Teenage summer student out partying till 7am. Am I right to feel this is not acceptable behaviour?

[CleanCityBird]

I have 2 French girls staying with me while on a language course. Both are 19. One is here for 3 wks, & the other 6 weeks. Vastly different ppl. The one here for 3 weeks has never been away before w/o her parents. She closer to 9 than 19, and to call her a fussy eater is an understatement. Everything is ‘ no I don’t eat that’. I asked her what she eats for breakfast & she said ‘apple sauce’. I had to find it in the baby aisle.
She’s difficult, fussy, hasnt made friends, & hovers around me when she here. She’s a young woman with a lot of problems. I feel sorry for her but at the same time, she is incredibly difficult to live with.
The other girl is the complete opposite, in college, lives alone, mature. But because she’s so used to doing her own thing, she’s not playing by some pretty basic rules. She’s often not shown up for dinner despite confirming she’ll be there. Just a no show. No text, no call, nothing. This is getting under my skin because as it is, I have to cook 2 separate dinners, one for fussy eater ( & she’ll just pick at it), then regular dinner for the other one. And then she doesn’t turn up. If she does make dinner it’s never at dinner time, so I’m often in the kitchen at 10pm, putting together a plate and then cleaning the kitchen afterwards. There no routine. It’s 2 different breakfast time, 2 different dinner times every single day. It’s so time consuming.

The independent one is partying a lot, weekdays and weekends. The last 2 nights, she no showed for dinner despite confirming she would be there, came back at 3am one night, and the next night, went out. and didn’t return until 7am the following morning. I was getting breakfast for the other student when she walked in the door. She duly went to bed for the whole day. Because she was sleeping for the entire day, I felt really uncomfortable in the house, tip toeing around.
I called the school & honestly they are so bad at having clear guidelines on what is acceptable or not. All I know is, I feel like she’s not suitable for a family home accommodation and would be better off in a dorm situation.
I also think I’d be able to handle or tolerate it better if there was not such a contrast between the 2 girls. One who is like a toddler, and the other treating my home like a boarding house.
Aren’t they supposed to ‘blend into daily life’? Of course I’ll always accommodate their socialising, & school schedule, but this seems excessive. I don’t know whether to ask for the girl to be moved.

Yes of course.
You don't get rich but it can be a fun experience.

The student is supposed to have focus on his/hers English course and you shouldn't speak Spanish with him/her. And you will host different nationalitet.

Is this a 'business' if so then I would stop it doesn't sound like it's working

But wasting food is wrong so they should atleast not say they will be gome and not show up

OP I have only read your one post as no time to read others however having finally relinquished my own students I can one tell you I will NEVER do it again and two, they are sent to us as punishment. That said, and I am in Ireland so not sure where you are but the kids I have had were 14. I pandered, mammied, did every jaysus thing I could. It was not acepted. I tried to lay down the law with meals, meal times, cleanliness, screens - I got ignored. in my own home in front of my own kids who now see and appreciate me more than they have before.

I can only offer the advice of not doing it again. No amount of 'cash free payment' is worth feeling like that in your own home. Learn from the experience, value your own kids more, allow them to value you more and once your students have gone - totally clear out that bedroom/bathroom/fridge etc and let the anxiety leave with them. Ride it out. I hear you though. I feel you. Its fucking hard,

That was my thought process too. I wont think of it again. not worth it.

This has been so helpful, thank you.

@MumChp sums it up - it can be a great experience for all. Sometimes students and families aren’t a good fit but that’s life. It’s about how you feel you can manage and what is tolerable for you - young French girl sounds quite distressed and distressing.

Ms sociable - I’ve actually turned it round to - let me know if you are going to be eating with us and I’ll prepare food.

Eating together is a social experience to encourage and improve their confidence in conversing in English. Language school asks that we eat evening meal together.

it’s not all been plain sailing over the years but the majority of the students and the hosting experience has been positive.

I’ve never hosted but I have had various different experiences with my sons.

Ideally say to the part girl that meals are at whatever time if she is going to be at the meal
then she needs to let you know an hour beforehand, if she doesn’t then she will have to have the food heated up by herself or have beans on toast or egg on toast.
if she is out parting and in bed -then you just crack on with your day, doing what you would normally do, including hoovering etc.
The very young one needs you to say, you are 19 - I have things to do so you keep yourself occupied - you’re not a babysitter you are literally offering a room and board.

