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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to know when DH will be home from work?

26 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:41

Please let me know if you just accept it as normal, because I find it very hard to deal with.

He works away a lot so we have our own routine here (me and DC), but when he is back he is very shaky with letting me know when he'll be back. He often states a time, then comes home four hours later, with no apology. Or he'll come home earlier than he said so I am in the middle of bathing or settling the children which is just frustrating.

I know he has a stressful job but a little respect wouldn't be too bad.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 15/04/2008 17:43

My DH wouldn't dream of being hours late without letting me know

It's common courtesy, isn't it - quite apart from the fact that it is far better for the children to know whether they are looking forward to seeing him or not that day.

Even if he's in a job where it's full on all the time, he is allowed to go to the loo I imagine! He could send a quick text at least IMO.

CountessDracula · 15/04/2008 17:44

YANBU

It doesn't take much to call you or text you and let you know

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:45

He's forever forgetting his personal mobile at home. I am starting to think he does it deliberately.

I agrre Honoria

OP posts:
belgo · 15/04/2008 17:47

it is really annoying when they suddenly come how early and disrupt the children's routine. I would want to knwo to the nearest hour.

donbean · 15/04/2008 17:47

mine does this as well...but then so do i.
if i am working my tota concentration is work and i loose track of the time...when i look at the clock, i cant believe the time, then i ring home and tell dh when i think i will be home but some times i am a couple of hours past my end of shift.

girlfrommars · 15/04/2008 17:48

If he doesn't let you know in advance then I would just carry on with what you're doing if he comes home early, and eat without him if he comes home late.

He might be more likely to phone if he finds that the alternative is a plate in the microwave or being ignored because you're busy.

MissKubelik · 15/04/2008 17:50

YANBU

DH is usually home by 6.30, if he's going to be late by more than 15 mins or so he rings me to let me know. Common courtesy IMO.

catzy · 15/04/2008 17:50

It must take him a journey to get home. Surely he would text you when he leaves to say he's one his way.

hanaflower · 15/04/2008 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

terramum · 15/04/2008 17:50

YANBU....Even if he forgets his personal mobile, can he not quickly text you on his work one & then reimburse his work for it?

DH works stupidly long hours but always calls me when he is on his way home & give a rough estimate depending on what the traffic reports are like, if he is popping into town on his way etc....it means a)I can get his dinner done for when he gets home and b)i don't worry he has been killed on a pile up on the motorway.....

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:51

I've asked him before, when he hasn't got his mobile to just call from a payphone and let me know.
But apparently there are none in central London.!?

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 15/04/2008 17:51

I must admit I wouldn't complain if he came home earlier though - it might give him the impression he can't do anything right! Better that he is there and the kids see him, even if it's a bit out of the routine and stirs them up a bit IMO

HonoriaGlossop · 15/04/2008 17:52

or how about suggesting he just gets his head in gear and remembers his mobile....many, many people remember this difficult and complex task every day

hanaflower · 15/04/2008 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:57

I know. It's just adding up, and the bigger picture is terrifying.

OP posts:
hanaflower · 15/04/2008 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orangina · 15/04/2008 18:01

You dh sounds soooooooooooooooooooooooo like the (ex) dh of a friend of mine. It's scary. And no, you are not being unreasonable. Could he perhaps call you from the office last thing before he leaves his desk?
I hate this, why should you have to beg him for something like this? It's totally humiliating....

Wheelybug · 15/04/2008 18:02

I never know what time DH is going to be in although I always know it will be after dd's bedtime. However, he wouldn't give me a time and then be late. He just rings me when he is leaving so I have about an hours notice.

orangina · 15/04/2008 18:02

I don't do the hug thing either. But if I did, I would.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 18:05

Thanks I've decided to just feck him and do our own thing tonight. I'll make sure he doesn't disturb the DC when he gets in.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 18:06

(Thanks for the hugs , I need them)

OP posts:
orangina · 15/04/2008 18:11

here... have this and this while you're at it....

yomellamoHelly · 15/04/2008 18:20

My dh calls just as he's turning the computer off (real quick one) and if the trains are massively delayed. So I always know +/- 15 when he'll get in.
Hope you get it sorted.

littlemissmatalan · 15/04/2008 18:31

Oh I get this all the time.

He will come and late just as I have fianally settled the children down and get them all excited again.
"Daddy's home, it must be time to play"

So frustrating .

MY DH always says there was no phone boxes or he could'nt get a signal on his phone,rather conveniant.

I try to stay calm but know how you feel TDWP.

KMUN · 15/04/2008 19:11

Tricky one this. We try and do a forecast on upcoming home times for the week ahead at the weekend, as his schedule can be a bit up in the air and he works late often. Sometimes works and it does highlight where the likely trouble-spots are. Usually he's quite good at calling/texting/emailing and I'll initiate if it's beyond an expected time. Must say, have got used to doing my own thing of an evening and he has to fit in.

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