From a cheater. You did not love me in the way I wanted to be loved.

[Sadlemon]

My ex partner and I were together for 10 years. We have two children together and at the time of split they were both preschoolers. It turned out ex was cheating on me repeatedly, including only a few months after I gave birth to our first child. He then had multiple affairs with women but still went on to have a second child. He was the one that pushed for child two. Ihad no idea. He always talked so fondly of our family, constantly telling me he loved me and the kids. He worked away a lot.

When I finally caught him out, he then left for the current women and he told me the reason he cheated was because “I never loved him in the way he wanted to be loved” what does that even mean?

AIBU to think this is lies to absolve his shit behaviour?

It means he's a twat.

A man full of stinky excrement. Yuk. I'm sorry you had to put up with that kind of rubbish reversal.
Cause that's what it is. Yeah, why not put the blame on you. What a lier and a dead beat

Oh it’s all your fault that he’s a twat is it? No, he’s a total tosser and you are well rid. One day you will thank the stars that he is out of your life. Hang on in there 💐

He's a feckless twit and he'll get his just deserts in time. Try to put him behind you.

It means that he was blaming you for him
being a scum bag. I wouldn’t let it occupy your brain. He did you a favour by leaving. You haven’t wasted more years of your life on him.

What a self-indulgent, self-pitying twat. Honestly, these men don’t have an ounce of originality.

Utter cunt of a man babbling crap to try and make himself appear better than he is. Cheating arse weasel you are worth so much- in the bin with him

Thanks all. I try not to think about what he says but that sentence really stuck with me. made me feel there is something wrong with me.

It really hurts when I think about how absolutely exhausted I was having to deal with two kids alone while he went away for months. I barely found time to shower yet he had time for affairs. Then I’m told it was my fault.

It wasn’t your fault and you did nothing wrong. It was all him and these ridiculous lines are just a piss poor attempt to shift the blame onto you. Don’t let him do that. This is not your blame or guilt to carry.

I bet it would have been enlightening to ask him what he meant by “how he wanted to be loved”. You might have gotten a sense of the real scale of his expectations and entitlement.

My ex always used to say I said things to him in “the wrong tone”. I could never understand what he found wrong with my tone, so made the mistake of asking what tone I was using, only to be told various nonsensical things.

One day I asked, “what would asking in the right tone sound like?” To my surprise/amusement/horror he repeated approximately what I’d said, but in the most simpering, compliant, tradwife voice I’d ever heard. It made me realise that he expected me to approach him with complete submission before he would feel “respected”.

There is nothing wrong with you - time to aim for the stars

You need to look up "the script".

It's the rewriting of history to massage the ego of the cheater and banish the feeble whisperings of his conscience when it tries to say, "But what about those vows?"

If you give the script any space in your head, it will drive you crazy.

Go to therapy for help evicting his verbal landmines from your head. Give yourself a chance to heal.

www.chumplady.com/do-cheaters-all-work-from-the-same-script/

Well he is being a twat but both men and women who cheat say this also so who is to say he is lying

Some people cheat as they not getting what they need from their partner doesn't make it right of course but who owns people's thoughts?

He sounds like a weapon and you're well rid 💐.

TOXIC as fuck! So he got found out and then blames you? HOOOOOOW? coming from someone whos been cheated on horrifically! NOT OK!

Op google the lyrics to Runaway by Kanye West. Then listen to it. Then sing it out load

And thats why he said it to get to you and to fuck u up mentally…dont let him. Its not u its him. He did it not u. Hes looking for an excuse someone to blame…disgusting

It's his loss, what he did to you will will happen to him later on.

By definition you know that you can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth- he’s a liar. Try not to give him any more head space.

He probably means 'you didn't fix me, or make me the person I want to be, but with zero effort on my part' which is neither your job, nor possible. Lucky escape, hope great things lie ahead for you!

He probably means there wasn’t enough sex on offer immediately after giving birth but can’t bring himself to say that cos that would make him admit to himself he is awful.

He is a cunt.
It is my - controversial - opinion that it's not the fact that men have sex with someone else that is the worst aspect it's the fact that:
A, They're too dumb to hide it.
B, They blame others like the cowards they are instead of owning it and gaslight.

Your husband is a cunt.
Show him this post. I repeat: he is a snivelling whining cunt.

First post nailed it OP.
You aren't responsible for your ex having no morality nor conscience. This is all on him.

God it would be a fucking refreshing change if any of these cunts just said they cheated for sex.

It just reduces you to a commodity. You're not a service - you're a person. He's gross.