Not really sure what I’m asking or how to say this, but to get straight to the point, my partner and I occasionally have had anal sex throughout our relationship, it’s always been consensual. I am aware many women don’t like it or find it degrading but it’s something that, if I am very in the mood, I do enjoy - but only when I am very much in the mood for it and am ‘warmed up’ if that makes sense. I should also add that I have IBD, so it’s not a very regular occurrence and doesn’t always last very long.
But I’m concerned about my partner’s ‘interest’ in it.
Over the last couple of months, he has attempted to initiate it quite a lot, especially more than usual. He has always had quite a love for my bum, it’s all he wants to touch during sex and even when we start rather than spending a lot of time kissing etc, he will turn me around in the spooning position and place his penis in that area and kiss my back instead. And when we do have sex, it’s always when I’m on my front or ‘doggy style’ (hate that term).
He has done this a lot recently, and I have told him we aren’t doing it. He always says ok and respects that and we do it the ’normal way’ but it hasn’t stopped him from initiating the next time and the next.
Last night we did it for the first time in a while, we hadn’t had sex for a week because he has been unwell, and so I was sexually frustrated. But it was different, he turned me onto my front and put fingers in there quite roughly and ended up putting three in - sounds very odd but I didn’t realise until he said ‘that’s three’ and I stopped it because it started to hurt. We then had anal sex which probably lasted about 2-3 minutes before he finished. It was rough but again it was consensual sex and if I had said stop he would have stopped it. So it is on me.
Today I have the worst stomach with lower abdominal and lower back pain, it actually hurts to go to the toilet.
It’s not just that though. I’m concerned about his what seems like almost something he prefers over regular sex, and to try to initiate it almost every time is concerning me.
I have asked him whether it’s something he prefers and he said no because it ‘hurts’ sometimes. I’ve also asked if he might be bi/gay and he said absolutely not. He doesn’t watch porn (this is something I’m absolutely certain of) but I know he did before we were together.
I just don’t know whether it’s something I should be concerned about/if there’s something going on but alongside being concerned it makes me feel like he’s not attracted to any other part of my body and can feel quite disconnecting when it’s all done from behind.
Please no judgment, this is something that is really sensitive but I didn’t know where else to ask and don’t want to be judged irl. I know many people don’t like it also.