Anxiety asking for money back from friends

[Lilaccprincess]

I absolutely hate borrowing friends money and having to ask them back. Anyone else? I don’t know why I get anxiety over it.

I paid for tickets to a day trip coming up for the 5 of us. I was a bit hesitant as I am living pay cheque to pay cheque at the moment, haven’t long come back from maternity leave. Friends all said they’d pay me back that evening.

It has been a week since I booked and paid for tickets and so far only had one payment through.

Tickets are £27.99 so I’m down almost £85 which is a lot of money to me right now.

I have made hints in the group chat, they’ve even spoken about upgrades and I said I can’t afford it but not one has said “Oh yeah I owe you £27.99 let me send that”

They are all lovely woman, I can’t imagine being CF. They all know my money situation though, and not that it matters all earn a lot more than I do and have a lot of savings.

Is a week long enough? Should I give them another week before messaging them?

I don’t want to sound like the badgering friend texting them to pay up.

You've learnt - never book til you have the cash.

Message them and say 'Hi, I need the money by end of the day today or I'll be paying bank charges, please message when you have transferred'

message again two hours later to those who haven't paid

and repeat

Stop making hints in the group chat. Say it clearly: ‘Charlotte, Emily and Anne - you each owe me £27.99. Here are my bank details. Thanks!’
It needn’t be embarrassing; if anything, they’re the ones who should be embarrassed for not paying you back quickly.

Don't be anxious. Don't feel bad about badgering. Don't be embarrassed. Don't justify why you need the money. Speak to them as if they respect you. Treat them as you'd expect to be treated.

"Hey friends. A friendly reminder about the ticket money. Please send to bank account number xxxx, sort code xxxx. Thanks."

Send a message on the group chat now, saying something like-:

Hi everyone-hope all is well. Thanks to X for transferring the money over. My bank details are here if anyone else needing them again.

40-47-34
1234567

Many thanks!
x

It's a hard lesson to learn, but the only answer to this is never to book until you have all the money

And sorry, but they're not my idea of "lovely" if they know your situation and are still prepared to hang you out to dry; flappy hands and "Ooooo I'm terrible aren't I?" only go so far and they don't pay the bills

Dont know why people are suggesting these softly softly messages - they wont work.

Be blunt - not rude - just say "gentle reminder, a few of you still owe my money for the tickets - could you sort this out today please " -

No best not to say ‘a friendly reminder’. It never sounds friendly, just passive aggressive.

Just be matter of fact ‘X, Y, Z could you please transfer me £27.99 for the tickets? Thanks’

Thank you everyone. Really appreciate the messages. I need a kick up the bum!

And follow up every two days, often enough that they can’t relax and forget about it but not hounding.

just ask! And next time don’t offer to book anything first.

Yeah don't pussy foot around in these situations. To them £27.99 might be pocket money so they are not realising the impact its having. Just drop a message in the group and say sorry to ask guys but could anyone who has not paid send payment as I have something I need to pay for.

Where has anyone suggested a ‘softly softly’ message? We’re all saying the same thing - to tell the friends directly that they need to pay it back!

They don’t sound very ‘lovely” to me!

I would be blunt ‘just checked my bank balance and I haven’t received money from X & Y. Please can you transfer today?’

Ask clearly and state that you really need the money paid.

Do NOT do this again.
You cannot afford to and you have boundary issues.

Do not bring unnecessary stress to your life.

Hi, Can I get the money for the tickets or them back to sell them on?

Oh I’ve just checked my bank and realised I’ve not had payment off a few of you, please can you transfer it as soon as you can or I’ll be living off beans for the foreseeable!

I would say @Shinyandnew1 s example was a more of a hint and agree that the others directly saying "please pay me the money today" are better.

(Not to criticise that poster, it's a hint most reasonable people should clearly pick up on but given op has already tried hints they now need to ge more direct).

I agree it's almost definitely not intentional - to lots of people £27 isn't an amount batting an eye about, they aren't realising that 4 x that adds up to a lot more! When me and my friends book tickets we usually put it on credit cards so none of us ask or expect the money straight away so perhaps they often work like that - the difference in this case is they told OP they would pay it back straightaway and haven't. They are being thoughtless but I'm sure they 100% intend to pay it back so the message suggested here threatening to sell the tickets on if they don't get paid back immediately would probably not go down well.

You lend money to people ...
... you borrow money from people.

Oops my bad I can see my mistake in the OP!

Glad it made you feel better commenting though 😊

If you don't feel comfortable asking for it back then don't put yourself in a position where you have or accept you aren't getting it back

Begin by saying thanka Liz for transferring tickets money. Charlotte, Jane and Samantha could you please transfer yours. 😃
When next one pays say Thanks Jane. Just received yours in my bank. 😃

Saying thanks for money received reminds others you are not being pushy about time frame as others have already paid.
No need to add you are broke;/in overdraft ext. You are entitled to this money no need to explain yourself

If a couple more come in and you are still short of one or two you can add that info. Last ones then know others have paid up which puts a bit of (fair) pressure on. Don't be too shy about it. Was generous of you (although unwise when don't have much yourself) to pay upfront for the whole group. Lesson learnt. Hope you get your money soon op. 💐

Yep - in the group chat, thank the person who paid by name then add a factual ‘Friend A, B & C - you owe x’ state a date - ‘can you transfer it today, please?’. As payments come in, confirm receipt for them in the chat. That helps nudge the others.

No ‘polite reminder’ or apology because that’s what makes it seem like it’s embarrassing / awkward to ask. The more matter of fact and instructive, the better. In future, ask people to transfer first and then you’ll book. I find people who let other people book tickets for them and then need to be chased and chased for payment really bloody rude.

“Hi, just to remind everyone that it’s £27.99 per ticket for X. Would appreciate everyone transferring money to ACCOUNT sort code. Thank you! 😀”

Where has anyone suggested a ‘softly softly’ message?

They're all over the place, @FourEyesGood, with suggestions such as "Sorry to ask but ..."

Personally I'd be tempted to say I was struggling really badly because of the shortfall - and if they ignore even that at least OP would know exactly the type she's dealing with

Always one