for years and then menopause put it into another orbit.
Lovely GP gave me 5g Xanax which totally helped.

I learned to fly myself! 😁

Nah, to be fair I was never that scared before, but learning the ins and outs of how an aeroplane flies really does help.

There's a few YouTube videos that explain what all the noises mean, and watch videos from pilots about plane safety, etc. It really does help rationalise it a bit.

(Don't do what I've done, unless you really want to skint yourself dry).

I have an awful fear of flying ( all started from a bad experience of turbulence as had never experienced it before ) it’s so bad I was having nightmares over it . Even drove 4 hours to an airport to not get on a plane and come back home !!! But I’ve been better at forcing myself to do it now . I always have a few drinks before , also my sister is a CBT and she gave me the best advice … exposure therapy is the only way … the more you do it , the easier it becomes . So basically your brain almost becomes bored of it … obviously you can’t fly every day to do this but I religiously watch safe take offs and landings on YouTube every day for weeks coming up to a flight and it really worked . Keeping occupied on flight is good too … take a Nintendo switch or a game you get into . I also made a point last time to watch out the window and really face my fear , I actually enjoyed it for once . get educated on facts etc . And oddly I came to peace with the fact that if something happens , it happens , you can’t control everything in life . focus on the reason your flying .. to have a great holiday . If going with kids ( i find better again .. as you do it for them ) you focus on them so always a good distraction . Talking to the air hostess always helps !! Tell them you don’t enjoy it .. they will look out for you and check on you !!! I even spoke to one as I got on and he said “ your in luck because today one pilot is blind and the other is deaf “ it actually made me laugh so much !!! Which made me realise how irrational I was . 🤣

I am the same Op - I found Riyadh khalaf very comforting to watch as he make videos on instagram for nervous flyers. He explains what all the noises mean

Yes, through hypnotherapy.

Two sessions before a flight four years ago. And another two last year.
I have a recording of the session which I use before flying home.

I'll use the recording this week before I fly.

Hypnotherapist was great. She tried first to find out if I had had a bad experience flying, or otherwise. She said, for instance, working with one lady, in her past her father used to lock her in a cupboard as a punishment, the fear of flying was linked to that, kind of claustrophobic.

For me, we couldn't pin point anything so instead she asked me how I wanted flying to be.
I said, I am tense, I don't eat, drink or sleep, I'm aware of any sounds, I just want to be like others, I look at them, they are chatting, reading, the flight is part of their holiday, relaxing and fun.
I added ‘when do any of us get three hours, to sit with a magazine’ and a few treats?”

Anyway fast forward a week, to the day before my flight and there I am in the local supermarket with my DH.
I hear myself ( almost out of body) saying “lets get these sweets, and this magazine, ready for the flight” .
Even as I was saying it I was kind of having an internal argument with myself of ‘sweets, flight, me...but I don't ever eat on a plane’.

And it continued.
Slept well the night before the flight, great in the airport ( usually I'm dashing to the toilet), boarded. Chatted all the way through take off, ate my sweets, read my magazine, had a drink, food…flight done.

I could feel occasionally my DH, looking at me during the flight. He said he didn't feel he should question anything incase it ‘broke the spell’ 😆 but he felt as if he were flying with a different person.

I'm amazed. I fly this week. Usually I would have a really stomach turning anxiety but I'm fine.

The very first session I had with her was a relaxation session. I'm not a great sleeper but slept that night for 12 hours solid. In fact my DH had got up and gone out without me hearing him. It was worth the cost just for that!

Hypnotherapist explained the process as reaching the little voice inside of you and retraining to think something different.

It has definitely changed my ‘i hate flying’ story.

Yes, me. After 20 years of avoiding flying, missing holidays with friends, doing family UK holidays for 10 years, I went on an easyjet fear of flying course 2 years ago, the online one which then included a short flight from Manchester.

It worked for me; since the course I’ve flown another 3 times without any drama. For me the huge issue is the fear of crashing. Not claustrophobia. I used to play out scenarios in my head of crashing etc and drive myself into a pit of stress and anxiety.

Since the course, I just don’t do that. I still have a large glass of wine, then when we start to taxi off I still feel the temptation to go down that path but I just don’t. The info from the course, maybe the whole improved understanding of noises, angles, etc, lets me reset my mind and I just block those thoughts. The last 2 flights I’ve sat reading, watching the kids, we landed in quite bad turbulence and bounced a bit this summer and I found it quite thrilling. But not scary.

It’s not a magic solution; but for me it’s reset the reality of that I drive hundreds of miles, weekly, down fast dangerous motorways, in dangerous conditions, and I never worry or even give it a thought. So it’s about stopping unhelpful thought processes against the balance of risk for me. It’s def worked.

Yes I overcame my awful fear of flying.
Then I became Cabin Crew.
I wasn’t expecting that !

A combination of meditation exercises and gin for me.

I wonder if mine fear has been linked to lack of control. I'm not in control of the plane, I can't get off if I want to.

I don't really drink as I don't like the feeling of not quite being in charge of myself.

That has meant I couldn't/wouldn't risk any drink or medication to numb the fear.

I bought and read this book

The Easy Way to Enjoy Flying: The life-changing guide to cure your fear of flying once and for all by Allen Carr

That book, plus me deciding that I wanted to be ok with flying worked. Also taking an iPad with lots of comedy episodes downloaded and watching that non stop on each flight.