My Mum took in students during the summer holidays a couple of times. I was about 11 and thought the German and French girls were so cool. They played with us and taught us all the swear words lol but looking back some gave my mum a hard time. They stayed out really late and she was always worrying about them. One girl called Brigitte was smoking in the bedroom and Mum told her that was not allowed. One afternoon she threw a fag end out the window and it landed on the plastic sunroom roof causing it to melt and set alight. Dad was at work and the neighbours put it out. She stayed but was so embarrassed and her parents phoned and apologised to Mum. Every time she went on a trip after that she brought my Mum a present like fudge or a tea towel.

Most of us agree that the consensus is that it's harder work than you think, and with hindsight probably not a good idea.

I've wondered about hosting. I've had exchange students before who were younger but there are always teachers to ask in that situation and the rules are unambiguous.

Can I ask please those of you who host foreign language students... what are the guidelines around duty of care?

If a student 17-19 years god forbid didn't come home at all for example? Say one of them found themselves in real difficulty? What would your role be? I mean obviously you would raise the alarm but I don't like the ambiguity about who is responsible? It's worrying enough with one's own teens never mind someone else's! Are there clear guidelines?

I've hosted.

In theory they are paying for a "British home stay experience".

I provided fruit, croissants, cereal, at breakfast and they chose what they wanted. After a couple of days I told them where the breakfast cupboard was and some ate earlier.

They had lunch out each day.

I cooked in the evenings for them. Usually I made something that could come in a variety of ways - so for example bought a selection of supermarket pizzas plus Italian salad.

I also asked to learn some of their recipes and we went to the supermarket together. I now make a decent fried chicken and plantain.

I always left spare food in the fridge so if anyone was late they could eat it (or eat later as a snack). I also kept in (cheap) snacks - in
My experience teenagers of all ages eat a lot.

The food was less of an issue than the emotional support - I also had one who had never left home much less her. Country before and she really struggled. Cried a lot, was rude about my house and the food (in a I hate this sort of way).

I got paid 150 per student per week. For the emotional support at random times honestly it wasn't worth it.

I did it once but I won't do it again, not so much because of the food but also because I just don't want to be woken at 5am by a crying teenager who misses her mum.

I'm too old for that.

A 19 year old out partying? Shocking.
As for the picky eater not sure I’d eat baby food tbf.

@Fortyshadesofgreen345

When I hosted I had the WhatsApp of a member of staff at the language school. I contacted him with any concerns.

He was very responsive and helpful.

If a teen hadn't come home I would have whatsapped him to let him know.

I did contemplate asking mine to turn on tracking but they didn't have data on their phones. I thought asking them to carry an AirTag was a step too far....

Just a thought op; could you ask the older independent student to be moved to a single placement, to be replaced by a quieter more studious one who would be a friend to the clingy one? Then arm them both with brochures for museums, art galleries, libraries, stately homes, and let them get on with it?

Thanks Octavia84 that sounds fairly straightforward if there's someone you can contact.

Its not a Boarding House relationship/contract. It is staying en famille and there are expectations and the students do abuse it some more than others. Make some adjustments if its still not working then go back to the college and get them moved.

Crikey Octavia84 sounds like you were a great host but agree that scenario is a bit too demanding. Once over sixteen, I would hope a teen would be able to be reasonably emotionally independent with the odd bit of sympathetic help here and there.

I remember my two exchange students eating their way through multi pack after multi pack of yoghurts and one complaining about our shower head being too small 😀

In the early days I spent lots of time preparing a typical English picnic and took them to a nearby stately home and they spent all their time in the gift shop and eating chips from a van 😀 so fairly typical teens in other words 😀. I learned to do less over the years! They did all like English home baking though.

Fruit puree is a common thing to eat. And why complain having to make two breakfasts. It’s hardly an effort to take out the fruit puree from the fridge? The 19-year old can and probably wants to make her own breakfast. It’s your choice to tip toe all day.

You do get paid for this, sounds like you’ve forgotten that. It doesn’t sound like hosting is for you though, at least now you know.

My first experience with UK was staying in an English host family as 14 yo. I was placed in the same family as 15 yo.

We kept in touch. It was before the internet.
I came to spend time with them them every year in my holiday from university. Sometimes at Christmas or Easter. Watched the young kids grow up to adults.
They are godparents of our 3 children.

I moved to the area if UK with my own young family for 15 years and ended up in Scotland. We have citizenship now.

So I got an English family for life and we hosted language students a few summers then our oldest children were teenagers because it was an experience and we learnt a lot about European culture. Even had a few kids from our native EU country.

But in £ it's not worth it. At all.

What a great story MumChp!