Close friend forgets my Birthday

[Chitterchatter48]

I have a close friend, who for the last 2 years has forgotten my Birthday. We've always got each other a little something on our Birthdays over the years, a token gift and card. My Bday is coming up again in a few days. I spoke to her the other day and she didn't mention anything, which makes me think she's forgotten again. I always go out of my way to do nice things on her Birthday, nothing expensive or fancy, but always thoughtful and things I think she would like.
I'm not expecting a gift or being grabby, but a card or just a text wishing me a nice day would be nice 💁‍♀️
I know I'll be hurt on my Birthday if she's forgotten again. She tends to remember only when seeing people wish me a happy birthday on social media.
It makes me sad, because we are great friends.
I see she remembers other friends Birthdays on social media, having meals out etc.
Am I right to feel a bit sad she forgets mine or am I being silly?

It's just part of adult life. I had a friend whose birthday was about 2 weeks before mine. I'd always get her something. She never even acknowledged mine. I stopped bothering.

Just remind her. I say to people ‘it’s my birthday next week’. My own memory isn’t great so I don’t hold it against people and I don’t sit and wait for them to forget.

I hate hurting peoples feelings but I’m also not great at remembering stuff. Undiagnosed adhd probably. But brains work differently and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about her feelings for you.

One of my closest friends forgot my birthday for the last two years. I wasn’t especially upset but it was awkward when she remembered later. This year I will mention it in advance- something along the lines of, ‘DH and I are doing x for my birthday’.

When it's her next birthday, you can ' forget' no card, no gift and if she complains tell her she did not remember your last 2 or 3.

There maybe other issues that your friend could be dealing with right now and remember, the cost of living is much higher now.

I think you either need to remind her in the run up, or stop making a fuss on her birthdays and just accept they’re not a feature of your friendship.

I have to confess I am hopeless at remembering birthdays so I have sympathy with your friend. I also don’t ever expect friends to remember or mark my birthday! If your friend expects presents and a fuss but doesn’t reciprocate, she’s unreasonable. But if she isn’t fussed either way, you can just let things slide on your part too.

Don't do anything for hers and just say "oh I thought we'd stopped doing anything for birthdays" if she says anything. She probably won't though

Match her energy if you're not feeling equally appreciated.
Could she not view the friendship as close as you do?
How long have you been friends?

Don't remember hers next time.

DH genuinely forgets birthdays and asks to be reminded.

I’m shit at birthdays, I just struggle to remember them. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends or family though. I am just very shit and with a very rubbish memory.

Some people are shit at birthdays 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you have a bad memory then set reminders on your phone. It's not difficult

You mean they are thoughtless and can’t be bothered! Write it on a calendar, put it on your phone, ask Alexa to remind you. No excuse!

The only friends whose birthdays I remember, and who I loosely expect to remember mine, have the same birthday as me. Two of them. Only of whom I do cards and gifts with, and the gifts are totally token.

It is not a signifier of how good a friendship is to me or my friends. It's just not talked about other than the weirdness of having birthdays on the sane day.

She probably is hoping for this but feels awkward saying it and does actually want the idea of getting gifts to die out.

For the past few years I've been terrible at remembering birthdays but the current chaos of all the life admin/appointments etc etc that comes along with the season of life were in means that sometimes I forget things like birthdays. Even if it's on the calendar I might still forget after seeing it coming up on there. Perhaps your friend is also in a particularly busy/stressful season at the moment? I can't really empathise fully as I personally couldn't care less about my own birthday so perhaps that affects the way I deal with other adults on theirs but if it is important to you then I could see how it might be a bit hurtful. Perhaps you could lead the conversation by bringing up the fact it's your birthdays soon and you'd like to do something nice with her, see where that leads.

Invite her out to celebrate! Invite some others too. She remembers others because she's going out for a meal which she was invited to!

I had a good friend who would forget my birthday. We spent lots of time together so I was a little upset as it happened a few times. Wouldn't have minded so much but she'd have soon said something if I'd forgotten hers.

I thought the same

Meh I hate the catching people out. What’s wrong with saying, ‘it’s my birthday in a couple of days’?
I’m a thoughtful forgetful. Some years I remember, some I don’t. It doesn’t actually mean anything except remembering dates isn’t something I’m great at or is low priority.
With most of my friends, if you arrange a meet up then people will give token gifts, but not if you don’t.

Give her a diary and put your birthday in it.

If it's written down you can't forget.

If she was a good friend she'd learn when it was.

The best friends I have in life, I dont have a clue when their birthdays are. I could possibly gauge a month if I really thought hard. Once a year on a random date we do something nicer than normal, a fancy restaurant or a concert and that's our group birthday treat.

I have another friend and I know his birthday as we've been friends since we were born and his birthday is the day after mine. We've been playing the ohhh I forgot your card/present text for about 15 years now. (We used to be roommates and gift each other a bottle of alcohol....before that our mums probably sorted the presents)

It's not nice that she forgot if it's something you do usually celebrate, but I would guarantee she hasn't done it out of malice. It's the summer holidays, life gets crazy

She still loves you the same even if she forgot to write it on a card

Unless the reminder goes off just as I’m standing near the card rack in Tescos it’s not always that helpful.

I think you need to assess how important this really is in perspective to your overall friendship. Is your friend remembering other people's birthday , or being invited out (therefore being reminded?)

I'm not on Facebook or Instagram so very few people remember my birthday. Only those in my very close vacinity. That's OK, I don't need things or gestures. It doesn't change my day at all.

If she's a great friend, just stop making the effort for their birthday if you prefer it to be reciprocal, and get on with having an excellent friend. For me, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. Everyone is different though.

I don’t think you should assume that people are as invested in birthdays as you are op! Personally I love them because my family always made a big deal of them. But my best friend’s family didn’t and therefore she never bothers. I would never hold it against her.

Another scenario: I don’t know your age op but me and my friends are late fifties, turning sixty, and we can’t really be bothered with things like this anymore as we have had a lifetime of facilitating birthdays for others. We don’t host at our homes any more either except for family’s. It’s bliss. We go out and meet each other in cafes and restaurants and keep our interactions as hassle free as possible and just enjoy each others company without having to remember special dates or buy cards or presents or whatever.