I'm still not hugely relaxed on flights, I'd still rather not fly, but at least I can actually fly now instead of avoiding it.

I hate flying. I always feel dizzy on takeoff and get horrible ear pain like someone sticking knitting needles down my ears on landing. It's beyond just sucking a sweet or something and leaves me with really reduced hearing for a couple of days (or I try to sort of reinflate my ears and end up with earache again). I used to really want to fly as a kid when we couldn't afford it, then I met my ex who was really paranoid about lots of things and was convinced he would die if he got on a plane. It kind of set in motion the idea that flying is unsafe (he showed me lots of disaster stories etc) and now I just feel really on edge the whole time as well as the physical effects. I know it's not logical but I suppose fear often isn't. I'm not much better with ferries, the movement makes me feel sick and I worry about it sinking etc. That could be my age - I remember the herald of free enterprise being all over the news. It doesn't stop me travelling so I guess I have a grip on it, but I'd love to enjoy the journey too.

My dad is actually an aerospace engineer, retired now but spent his life building and working on these passenger planes. They are so incredibly safe, they will not take off if there is even a hint of an issue (even a minor issue) — I think when you apply the reasoning that highly, highly qualified teams of people are working on the aeroplane constantly you do start to realise they are so safe. Think about the cabin crew and pilots that commit their lives to being on these planes, all over the world — they would not do it if it wasn’t safe. If you look at FlightRadar you can see the sheer amount of planes in the sky at this very moment; nothing is going wrong with any of them.

As for the claustrophobia, I can maybe understand that but to me that seems a separate sort of issue to be addressed.

I was the same. I did an Easyjet Fear of Flying course. It worked for me. I am able to fly now, I have some routines, like don't eat before the flight, have diazepan on me but have never taken it, and I seem to go into my own zone, listen to podcasts, close my eyes, and just doze and ignore where I am.

The change has been incredible. I used to be anxious booking flights for other people.

I've completed about 8 flights in the last 6 years, some 16+ hours.

Good luck.

I think this is it for me too tbh, logically I know it is really quite safe and the thought of it doesn't really fill me with fear but the thought of not being in control and being stuck somewhere with no escape is just a no from me lol

I dislike and am afraid of flyiing. I am afraid of turbulence, the plane crashing, the claustrophobia and the fact that I’m in a tin tube in the sky. I have flown to Japan twice, didn’t sleep, tracked the plane over Russia and the business class seat was wasted on me.

I haven’t experienced bad turbulence and even sat in the jump seat in the cockpit on a flight from Amsterdam to London in the early 2000s which I loved. I don’t think I have a phobia but others may think so.

Nothing (podcasts/books/ films) takes my mind off it and I spend my time looking at my watch and listening for noises etc. I won’t avoid holidays because of it but not keen on long haul. I should try one of the fear of flying courses. The worst thing is that my DC wants to be a pilot 🤷‍♀️

I think it would help if my DH would talk to me during the flight to distract me but he refuses to and settles himself into watching a movie (he’ll hold my hand if there’s turbulence). My wannabe pilot DC doesn’t think my fear is real! I also check the turbulence forecast ahead of the flight. I don t seem to get all the physical symptoms that others get apart from sweaty palms.

I feel embarrassed having written all of this but I really hate it. I’ve taken Eurostar quite a bit and would gladly pay extra for train/boat. I’ve no idea what has caused this dislike/fear.

I wouldn't say I'm over it but I'm nearly there. I avoided flying for years. Like you I was happy when. There was no flying during Covid as meant I had an excuse.

Anyway about 2 years ago I started taking lorazepam to fly and I also started to book more flights. Slowly but surely I think with the lorazepam I have stopped associating the flight with panic attacks and I'm just not as nervous.

I will feel a bit nervy if I haven't had a flight in a while and also if we hit turbulence I would be on edge but I now don't avoid flights.
I still wouldn't fly alone though, that's my next goal with it.

Sorry I also always wear earplugs, I couldn't fly without them

I was never afraid of flying as a kid. Getting older did make me more aware about the fact that if there was a huge problem then it would be game over.

However, like previous posters have mentioned, flight radar is incredibly comforting. So many people up in the sky at any one time. And for the most part commercial airline planes go up and come down without any issues. The sky is pretty safe.
Podcasts also help hugely!

I'm not cured of it, but I do find that for me the more frequently I fly the better it becomes. More normalised, I guess.

I also allow myself a good gin and tonic once airborne, and I look forward to that (the g and t). I t steadies my nerves.

I haven’t.

Alcohol made it worse, hypnosis didn’t last, diazapam hardly touched the sides.

l used to fly regularly as part of a job years ago and had to leave the job. For a year or so flying regularly seemed to calm it down as l would see so many planes that it seemed normal. But it just got worse.

Ive never understood fear of flying courses. I’m not bothered by take off, landing, turbulence or flying. I’m bothered about crashing. And bombs on planes and hijackers.

l’m usually bearable flying outwards. I’m worse flying home because l want to get home. And l hate flying over water

Watching YouTube videos of people flying places helped quite a lot (yes, people do film such a boring thing!)

I'm cabin crew.

If you have any questions I can try to answer....

All I can say it's one of the safest ways of travelling.