Teenage summer student out partying till 7am. Am I right to feel this is not acceptable behaviour?

[CleanCityBird]

I have 2 French girls staying with me while on a language course. Both are 19. One is here for 3 wks, & the other 6 weeks. Vastly different ppl. The one here for 3 weeks has never been away before w/o her parents. She closer to 9 than 19, and to call her a fussy eater is an understatement. Everything is ‘ no I don’t eat that’. I asked her what she eats for breakfast & she said ‘apple sauce’. I had to find it in the baby aisle.
She’s difficult, fussy, hasnt made friends, & hovers around me when she here. She’s a young woman with a lot of problems. I feel sorry for her but at the same time, she is incredibly difficult to live with.
The other girl is the complete opposite, in college, lives alone, mature. But because she’s so used to doing her own thing, she’s not playing by some pretty basic rules. She’s often not shown up for dinner despite confirming she’ll be there. Just a no show. No text, no call, nothing. This is getting under my skin because as it is, I have to cook 2 separate dinners, one for fussy eater ( & she’ll just pick at it), then regular dinner for the other one. And then she doesn’t turn up. If she does make dinner it’s never at dinner time, so I’m often in the kitchen at 10pm, putting together a plate and then cleaning the kitchen afterwards. There no routine. It’s 2 different breakfast time, 2 different dinner times every single day. It’s so time consuming.

The independent one is partying a lot, weekdays and weekends. The last 2 nights, she no showed for dinner despite confirming she would be there, came back at 3am one night, and the next night, went out. and didn’t return until 7am the following morning. I was getting breakfast for the other student when she walked in the door. She duly went to bed for the whole day. Because she was sleeping for the entire day, I felt really uncomfortable in the house, tip toeing around.
I called the school & honestly they are so bad at having clear guidelines on what is acceptable or not. All I know is, I feel like she’s not suitable for a family home accommodation and would be better off in a dorm situation.
I also think I’d be able to handle or tolerate it better if there was not such a contrast between the 2 girls. One who is like a toddler, and the other treating my home like a boarding house.
Aren’t they supposed to ‘blend into daily life’? Of course I’ll always accommodate their socialising, & school schedule, but this seems excessive. I don’t know whether to ask for the girl to be moved.

I don’t understand why you’re catering to both of their demands. Can’t you breakfast and dinner are at set times and if they miss it or don’t want to eat it they can fend for themselves? And you don’t need to tiptoe around your own house - it’s her problem if she wakes up.

Presumably you are getting paid so you are a boarding house?or are you doing this for free?

This.

Or if you are doing it for free, tell them to sort their own food out - they should be more than capable at 19.

If it is getting on your nerves, tell her that if she isn't home by 7pm for dinner then she will have to sort herself out. She is a grown up, she can make herself a sandwich if she misses dinner! I would also tell her that she needs to send a text. It is common courtesy. Also the safety side - at what point would you need to raise an alarm if she didn't come home/respond? Maybe text her parents/teacher when she doesn't come home and they can get in touch with her until she learns to communicate with you better.

You don't sound like your personality is suited to hosting young adults.
It takes a certain type of person to provide a happy, relaxed and safe base.

Applesauce is a normal thing for people to eat in France, you can sometimes get it in Lidl here (when it's French week). Perhaps it's better to provide foods which are more universal though - rolls, butter, jam, croissant, Nutella. As for the partying one, if she's over 18 and here for an experience, of course she won't want to have too many rules - just do food she can microwave

Leave the independent one to it. Allocate her a space in a cupboard and another in the fridge/freezer with food she can heat if she wants. Don't bother being quiet when she's sleeping, that's her problem and I'm sure she's dead to the world anyway. I'd say her behaviour is pretty par for the course, don't stress it.

It's the other one who's the outlier and who needs your focus, I don't have any specific suggestions but I'd be working to her schedule and holding her hand a bit more.

Fruit puree is a popular healthy dessert choice in France. You can find versions in Waitrose and on Ocado which are not "baby food". Search for Biona or Clearspring.

It’s very common to have pots of fruit compote for breakfast in France- like this- they are delicious and you can get them in loads of flavours. It’s not uncommon there at all.

That said, I think you are completely justified in just leaving out a decent range of cereals, fruit and bread/ toppings and just leaving them to it. The same with the dinner, cook one thing and then if the 19yr old isn’t in either leave a portion in the fridge or say she’s welcome to make a sandwich. Presumably they have done spending money- they can just buy something out if they prefer.

