Do take action on him taking child abroad without my consent...

[User8901736gdhen]

Was told at 3pm today Ex was taking DD to a seaside resort for the weekend. Fine, its his weekend he can do what he wants.
Got a text 45 mins later he will be taking him to a European country until Sunday. He was due to be on the train 7pm.

I have messaged back to say I haven't had any time to consider this and that I haven't agreed it.

He has messaged back to say I took them on holiday to Spain 2 years ago and he hadn't approved to that.
I did post about that here at the time as he was so mardy about it, but never actually said he didn't approve to it. It was for a family birthday.

For context he is controlling and has recently picked DD up from school on my day after I had said no and taken her to another city.

Not sure what I should do - he has gone and is currently travelling.

The funny thing is I have sent him an email asking his permission for a holiday in 10 months time which he hasn't agreed to!!!

I don't think that you should react. You need to sort out proper arrangements including holidays. By the sounds of it you'll need her passport, or you won't be going anywhere. It's usual for the parent who the child resides with has the passport. He can't block the family holiday in 2025. But likewise nether can you if he plans one as well.

If he’s a controlling arsehole then this kind of scenario will appeal to his agenda of always having the upper hand.
Controlling people won’t change.
If you look up taking a child abroad on the gov website it lists permission. I don’t know how many people get stopped for a letter. That would be marvellous for many people is your situation, particularly if you haven’t been told where they are staying just for emergency purposes.

Why didn’t you report the passports stolen?

I don’t think there’s much point in objecting now unless you think she’s in danger. The lower key your response, the less satisfaction you will give him.

The old MN double standard.

So you would have said no?

Based on what reason?

when DD is back, why not report her passport as stolen & get a replacement?

of course he could play the same game - when does it expire?

If you're genuinely concerned about her safety then that's another issue.

Otherwise, despite how unfair this all feels I think you should be as positive as possible about it to him. She might in fact have a great time. If he's controlling he will want a reaction. This can all get terribly toxic. It sounds like you may have zero choice but to co parent with this person and not reacting strongly is the best tool you have. You're also showing how very reasonable you are in writing should things ever go further.

Look up the ' yellow rock method ' of communication. It's for dealing with narcissistic people. I think it's generally a good technique for difficult people in general.

I wouldn't keep asking for permission ref your holiday. It all sounds really petty and unnecessary. I'd just say ' Hey, hope you're well. I've planned a holiday on xyz for xyz and I. If there's anything you want to discuss just let me know '.

“Not sure what I should do - he has gone and is currently travelling.”

Not a lot really you can do tbh, he should of told you before the day his plans so you could get your head around the child leaving the country but he is her dad and you’ve said it’s during his time.

You do have a few options.

1. you can put the child on a no fly list, if the concern is he won't return them
2. go to court and have your holiday approved, if he won't give you the child's passport Is he still going to return her at the correct day/ time even with not being where he said he would? Can you go to court and have a set parenting plan, since you seem to be in a high conflict situation, and which will not be good for the child long term