Calling all mums of 13/14 year olds

[MrsCarterS112]

What are your experiences of teen relationships at this age. What should us mums expect?

I bloody hope to expect no relationships at this age. Mine (14,5) still says it's gross seeing people in movies kiss and "so cringe" to see them hold hands 😂. I am comfortable with that for another year, then I am going to start thinking she is a bit weird.

Ds2 is 14 and has had a girlfriend for about 3 months now. She's lovely, very sweet and polite and they spend a lot of time together but mainly as part of a larger group.

Last week he came home with a bloody big lovebite on his neck 🤢 which warranted some discussions.

Do you mean romantic relationships or the relationship between you and your teens?

Relationships between you and teens or relationships between teens?

Mine is 13, no relationship. Some of DC's friends have had gfs and bfs since Y7. I talk to DC about relationships, boundaries and consent. Talking with them and listening to them is the plan as there is so much out of my control.

What do you mean?

My DD is 14 and has a boyfriend, they have been out just the two of them twice in 6 months and mostly hang out in a group at school and in the park. He is in her classes at school. She holds his hand and has kissed him on the cheek, she asked me about how you know how to do proper kissing she was quite disgusted that her friend told her you rub tongues together. We had a chat and she decided she isn’t ready for that yet. Bless her.
I also know she has a friend whose boyfriend has just finished his GCSEs and they have done a lot more as have a couple of others but in her friendship group it is mostly still “holding hands in the playground” type stuff.

I mean romantic relationships

DS 14 shows no current interest in having a girlfriend or boyfriend (I have asked just in case) He's way more interested in his computer games.

DD didn't have her first boyfriend until she was 15, you could say my kids are both a bit late starters. But they are just both occupied with other things.

Neither of mine had the least interest in romance at that age. They said so regularly. This surprised me, because I was interested when I was a young teen. I didn't actually HAVE a BF/GF until I was 15, but only because the opportunity didn't present itself.

I have a 13 year old DD, has had "crushes" on boys but no interest in actually dating yet

Two older teenage girls, put them in an all girls school. No boyfriends yet and I hope it stays that way for their education 🤞

14 yearold girl here, she has crushes on Kpop singers and actors like Thimothee Chalamet but thinks real boys her age are gross. Fine by me 😀

15 DD with SEN. Seemingly no interest in either sex yet.

Boys - 13 and 15, no interest as of yet. Hate being asked about it by people and ask me to tell family to stop if they ask because it annoys them and makes them feel uncomfortable, which i think is fair comment. Say there's plenty of time for dating when not at school anymore. They are into computers and sports, have big friend groups and both seem set on going to university (one computer science or sport science, one maths or physics)

DD 14 has her first boyfriend; he's a sweet kid and mostly they just hang out here or go for walks (presumably that means for snogging). But he seems a sweet sensible kid.

My daughter is 14 and, similar to a PP, she only ever spends time with her boyfriend at school. They've only ever met outside of school a couple of times, and on both occasions were in a larger group. They walk at break and hold hands, she says they haven't kissed. They endlessly whatsapp and snapchat messages to each other though outside of school, messages that consist almost entirely of love heart emojis 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂

DD had a friend who became a gf for a while, the only thing that changed is that they started to hold hands and when they had sleepovers the other mum and I agreed that sleepovers had to be a group thing and made it clear they weren't to sleep in the same bed etc the relationship petered out naturally and they are back to being friends. They went to Costa and the cinema but they've always done that.

But having worked in a secondary, relationships can go from teens having no interest to full sexual relationships and sleeping at each others houses regularly. Most are somewhere down the middle.

It seemed increasingly common for girls to have a gf, I think the likelihood of them all being same sex attracted as grown ups is unlikely, it seems to be abit of a protective buffer from being called frigid of yesteryear and to avoid male attention.

My 14 year old ds still hides his eyes when there's snogging on telly and cringes when there any talk of sex.

Goodjob.

My DD2 is 14 this month, very academic but quite young emotionally. Not remotely interested. My very lovely autistic 16 year old girl is starting to be interested but has no idea how to flirt. I’m hoping she finds someone once she starts college. She isn’t interested in booze which was the only way I got past my insecurities and got boyfriends. She asked me how to get a boyfriend but sadly cider is all I’ve got 🙁

My 13 year old daughter has a boyfriend of the same age. There is no physical element to the relationship beyond hugs/hand-holding, so it's like a very close friendship in many ways (and they were friends before they started, in her words, "dating"). She started talking about fancying people (for want of a better way to put it) when she was pretty young - 9 maybe? I remember being the same myself. We also both went through physical puberty relatively early, so possibly that is linked....

We've talked about sex etc, and she knows that I would prefer her to wait till at least 16 for reasons of emotional safety, and says she broadly agrees - we've also talked about how it's easy to get swept up in the moment etc. Ultimately I just want her to be safe! There is a fine balance to strike I feel, between being non-judgemental so that she always feels able to speak to me, and also counselling caution where big and tricky things like sex and relationships are concerned.

There is a lot of variation at this age, some kids will have a strong sense of who they are attracted to/desires to act on it, and others will still be quite oblivious to all of that! It's all within the scope of "normal"....

You want us to talk about juvenile’s relationships? Uh. No ta you frigging p**v.

This for me was the most risky age with our son .(14)

Thankfully hes through the other side of it now , but they tend to start experimenting, this is the age where a lot of sexting can happen and nude type selfies.

Keep a close eye because while they start experimenting more they also become less communicative.

It was also the age at which my step son became involved in experimenting.

I really did not like that age- i was an anxious wreck.

So ill be honest its different nowadays. My partners got a daughter now 15 but at 14 they found texts on her phone. And on tiktok to a man. Talking about sex. Wanting to have sex really inappropriate talk to a man god knows how old. The internet is dangerous what they are exposed to makes them grow up too quick. They are children and its our jobs to protect them. Dont be suprised that sex will be a topic. Some girls will have had it as some boys. Others wont its upbringing its knowledge around the subject being open talking. Not ina. Mum way even tho we worry sick. They have to be able to come to u and talk. Dont make the mistake of embarrassing them to the point they cant. what are their frendship groups like? its different nowadays…social media and esp tiktok exposes them to things they shouldnt be x