To want to travel on my own to meet with friends and not have to involve my dh

[Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername]

I belong to a group that started in lockdown. It's a book club. We are online but a group of us communicating on WhatsApp aswell now. Next year some of us are going to meet up at a book/fiction related event. We are going to stay in a hotel and make a weekend of it. I am so excited. I have never in the 25 years we have been married done anything like this just me without my husband. And certainly not since our kids have been born. Aged between 16 and 20. My dh has been like great we can travel up together and I'll take ds2 (who'll be 17 then) and we'll do this and that and we can meet in the evening and do stuff in the evening and the next day. He doesn't seem to understand that its a weekendaway forme without him. When I've told him that he said but the tickets are only for a day it'll be over in the afternoon and then we can do stuff together. Am I being unreasonable to want to make a weekend of it if everyone else is? He doesn't seem to understand why I'd want to at all

Tell him you're going out to dinner with your friends too. (Even if this isn't true!)

It is true i think. We bought the tickets today and we're all going to arrange to stay in a location hotel. I've never done anything like this before

I think you've done your duty not having any alone time for 20 years!

Just tell him no, you have book club based plans during the evening and the next day and you don't want him mithering you. And even if you don't you still don't want him mithering you.

Absolutely not unreasonable! He's being ridiculous.
Just say "Not this time dear. Book club only trip"
Offer to go somewhere else some other time euth him and the ( almost adult) kids.

Stand firm and tell him this is a weekend for you and not a family trip.

You should keep doing it too, building a life that doesn't just revolve around your husband and kids.

Not everything has to be done as a couple/family.

I have has plenty of alone time and time with friends in the last 20 years just never gone away without family. Ever. In the last 25 years

And be sure to make a new habit of arranging nights/ weekends away without him. He is free to do the same. It will be good for both of you.

Agree with all the others. Stand firm. You deserve time on your own to fo this.

Yes I think that's it. It doesn't involve him or my kids. He keeps thinking of things he could do whilst in at the event in the daytime until I'm free to meet up

But why on earth haven’t you gone away with friends or solo in 25 years?

Oh GOD I can't bear clingy partners. Just tell him it's a book club only trip. I've no doubt he will give you the spaniel eyes. Ask him cheerfully what he's going to do while you're away.

I will admit I missed dp so much while away for a weekend this year that I contemplated going home early. But a) I didn't and b) we've only been together 4 years.

"Stop gegging in on my trip, Bryan."

Oh my god, absolutely stand firm on this. It’s ok to want this for yourself!

No no no don't give in to him. You will not be free when you know in the back of your mind all the time that he is waiting for you to finish.
What if it goes on longer than you thought because everyone is chatting and having a good time? You'll feel guilty if you stay a bit or resentful that you have to leave because of him.

Just tell him that it is a book club weekend away with no partners. Are there other men going? Is that what he is worried about? or is it women only?

You say that you are going to make a weekend of it, so that includes the whole weekend.

He does need to suck it up. If he wants to go away for a weekend with you he can arrange something else, or take DS away somewhere else on his own that same weekend

I just haven't. Everything has always revolved around my family. I'm not brave enough to travel solo I'm nervous enough about this when I'll travel to the place solo by train. Even though it's a direct train route

Stay firm OP. It will be a shock to him if you’ve never done this in 25 years but now is the time

I reconnected with an old friend 2 years ago. We have had a week end away and a train ride away shopping trip. Apart from having ds never been apart from dh in 13 years.. Was bloody fab going away!! Don't be guilted op. Everyone deserves a break.

I can understand his pov, that it could be odd for you to do it (change of behaviour) after so many years. But maybe better late than never, in relationships I've (and my partner) done our own trips, can't stand couples that must do everything together or no independence.

Also he knows I'm an anxious person and menopausal so he thinks he's being supportive by offering to come with me but he's not

You need to be much more direct about this, tell him you'll be busy all weekend and he's not invited

I have never in the 25 years we have been married done anything like this just me without my husband.

Why? How on earth have you survived? I would feel terribly suffocated. And god help my husband if he ever told me he needs to tag along.

Practice makes perfect, the more you go away the less anxious you'll be.

Have a great time, and don't let him wind you up about 'what if's...'

I have spent days and or evenings with friends just never been away

Definitely go by yourself! But, what are the chances he and DS will just turn up? I'd maybe consider telling him there has been a change of venue for your meet up....in a dodgy town altogether!