To want to travel on my own to meet with friends and not have to involve my dh

[Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername]

I belong to a group that started in lockdown. It's a book club. We are online but a group of us communicating on WhatsApp aswell now. Next year some of us are going to meet up at a book/fiction related event. We are going to stay in a hotel and make a weekend of it. I am so excited. I have never in the 25 years we have been married done anything like this just me without my husband. And certainly not since our kids have been born. Aged between 16 and 20. My dh has been like great we can travel up together and I'll take ds2 (who'll be 17 then) and we'll do this and that and we can meet in the evening and do stuff in the evening and the next day. He doesn't seem to understand that its a weekendaway forme without him. When I've told him that he said but the tickets are only for a day it'll be over in the afternoon and then we can do stuff together. Am I being unreasonable to want to make a weekend of it if everyone else is? He doesn't seem to understand why I'd want to at all

Explain to him that it’s a girls weekend away and that he should plan a boys weekend with ds2 in another city.

I hope that he’s not doing this to be controlling and that he assumed wrongly that you might want the company because you’re anxious about going away

I think that this is a sign that you should do more stuff like this. It’s good for you and your h to go away with friends and for ds2 to do it when the opportunity arises too.

Tell him you don't want him to come. That you want a weekend away. That hes not listening to you and ask him why he isn't listening to what you want.

And suggest he books himself a weekend away at some point too.

XH could be a bit like this. I described it as ‘learned dependence’. He told me I couldn’t do these things on my own and I started to believe him. Prior to us meeting, I’d been all over the country and abroad to see friends!
I think you need to phrase it as ‘I know you’ll think I want you to
come with me to support me, but actually like is something I need to do on my own’. Suggest something else for him and DS to do together.
My first big adventure after my separation was a trip to a friend’s wedding. 4 hour train journey, up north to a big city. It was scary but exhilarating! Gave me the confidence to do more. I think you need to do this alone.

Just say that you appreciate his thoughtfulness in coming with you, but it’s about time you were brave and did something by yourself.

If it will help I’ll tell what I tell my DH when he wants to tag along on business trips with me when I go to nice places.

“Hunny, you married an imperfect woman. I would love to say that I would be happy for you to golf during the day while I’m working, but I’d be lying. It would piss me off knowing you were having fun. So no you can’t join me”

Seriously just be blunt, don’t hint. “I love the both of you but you’re not welcome on my trip. Feel free to plan something else or plan something for the 3 of us on a different weekend. This is mine and it’s important to me”

ETA; Most importantly, have fun!

Nah @Lentilweaver @thicklysettled , there's plenty of us, we should start a secret society for Wives Who Want To Be Alone Sometimes. We can share practical tips on how to engineer alone time, e.g., folding clothes in the basement with your Airpods in, that’s one of my favorites.

So you'll be spending time with your book club after the days' events and not available for him at all. I think you need to make that clear

Stand your ground. Just tell him the truth. You want a break away with your friends. He can take son somewhere else !!!! Cheeky fucker

I am a bad wife. I go away on my own out of the country too. That gives me even more time alone.

@Lentilweaver Me too, the AirPods example was just one that I use several times a week. 🤣

I’d just say you appreciate him being considerate and offering to accompany you but all the ladies are making a whole weekend of it so you’ll be busy the whole time. He can take your DC away on his own somewhere else if he wants but I’d be firm you want to do this alone

Tell him it’s a girls’ weekend away, nobody else is taking partners/partners not allowed, you won’t be free in the evening because you’re going out for dinner with the others.

This is why I never want to live with a partner or get married.
I get actual anxiety over just the thought of not being able to do things independently.

Stand firm on this one OP.
It sounds like a great opportunity for you and think you’ll have a great time.

Tell him thanks for the offer but you want to spend the time with your new friends and not him or the kids.
If he keeps pestering you then tell him firmly no.

I hope you have a great time, I’m sure you will 💐
Please update the thread to let us know how you get on 😁

Oh heck, always important to have your time travelling to see friends on your own. Some couples seem to do everything together, nothing separately and I find that a bit strange. Even with younger DC I would bugger off for a weekend on my own and so would DH. Much needed! Xx

Why is he so desperate to join you? Maybe this could be a refreshing start to both doing your own thing now and again? No one else seems to be taking OHs so make that clear. Xx

THIS and enjoy your much deserved time away

Just tell him "it's a girls' weekend, no men are invited, no other partners coming. Now that's an end to the conversation."

Me too! I live in the US and abandoned my husband and three kids for 10 days so I could have a blissful trip back to Blighty!