Maintenance

[askmenothing]

ExH has DD 6-8 nights a month usually. Is having her more over summer.

He pays less maintenance than he should according to CMS calculator, also claims child benefit and UC for DD. I am a higher rate tax payer so have been ok (not especially happy) with this.

He has asked if he can not pay maintainance this month as he wants to take DD away for a night at a castle. They got back from a week abroad a couple of weeks ago.

He believes that as I earn more than him, he should be able to keep the maintenance and spend it on a night away.

AIBU to say no? That's not the deal with maintenance and I had already budgeted to spend it replacing uniform. I have said this and am being called selfish and unreasonable and other random names. Am doubting myself.

DD said it to me. I had a conversation with her following that about how we both love her and are responsible for looking after her and that includes paying for things. She understood. But it's not nice.

You could flip it around "yes Daddy does because he loves you very much, and even though he doesn't live with us all the time he gives money to help look after you because you are here more than with him. It's a great thing for him to do to look after you even when he isn't with you."

If you go through CMS then you can say that the amount is fair. If she is older then she may have watched tv programmes where the idea of deadbeat parent is mentioned and you’ll be able to say that her dad pays CMS so isn’t a deadbeat.
If she’s aware of stuff like benefits then you could say that daddy gets child benefit from the government to help with costs like that so she knows that you aren’t taking 99% of his money or something that she might imagine.

If you can afford it, then why not? Is it going to be something that your child will benefit from?

Also, only the resident parent can claim child benefit and cms.
If you claim cms you will have to declare that you both colluded to defraud by allowing the non residential parent to claim child benefit.

Explain to your daughter how maintenance works and why.
When she's older I promise she'll realise he's the deadbeat saying things like that. I did.

Go through CMS.

Report him for benefit fraud.

Claim child benefit. Even if it means you're paying a portion back.

He's a terrible father.

He should be using the child benefit for uniform!

Your first step is to inform child benefit you are the resident parent … He will have I think 12 weeks to respond , dispute claim ..

that is your first step in getting control ..

then go to the cms .

to go through cms you pay £20 to open the case.. they will look at his income through HMRC if he agrees to private payment, no charge but if he doesn’t pay you can report . They will also check his income yearly

Thats a form of alienation surely?

Claiming child benefit and UC when he isn't the resident parent is fraud.

Be very careful as he could claim you are somehow complicit in this fraud. You need to report him asap to cover your back.

@askmenothing Go via CMS.
Claim the CB and pay part of it back, or just don't claim it.
You know about the fraud and are enabling it.
What does he pay you?
Does he work?
Just think he's getting £80 odd every 4 weeks CB + whatever UC are topping him up?

It's not fraud. Either parent can claim CB

Yes he does work. He does pay me about 2/3 what the calculator suggests he should. Although I don't know his exact income

It is fraud to claim UC if she doesn't live with him. Aso the resident parent is eligible for child benefit.

Income thresholds for CB were increased this year - 60k starting taper, up to 80k for full withdrawal. So it's possible to be a higher rate tax payer and still eligible for all/some CB.

That's interesting. I don't earn £60k

The threshold has just gone up hasn't it?

Get the child benefit back. She lives with you the majority of the time so he shouldn't be claiming it. The fact he's also getting UC because of it, then disputing maintenance. No.

You could both get into trouble.

Claim CB yourself. I think the cap is now £80k? (But you will not get the full amount after 60k).
Who banks the UC and CB at the moment? Him? Or you? It's fraud either way....but if he is not paying you what CMS say AND is also banking the benefits, you're definitely not being unreasonable

He does.

I sought legal advice and they agreed that legally neither of us was doing anything wrong by him claiming CB. I don't know about UC. I have never had anything to do with it.

I was under the impression I would not receive most of the CB so it didn't seem a big deal for him to get it. Especially if I basically received it back in maintainance.

I am not especially unhappy with the situation, he gives me a small contribution which I spend on DD. I was doubting whether I was wrong to not let him keep this months payment.

I have a lot to think about in terms of CMS and the other stuff, I don't want to be a mug but equally I would prefer to keep it amicable.

He shouldn’t be claiming uc for your daughter as she’s not living with him full time and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for child benefit. So let me get this straight he only has her barely a week out of the month and claims full benefits for her living at his home full time. Did you know he shouldn’t be doing this ?

As above. Family law solicitor advised it is fine for either parent to claim CB. I have no idea about UC, I have never claimed it or been involved.

@askmenothing the rate for your child is £287.92 if she was born after 2017 before that it’s over £300 a month. He’s committing fraud. You need to report him because he has cheek pocketing this each month and not paying you proper amount in maintenance.

Adding insult to injury, he’s not even spending it on DD, as he’s blaming you for not having the money to do anything nice with her AND underpaying maintenance AND asking to skip a month.

It would be interesting to ask him how much he is paid each month in CB and UC on the basis of being a FT parent, and how much of that is spent on DD or paid to you.

He’s fleecing his own daughter, her mother and taxpayers. And still complaining!

@MeridianB i agree with all this that you have said, he’s using his own daughter to gain money off her.
It is 100% fraud to claim for her as he would have had to have lied to uc to say she lives with him. I think you need to confront this OP, claim back the cb in your own name and report him for his fraudulent behaviour. He’s in the wrong here not you.

Whilst either parent can claim CB I very much doubt this is the case with UC, as that money is for the day to day cost of raising a child, which he doesn’t have. Yes child benefit cap was increased at the last budget so if earning under 60k you would get to keep all of it. He’s taking the p, I’d remind him he gets the CB and UC so has plenty of opportunity to save to go on holiday. If he’s getting his income topped up and doesn’t have many child costs he’s taking you for a mug.