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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in to DD1 and let her have her hair cut

63 replies

eandh · 15/04/2008 16:49

I have been growing dd1 (shes 3.7 foing on 21 at the moment ) hair since she was born and she has wavy/ringlet hair (I've just taken a pic and put it on profile)

I love her hair and she gets loads of comments on it but now she wants me to take her to hairdressers to have it cut off.

I said 'no' because I know she'd want long hair again and wouldnt understand she'd have to wait.

I am not being unreasonable am I (DH said its her hair and we should let her!)

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:27

Twinkie it's a fine line surely?
I remember friends at school with hair down to their bum whos mothers wouldn't let them cut it, but also ones with short bobs who had it hacked off as their mother feared nits

Twinkie1 · 15/04/2008 17:28

She did want to once and it got to her shoulders and she asked me to have it cut again because it was such a nightmare to keep tangle free!

LittleWonder · 15/04/2008 17:29

Compromise - take her for a big enough trim to please her, small enough to please you!

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/04/2008 17:32

You must play it carefully too, do you have a good hairdresser?
Be aware that she might sob once it's all cut off and she will 'want it back'
So ask them to trim it all round a couple of inches at a time.

Original poster
eandh · 15/04/2008 17:44

Wow finished baths (no tears at hair washing and the spray in conditioner solves the wet hair brushing becoming a tantrum!) and loads of replies - I think I'll taker her to hairdressers and get them to show her what it'll look like and then maybe do a few inches at a time.

I am going to leave it for a few days and not mention anything about it as it may be that she doesnt mention it (plus with the school holidays and DH working weekend I do not want to have to take both the dd's to the hairdressers)

I did wonder whether it would be more work shorter as when it was growing and got to shoulder length it did get in a tangley mess at times as it wasnt quite long enbough to tie back (now its tied/plaited most days so doesnt actually get in her way)

Thansk again

Thanks for all of the replies (

OP posts:
hecate · 15/04/2008 17:50

What about getting a pic here at the virtual salon so you can get an idea what would suit?

CoteDAzur · 15/04/2008 17:53

YABU. It is her hair, and if she wants it back afterwards, well, it is as good a time as any to learn there are always consequences with each choice

misdee · 15/04/2008 17:57

i have 3 dd's all with various length hair. dd3 (3years old)has the shortest with a nice short bob, and dd2 (5yrs old) currently has the longest as we are growing it all out one length so she can have a nice neat bob as well. she had some layers cut in (at 4!) as her hair is so darn thick and crazy in an attempt to manage it better. but now she wants it short again. dd1 (8years old) has straight hair with curls at the end similar to your dd, but prefers her hair shorter as well. i dont like telling my girls how they should have their hair, i had long hair as a child and tbh, as much as it was lovely it was also a PITA. i hated it being brushed. i have had short hair for a while now, and still prefer it.

catzy · 15/04/2008 18:09

I think you are doing the right thing eandh. It's a case of you can't be right either way. If you don't take her you've ignored her requests, if you do take her she'll probably hate it.

As a child I had very long hair and wanted it cut. My mum refused and I took matters into my own hands. This involved several dangerous manouvres with a chair and a table to get to the high place my mother kept the sissors. As you can imagine when my mum did take me to the hairdressers to sort the mess out I looked a state and can remember crying many times coz I thought I looked like a boy. Sometimes mums do know whats best but it can take them along time to learn that.

ladytophamhatt · 15/04/2008 18:19

Actually, going against the grain here but I wouldn't get it cut, she has lovely hair and I wouldn't get it cut because she wants it cut. Both of you will regret it IMO.

DS1 wants to grow his hair but as its me that has to remind him to bloody wash it as it is theres no way he'sve growing it longer then the No#4 clippers job it is now.

I'm in charge in these parts

Original poster
eandh · 15/04/2008 18:20

catzy I did think she may be tempted with scissors and a diy job and have moved them just in case

OP posts:
Original poster
eandh · 15/04/2008 18:29

LTH - whats inspired ds4 to grow his hair???

