Do take action on him taking child abroad without my consent...

[User8901736gdhen]

Was told at 3pm today Ex was taking DD to a seaside resort for the weekend. Fine, its his weekend he can do what he wants.
Got a text 45 mins later he will be taking him to a European country until Sunday. He was due to be on the train 7pm.

I have messaged back to say I haven't had any time to consider this and that I haven't agreed it.

He has messaged back to say I took them on holiday to Spain 2 years ago and he hadn't approved to that.
I did post about that here at the time as he was so mardy about it, but never actually said he didn't approve to it. It was for a family birthday.

For context he is controlling and has recently picked DD up from school on my day after I had said no and taken her to another city.

Not sure what I should do - he has gone and is currently travelling.

Is the trip all within the usual time he has DD?

This is sounds very unhealthy. What is your coparenting relationship like? Why does he require your permissiom to pick her up from school? You say he is controlling but this post makes you sound controlling.

Are you actually concerned for her safety or is this a control thing?

Would taking action be in your daughter's best interest?

So you took them away and that was fine even though he didn't approve it, but you don't think he should take then away? Sounds fair.🙄

Did you ask for his approval when you took the child away?

I think you should send an email in writing after the trip that it's illegal and you could have called the police for child abduction. If in future he doesn't give you x amount of notice then you'll call the police and stop it happening and the child will know that it's your exes fault not yours. But only if you're willing to follow through.
Why does he have the passport?

Stop using your child to play games. There is a absolutely nothing wrong with him taking her on a wee trip away. And why wasn’t he allowed an extra day after school with her? Why did you say no?

It doesn’t sound like you even asked his permission to take her to Spain; you just told him?

She doesn’t belong to you. She is a person with every right to have these experiences with her dad as well as with you.

It’s good to have a set schedule so you can both plan but it isn’t good to stick so rigidly to it that it gets in the way of you each doing special things with her or having a little extra time, as long as it suits both of you.

Bottom line is that you need to grow up. It isn’t about you. It’s about your child. Learn to be flexible, learn some give and take (as long as he does it for you too) and let her have nice experiences with you both.

Right… but she didn’t ask for his permission either.

He would need the mums permission to get the daughter from school and take her out for the evening if it's normally mums day

Would you have said no?

Does he have parental responsibility?

Is there a reason you would have said no? If you have no valid safety concerns, then there's no reason why he shouldn't take her away during his time.

Well if he gets stopped on his way out or back and they ask for the consent letter he will be a bit screwed unless he's forged one

If he has PR he does not need anyone’s permission to pick his child up from school.

or for anything else, except taking her out the country.

just the same as mum doesn’t need his permission to take her out of school or anything else.

Probably seen it on mn where it’s frequently suggested.

How old is she?
5 or 15 - it makes a difference.

He's trying to mess with you.

Unless you have concerns about him returning your child (he has dual nationality etc.) I'd let it go.

You both need to grow up and stop playing control games.

Will he care for and live his child whilst on holiday?

If the answer is yes then pack in the drama.

If the answer is no then why are you allowing any contact at all.

How has he managed to get the passport?

I did ask his permission to go to Spain - he was moody and passive aggressive but he never actually said I you can't them her. We were still together and married at the time.

I have another long running thread called 'for telling him i want a divorce' and he is a controlling man who my other Child refuses to see.

He picked her up on my day after I have said no on text the day before. I said no as it was first day back at school and he was taking her 3.5 hours away to watch an event and then 3.5 hours back.

He now seems to think he can say he didn't agree to Spain so he can do what he wants now.

He hid them from me just before I left the family home.

What's the legal situation? Is there a court order in place regarding custody?

If not then focus your energy on getting that in the works ASAP.

Is he a good dad or do you have concerns?

If he is a good dad then I would tell him “ a heads up would have been nice like you gave him but it sounds like a great idea and the kids will love it”.

Don’t let him think he’s got one over on you.

If you do have concerns then that’s a different story.

Please don’t. It all sound toxic tit for tat on both sides!

both of you find something else to fight over. Did you have travel insurance when you went to Spain?

I get it OP. In not giving you a clear answer about your trip to Spain (have I understood that correctly?) He essentially cornered you into only having 2 options- go and be told you didn’t have permission, or stay and be told you could have gone. Neither appealing. and obv this created a load of unnecessary stress and can now be held over you. Not answering questions is a means of control, him not giving a clear response at the time is unacceptable game playing with your child.

It is unacceptable that he’s taken your child out of the country without asking you, firstly legally and secondly it’s inflammatory and is going to make you feel very anxious.
it is also extremely concerning that he thinks he can collect your child during your schedule time without your agreement

If I have understood you correctly It’s extremely unfair of people telling you you are playing games, there’s no way to coparent peacefully with someone who pulls this shit

it sounds as though you think your child will be safe and will be returned back to the UK, so I would get something in writing to him that you didn’t agree to either trip and you want to have a good coparenting relationship so next time let’s talk about it.

I would then get some legal advice, there is a free directory of family court barristers who do direct access work, and you can often speak to them quickly to discuss what your options are. I wouldn’t be going to court over this, but it does seem to be escalating so you want to make sure you’ve documented it properly at the very least.

Don’t let him drag you into conflict. Stay calm. Give yourself a hug, it’s fucking horrible but it will pass

Yes, take action.
He's using your child as a pawn in a game.

Your child being shipped to another city when you've come to collect her on your day is no better. If she's injured/seriously unwell/homesick/is looking forward to spending time with you it can be extremely distressing trying to find ways of getting to her quickly. Your poor little girl must wonder where she's going to be next when she sees her dad!

Now she's abroad. You do not know where about, who she's interacting with and he keeps lying. He told you one thing initially and then said she's in Spain. He's being deceitful which could cause you to become anxious each time she's with him, not knowing where she might end up... which could possibly be part of the reason he's doing it.

You can't relax, he's in control.
Also, he's using the "well you did it first" to imply you're just as bad as each other at last minute decisions to travel abroad. Unless this is realistic, it would suggest he's trying to make his games seem normalised.