AIBU to think my best friend has turned into someone I don't like

[irishchick93]

Some info for context.
Best friends from school 20+ years. Friends in a group aswell as separately.
Grown up together. School uni etc even worked together a while. Both with significant partners and 3 children each. Kids are friends. Same school etc. Same stage of life basically.

However, I just think she has gotten so argumentative. I'm pretty easy going but even this is starting to annoy me.
If I said "Aw thats so nice your mum is babysitting the kids will have a great day" she'll reply with. "Well who did you think was babysitting" or another example is we were out for the night and had a few drinks and someone said to her oh what time you going home at? I answered and said we've a cab booked for 1am. I know technically I answered but we were all sitting together. She would snap saying "can you butt out" this is all the last few months and I can really see her picking up her partners argumentative traits. Not traits I've seen in my friend for the past 20 years!

Other in the group have also noticed, and have stopped bothering much with her. I don't get into the gossip about it because I'm obviously loyal to my best friend.

I don't know how to deal with this?!

A friendship of over 20 years I'd want to give the person a chance instead of dumping them. I would take them out 1-1, explain that the attitude, the comments etc are hurtful, and you wanted to ask if anything is up, do they need some support, because you've noticed a massive change and they don't seem happy. This doesn't seem to be something, from your posts, you've even considered doing, which is a bit sad.

I had this 25 years ago with an old but not super close friend.
She married a sarcastic prick and took his habit of being very sharp after a couple of years.
It went on a while until she said something very sarcastic about my mothering.
I told her don't you dare be so fxxking rude to me and hung up.
I had zero interest in being around her again and when she asked to meet up for lunch I told her I really had no interest.
Life is too short.
She is still married but doesn't take an ounce of guff from him.
We run into each other every few years and it is nice and very friendly but I have zero time nor space for sarcastic people in my life.

OP, step away. She is behaving like a nasty bitch to you.
Give her lots of space and if she asks why, tell her it is because she is sharp and rude.
Depending on her answer decide how you want to move forward.

I have great very old friendships, but it takes more than history to keep old relationships going.
Lots of people have hard difficult lives without taking it out on those around us.
I would do anything for my friends but I am no ones emotional punching bag.
Sometimes people change and not for the better.

When there is only history left, it can feel right to move on, without drama.

Has she always been at least a little like this or is this a complete turn around?
It does sound to me like bullying. I would step away from her.

Surely you've been friends long enough to have a conversation with her about this? Why not say 'You've been really snappy and irritable lately, is everything ok?' and see what she says. It's better to bring it out in the open than to feel like you're walking on eggshells around her and watching what you say. If she gets angry and has a go at you, you can distance yourself from her but at least you'll have confronted it head on.

This calls for a passive aggressive “you ok hun?" and a raised eyebrow every time. Repeat and repeat if she doesn't get the hint.

Just ask “Why the snark?” Every single time. She will either tell you what her underlying issue is or stop doing it?

You don’t have to ask aggressively but if you don’t address it you’ll continue to be unhappy about it and that’s not how friendships should be.