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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed at not receiving thanks for a gift

33 replies

Pintsizedblondie197 · 08/08/2024 11:38

It was my friend's birthday recently and I sent her a small gift through the post. I got a notification to say it had been delivered last Saturday. I knew through social media she had had a busy weekend so I wasn't surprised I hadn't heard from her to acknowledge the gift.

It gets to Tuesday evening and still no message so I popped her a WhatsApp to ask if she's received it OK and it's not been read yet...

AIBU to feel miffed she hasn't thanked me for it or said she got it OK? I know everyone's lives are busy but it doesn't take two minutes to reply. My birthday was recent to hers and I didn't receive a gift at all.

OP posts:
FredericC · 08/08/2024 11:39

YANBU. That's so rude. Takes two seconds to say a thank you. Wouldn't bother with gifts again for someone like this.

Pinkypinkyplonk · 08/08/2024 11:41

I agree, it doesn’t matter how busy. A thank you takes a second.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 08/08/2024 11:41

It's rude. I will always send a message to say thanks if something gets delivered.

Edingril · 08/08/2024 11:41

Next time I speak to someone again and they mention it is enough for me, but if they don't I am not sure I would remember really

C1N1C · 08/08/2024 11:43

Did you send it personally, or did you buy it through (say) Etsy and they sent it?

Was there a note/address to say it was from you?

TemuSpecialBuy · 08/08/2024 11:44

Yanbu

its just not that hard

I bought my friend a DIAMOND NECKLACE and 2 weeks on she hadn’t thanked me.

we were supposed to meet and on the day she messaged to say she thanked another friend called Temu 🙄 by accident

Pinkypinkyplonk · 08/08/2024 11:44

“ I’ve just received a parcel from you, thank you sooo much!”

10 seconds, quicker than finding the scissors needed to unwrap it.
I think the problem is, that if you don’t do it immediately, it gets left……

Original poster
Pintsizedblondie197 · 08/08/2024 11:46

C1N1C · 08/08/2024 11:43

Did you send it personally, or did you buy it through (say) Etsy and they sent it?

Was there a note/address to say it was from you?

Yes I popped a note in via the seller so she knew it was from me.

OP posts:
macaroniandcheeze · 08/08/2024 11:47

Did the gift definitely say it was from you? I’ve had to awkwardly ask around before when I’ve received a gift with no “from”.

Couldn’t hurt to drop a text saying hope you had a lovely birthday and my gift arrived on time

caringcarer · 08/08/2024 11:51

Some people have no manners and it's worrying be because then they don't teach their DC any manners. I was in a cafe a few weeks ago and a DC run by about 8 I'd say and knocked over my coffee cup with her arm from the table neither the DC nor the mother even said sorry. A waitress noticed and brought me another coffee but I thought how rude they were.

mnahmnah · 08/08/2024 11:53

There’s a chance it wasn’t delivered to her. A few weeks ago I was told my parcel had been delivered. It hadn’t. I found it two days later, ten houses away!

Lavenderblossoms · 08/08/2024 11:57

That is very rude.

If she doesn't have form for this, I'd assume she might have forgotten by mistake.

As a week has gone by, I'd send her a message saying just checking my gift arrived safely to you. Just say it's tracked but wanted to make sure you'd got it.

I had this once. I sent a friend a lovely gift (it contained nice things she was really into at the time) and I got no word of thanks or even acknowledgement that it arrived. Unfortunately it was the start of me feeling resentment of her behaviour and my eyes starting to open as to how she treated me. We are no longer friends now. Not because of the present lol, just her behaviour wasn't something I wanted in a friend so I called it quits.

RickiRaccoon · 08/08/2024 12:00

It is a bit rude. I notice but don't think too much about a one-off. My brother and SIL didn't say anything for 2 or 3 years worth of birthdays so I stopped sending. I send to other family members but not them because I do assume they didn't want the presents.

Homesweethome23 · 08/08/2024 12:00

You said the message had been delivered but not read yet, could she have broken her phone while celebrating the weekend and unable to see message? Or does she usually take a while to reply?

Shibr · 08/08/2024 12:00

Are you sure she has received it? Once my husband took a parcel in and left it in the house and forgot to tell me. Was weeks before I opened it! I have also received a package, put it somewhere and forgot about!

I sent a parcel to a friend for her birthday and it was delivered to a neighbour and she had not idea for weeks until the neighbour dropped it over (no note left).

I wouldn’t be too hasty unless you know she has definitely opened it?

Rosemarysprinkle · 08/08/2024 12:03

I wouldn’t jump straight to conclusions.

Perhaps she hasn’t opened it yet, perhaps it wasn’t delivered to her address, perhaps the Etsy seller didn’t include the note with your name on.

Wait until she messages you back and see what she says.

If she has opened and not thanked then that’s rude, but imo jumping to conclusions just causes anxiety when you might not have anything to worry about

maplemaplesyrup · 08/08/2024 12:07

She might not know it’s from you! It’s not unusual for parcels to arrive without gift messages even if you specified one.

AnneButNotHathaway · 09/08/2024 10:13

YANBU and this is rude. It's just plain good manners to say thank you even for a smartshow 3d birthday video, let alone the gift you friend spent their time choosing. However, don't give it much thought, OP, you know you did the right thing and your friend is making her own choices.

Original poster
Pintsizedblondie197 · 09/08/2024 14:06

Still not read my message or heard anything back nearly a week on...

OP posts:
Rosemarysprinkle · 09/08/2024 14:11

Pintsizedblondie197 · 09/08/2024 14:06

Still not read my message or heard anything back nearly a week on...

Call her. Say you’re worried she hasn’t received it and would need to put a claim with Etsy if she hasn’t.

Kitkat1523 · 09/08/2024 14:16

Just don’t bother again……sounds like a non friend….that said I don’t do gifts for any friends regular birthdays …..none of us do….gets too expensive ….and out of hand ….maybe she doesn’t want to continue ? But she should say…and thank you for this particular gift

DelurkingAJ · 09/08/2024 14:17

Any chance she’s popped a thank you card in the post? I do this (because I like getting letters so assume everyone does unless otherwise told!) and goodness knows Royal Mail can take its sweet time on occasion.

hattie43 · 09/08/2024 16:19

I have a friend like this , it's so rude .

Queenofheart · 13/08/2024 07:33

I’ve been to 2 weddings and a 70th in the last few weeks and put a substantial amount in each of the cards and not one of them has said thank you, really pisses me off!

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 13/08/2024 07:41

YANBU at all, I hate the fact that the manners to thank someone for a gift seem to be disappearing. But I have come to the conclusion that this is just how some people are. I will always acknowledge a gift with a thanks, and where possible with written thanks, but I also accept that this seems to no longer be "the norm". My SiL is terrible for this, I sent her a package in the post for her birthday of a few things I knew she would love, and never heard a word. I messaged her to wish her happy birthday and "I hope my parcel got there safely" and she did finally reply to say it had, but still with no particular thanks for the contents. It is the same every year. But aside from this, she is a lovely SiL so although it irks me, I let this particular character flaw slide in view of her many other lovely traits.

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