Anxiety asking for money back from friends

[Lilaccprincess]

I absolutely hate borrowing friends money and having to ask them back. Anyone else? I don’t know why I get anxiety over it.

I paid for tickets to a day trip coming up for the 5 of us. I was a bit hesitant as I am living pay cheque to pay cheque at the moment, haven’t long come back from maternity leave. Friends all said they’d pay me back that evening.

It has been a week since I booked and paid for tickets and so far only had one payment through.

Tickets are £27.99 so I’m down almost £85 which is a lot of money to me right now.

I have made hints in the group chat, they’ve even spoken about upgrades and I said I can’t afford it but not one has said “Oh yeah I owe you £27.99 let me send that”

They are all lovely woman, I can’t imagine being CF. They all know my money situation though, and not that it matters all earn a lot more than I do and have a lot of savings.

Is a week long enough? Should I give them another week before messaging them?

I don’t want to sound like the badgering friend texting them to pay up.

Why have you suggested and paid for this if you can't really afford it? Someone else could have paid, and you could have just sent them the money

Why on earth did you pay for the tickets when you're struggling financially?

You've got a child now, stop being a doormat. It'll fair you well as your child gets older and people ask you for childcare, or your child asks for just one more ice cream!

And just put your details in the group chat that you need the money today please else you're going to have to ask for a refund as you need that money for the weekend.

AND THEN DON'T OFFER AGAIN!

I was the only one at home, others at work and the tickets were almost sold out so I booked them

Friends don't take the piss

So you need to say can everyone pay me back for the tickets please, here's my PayPal/bank account number.

And in future get the money up front and if that means losing out then so be it. Tell them that you can't afford to pay up front for everyone then have to wait ages for the money back.

This.

Just don't say 'I'll book' let someone else do that. Or take it in turns. If you do want to for some reason say and text 'if you want a ticket please send £xx to xx-xx-xx account 9999999 by and give them a date.

And then don't buy anything until you have the money. One more follow up , 24hrs notice for anyone else who wants to join you.

Think of it as being absolutely sure they want to join you.

I honestly cba making plans with people who do not pay immediately I ask them. We have a group where everyone pays and puts the receipt in the WhatsApp group. Life is too short for these games.

OP did you do it? Did you send the message to ask them?
I suggest dont overthink it, you have some really good replies here - be direct and ask today.l and follow up again tomorrow. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about- they should be embarrassed.
Sometimes in fact, some people actually say “thank you” for reminding me as they may have genuinely forgotten.
It has been already a week, if you leave it for too long, they will all ‘conveniently forget’ and then it will become old news.

best of luck

Hi everyone, hope you’re all well. My bank details are xxx xxx for the tickets, which were £xx each, many thanks 😀

Are you from the northeast? If so, that’s how it’s said there so you’re not wrong! It’s a colloquialism.

PP are correct, the friends owe you money so you need to be direct.

Thanks A for your payment.

B,C,D can you transfer your £27.99
Bank details again are ...

As a comparison I bought tickets for friends this morning and they all owe me £40. Three paid within an hour of my message and the other let me know she'll pay tomorrow.

If you really can't afford to pay in advance it's better to collect the money beforehand because then everyone is committed and you have the cash available.

Have they paid now @Lilaccprincess also , in your message don't say 'sorry'

We need many more than one to uphold standards.

OP, I'm on a large enough salary to thankfully not live pay-cheque to pay-cheque but I'm tired/stressed out enough to easily forget things. I'd absolutely not think less of you for reminding me to pay you back. In fact I'd be mortified to realise I'd let a left financially stable friend hanging and worried. Also, while £28 is not a huge deal to me, having £85 out swimming between several friends would also take up some headspace for me and I'd expect my friends to realise this.

In short, don't feel bad to ask for your money back rather directly (i.e. could you please send the money over as soon as possible as I'm a little short this month, thank you).

I’m from the north east and in my bit we never say that! The north east’s a big place though.

Don’t apologise, just message in the group chat “can you transfer me the money for the tickets as agreed” and don’t buy anything for anyone or lend anyone money again.

I'd say "thanks Jane, for sending the money so promptly, please can everyone else send it today?" No explanations, just ask them to do what they said they'd do

Then in future, I'd have them send the cash before booking the tickets.

I organise lots of group things. In one group, peole always pay up promptly, so I'm happy to book first, but for most I collect funds first.

Yeah you need a direct approach, no softly softly hints. Loads of great suggestions for diplomatic but direct language on here. That’s a lot of money to be out of pocket.

No more dropping hints - on any issue in your life! I could be just like you. A lifetime of people pleasing, dropping hints. No more. Even your bffs will walk all over you. People can be absolute CFs.

I feel so embarrassed when I owe people money. Some people have no scruples or shame and don't care how this impacts you.

Don't drop hints anymore OP. It's my new rule for life. I learnt the hard way in every area of my life on that one.

Re the borrow/loan thing....Ive seen the terms mixed up a few times on this forum....genuinely confused as to how though as it sounds so wrong the other way round.

So many seem to have anxiety for absolutely everything now. The smallest thing turns to a problem impossible to solve.

STOP with the fucking hints and tell them clearly! Jesus, it is not hard. We all have to put on our big girl pants at times and do things that are uncomfortable. You say - hi guys, I really need you all the transfer the money for the tickets by end of the week. Thanks.

No best not to say ‘a friendly reminder’. It never sounds friendly, just passive aggressive.
Same goes for 'Gently...', 'Kindly...' etc.

I'd just say, 'Hi Anne, Charlotte and Emily, Can you each send me the £27.99 today please via bank transfer to [sortcode] [account]. Thanks, Lilac'

Do not add 'Sorry', 'Gentle reminder' etc.

Glad it made you feel better commenting though 😊
It made the post harder to understand, which is probably why the pp mentioned it.

It’s very much a regional & class thing.

Where I grew up to borrow someone something (“could you borrow me that book”) was very much a working class phrase but where I live now it is commonplace for people from this area.

I find it annoying as I think it sounds wrong but I think it just reflects different regional speech patterns and doesn’t imply anything else about the person using the phrase.

edit to add - I am not saying you are implying anything about OP but I have seen others on this forum make disparaging remarks about people using the phrase.

Oh who cares about that. OP wants her money today. £84 is a lot of money.

Stop letting them think its a small and therefore insignificant sum..

'Hey guys, I am still almost £84 out of pocket here, can B, C and D send payment today please... to :paymentdetails '.

Be clear, be up front and yes, you can let them know you're a bit annoyed about this, no need for 'sorry' and 'gentle reminder'...

If it were MY friends I would be able to say 'oi, you lot... cough up!' but I don't have friends that are easily offended, just friends who are quite scatty!

If I owe someone money for any type of ticket or event or a tradesman for a job I will pay it as soon as they send bank details. I have a colleague who always buys my Chinese at work as he carries cash and I never do but transfer money while in the queue. In the modern world of mobile phones there is absolutely NO excuse not to transfer money on the day it is requested bar some kind of family emergency, Its rude and disrespectful not to.