On the 19th old being out, she’s a young adult and if she were at uni she’d keep her own hours. I’d give basic safety advice and a few taxi numbers but I think if she wants to stay out then it’s up to her, unless she’s disturbing you or leaving the front door open or something.

epiceriecorner.co.uk/products/compote-andros-pomme-nature-12x100g?variant=41130714398884&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAoUO28VlEQ2Q0n6cbzdsr-LeOoYt5&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn9y1BhC2ARIsAG5IY-5vjBTcU_gXwqoooZ0r8MeDwkfN_zhMDw38Rx9OzzzHKMYKiKAGxQMaAvr9EALw_wcB

For the party girl, leave her to it. She’s 19 in another country, shes doing normal 19 year old student stuff. Just leave out some bread, butter, cheese, deli meats and maybe boiled eggs. She can pick what she wants from that when she gets up.

The quiet one should be your focus, if she’s hovering around you, maybe try and strike up a deeper relationship. Take her out, try and get her out of her shell. She probably has no idea what to do as a young adult. Probably been in cotton wool all her life. Are there any British teens you know of who she can hang out with?

The 19 year old is an adult ! She can do what she likes surely ? I agree it sounds like you are putting far too much time into preparing meals. Just tell them what time you will feed them then leave it cold if they aren't there.

Host family here (25 years) - students knows what time to return - doesn't return - no food! An important part of their stay with us is our evening meal where we all eat together at the dining table. We plate the meals up so if student returns while we are eating they can join us. Spare meal is kept for next day lunch or breakfast for my daughter or partner if they are working from home.
Fussy eater - she eats what she wants off her plate.
Breakfast - I supply a range of cereal, brown & white bread - can use toaster, jams, nuttela, honey, marmalade. Butter / marmalade. Fruit juice, coffee and different teas. Students organise their own breakfast with the ingredients I supply.
Students can go to the supermarket and buy anything else they wish. If students are with us for a long time I make sure to have the cereal, bread etc they like. They can use our fridge to store foods to make packed lunches.
I ask students to whatsapp me if they aren't going to return for evening meal. School nights - especially - If they go out I ask them to let me know they are safe. They are adults but I worry - don't need to know the details!

Our language school gives us clear guidelines to follow.

Happy to answer any other questions

Sorry OP if you are being paid, you are a boarding house. It is reasonable if the party girl does not turn up, to plate up her dinner and leave it in the fridge for her. I do not understand why you are cooking 2 dinners though, Surely you just cook 2 meals of what the fussy one will eat? Although so far it does not sound like the shy one is fussy, simply that she wants French food rather than British food.
In terms of staying out late or all night, that is normal. You are providing a room and food, you are not her mother. I would not tip toe around during the day, but she can sleep all day if she wants to.
I agree it is the shy one who is more of a problem. Whether you want to help her tackle her issues is up to you.

I host language students. The school expects them to let us know if they will not be home for dinner and expects us to set aside their meal if they want to come home late.

you need to say - dinner will be from 7 to 730pm. Then either save a portion for the no show of the school expects it or don’t if not.

at 19 they can go and come as they please but she should come in very quietly

Dinner is x time, if you're not back it will be in the fridge in tupperware for you to microwave, or there's always cheese and crackers and fruit availabile, help yourself. Make what you're making, and they can eat it or choose not to, and find an alternative themselves.

Don't tiptoe round an all day sleeper, they'll be flat out. Get yourself some ear plugs and try not to over think it.

In the UKappple sauce is usually called stewed apple. It's the easiest thing I the world to make and costs very little. Cooking apples (bramleys are best), sugar, water. Cook in a pan on the hob or microwave in a couple of minutes.

At 19 they are adults and can go out and do as they please. I would insist that they tell me if they will be home or not though. That is the main boundary I have with my young adult children. They tell me by 4pm if they will want dinner or not and they let me know if they are home or staying out so I not worrying.

This is your house, your rules. Kindly, please stop being a doormat. If they’re not in for when you make dinner, they’re making it themselves. The “independent” one isa cheeky fucker and is showing you no respect. Get her told!

This.

Not really the point of the thread, but I'm curious how much host families are paid?

Then we hosted we did this. It's enough.
You aren't paid to do more.

The weekly income as a host could be as much as £250 per student depending on where you live and the services you provide e.g. meals, private bathroom and age of students.

We live near a language school. I wonder if having a Spanish person would help my DC learn the language? Sounds interesting anyway. Will possibly have a spare bedroom if eldest is off to Uni

@namechange1986 @MumChp |ncome is also taxed.

Eh? Why not communicate everything you've said politely to both. That the shy one needs you give you some space.
Put some guidelines in place. A text. Home by midnight. Whatever. Cook a dinner, leave it covered in tin foil and she can then heat it up.