Calling all mums of 13/14 year olds

[MrsCarterS112]

What are your experiences of teen relationships at this age. What should us mums expect?

This.
Can't believe how many posters willingly just jumped in feet first 🤷‍♀️

We cannot relate to this generation your talking about a generation of CHILDREN stabbing people! STABBING…this is a totally different generation so dont be shocked by anything. All we can do is guide them

The reason I’m asking is dd is in an off relationship with a boy same age. There is no physical element other than a cuddle very sparsely. However all he does is accuse her of cheating on him, one week they are on the next off.
she seems to just accept this. She sometimes paints it out to be better than it is. Her friends get involved too and 2 of them sent her videos of them with him. Last night one sent a video of herself with hun whilst he stuck her fingers up. It just feels so wrong and not healthy whilst she is just happy to be in what I see as a tocuc cycle.
i. Said I don’t want him around her, I want to nan him girl out house as last week he ended the relationship with her in front of all their friends, saying she cheated (she thinks her friend told him this and it’s a lie).

if I do ban him and go against it I know full well she will just hide it from me.

@MrsCarterS112 This sounds very worrying. I would thread carefully. You are right in thinking that banning him will likely result in your daughter keeping it a secret. I would continue having conversations with your daughter about healthy relationships vs abuse and hope that she will develop some awareness if not immediately, then later in life.
But there may come a point where you have to think of harsher measures to protect her.
Have you discussed it with the school? I think there may be a case for keeping an eye on a boy ( thinking he may have learned this behaviour at home, in which case I think school should be aware of the potential impact of his home life on his MH. Or he may just be a little shit).

That you know about 😂

Two of my friends who were at all girls schools managed to have numerous secret boyfriends from other schools...in fact I think they were more active on that score because it was like "forbidden fruit"!

My autistic DD13 claims to be gay but there is no sign of any relationship on the horizon.

I think things are different now - but in a better way than you do.
In the 90s for our school at least, the aim was get as old a boyfriend as you can with a car.
When I was 15 I was sleeping with a 23 year old , this was pretty average. My friend in the year above had a boyfriend who was 42!
Both of my teens 100% know it’s weird for adults to be interested in teenagers. I actually think the internet has made them more aware of weird people whereas we had no idea and thought these men loved us.
I also think it is fine to reply to a thread like this because if it’s genuine it helps a mum and if it’s not it shows the weirdos that these kids aren’t interested.

100%
was Quite shocked by those comments as it’s not sexual?

OP, after your update the issue seems to be less about romantic relationships, and more about toxic relationships and bullying generally. I mean in many ways your daughter’s situation is just like having a non romantic frenemy and nasty friendship group.

If I were you, I’d keep talking about how real friends and decent BFs/GFs make people feel good about themselves and don’t deliberately hurt them. Maybe see if your daughter would be open to watching some TV or films with you where good relationships are on display?

My dd and I liked Heartstopper and Atypical very much. Also maybe talk to her about relationships you’ve had, how it feels to be with a partner who likes and respects you compared with one who uses you and makes you second guess everything.