OP posts:
Twiglett · 15/04/2008 18:31

can't you take her to hairdresser and let them trim it an inch though .. she's not even 4 it's the experience probably

yorkishbirdy · 15/04/2008 18:47

One of my daughters friends has never been allowed to cut her hair - apart from a quick trim. She is nearly 11 and gets so upset and frustrated with it she cries to me about it (fairly often ). She has to wash it, brush it and tie it back - but her Mum feels that it is up to her what her daughter does with her hair - and besides "it looks so nice long". I cannot say anything to the Mum as it is not my place (although I am fed up of doing her headlice whenever she sleeps over here - as the girl asks me to).

I know the above is not you but please be careful not to allow it to become like this, this child is sad without any good reason (IMO) and is losing all respect for her Mum, I know your dd is young now but the ability to have some control over their own body is important to children.

jasper · 15/04/2008 19:32

LTH I agree . My child centred laid back approach stops at hair that is as lovley as your daughter's.

STEP BACK FROM THE SCISSORS

Squirdle · 15/04/2008 19:38

I think she is too young to decide at 3 and a half! DS3 is 3.3 and wouldn't have any opinion on how he wants his hair to be.

Her hair is beautiful and while I wouldn't grow it any longer, I also wouldn't cut it either. Like you say, you tie it up most of the time anyway.

But then again, I was never allowed to grow my hair long as a child and I have 3 boys, so maybe thats why I feel like I do

Squirdle · 15/04/2008 19:39

I think there comes a point when a child is old enough though and at 11 the girl someone mentioned should be able to have her own opinion!

RIELOVESBACARDI · 15/04/2008 19:39

i had mine cut off to just above shoulder length when i was 11 and cried for a week i can still remember everyone saying what have you done to your hair

FrannyandZooey · 15/04/2008 19:41

I think it is her hair and fair enough that she has it how she wants it
it WILL grow back if she changes her mind

DontCallMeBaby · 15/04/2008 19:49

DD was after the same thing last time she had her hair cut, but it was only on the day that she mentioned it, so we didn't go for it. Now she has an appointment in six weeks (along with me) and we'll talk a little while before that and see what she wants to do. Don't want it done on a whim, but if she wants it, she can have it, it's her hair! I'm in two minds - it's nice as it is (very like OP's DD1's hair, but blonde) but it was adorable in a bob when she was 2 (she's 4 now). I've never had long hair (thin and fine, looks dreadful past chin length) so I kind of like putting it in plaits and whatnot, but I'm rubbish at it!

DH reckons to compromise and go for shoulder length, but I reckon that's the worst of both worlds.

Original poster
eandh · 15/04/2008 19:53

just checked this and missed the recent posts, when she went to bed she did mention the hairdressers so I held her up and under he chin and mentioned that it'll take a long time to grow but if she really wants to then I'll make her an apointment.

She asked for dh to go and say night and whispered to him that maybe she wanted to stay looking like she had princess hair

OP posts:
Original poster
eandh · 15/04/2008 19:55

held her hair up (sorry shouldnt try and msn and post at same time!)

OP posts:
brimfull · 15/04/2008 19:56

tell her to wait for a few weeks ,then see how she feels

personally I'd give in if she still wants it cut,bobs are so much easier for little girls,she's got loads of time for long hair when she's older.

she is being practical after all

dropdeadfred-you've never let your 16yr old dd have her hair cut?Why? How long is it? That's a tad controlling isn't it?

ladytophamhatt · 15/04/2008 20:02

Its ds3 who had long hair eandh.

He's our only blonde one and I thought I can't have a blonde boy with short hair if we live by the sea so he was my little surf dude.

Not any more though.

Funnily enough he was mentioning getting his hair cut recently, but only the bits around his ears, he still wanted it long at the back and...like a mullet (!!). Also In the last few week several people had mistaken him for a little girl so I thought maybe its time to get it cut so it isn't long anymore.

He didn't get his own way though.

No mullets allowed here!

ellideb · 15/04/2008 20:07

YANBU in my opinion, i'd tell her she can cut it when she is older i.e 10. I feel the same way about ear piercings, something they should earn when they are old enought to understand what they are doing and in the case of ear piercings, old enought o look after them.

I had wanted my lovely long blonde hair chopped off when I was 8 and my mum let me after much persuasion and nagging from me, i regretted it instantly afterwards and cried over it because it had been so long and straight. I was even teased in school after because i looked so different (and childish friends) so there would be no way I'd let my daughter have her hair cut until she is old enough to do it without my permission!

Yes I do think it is quite selfish too!