To feel annoyed at not receiving thanks for a gift

[Pintsizedblondie197]

It was my friend's birthday recently and I sent her a small gift through the post. I got a notification to say it had been delivered last Saturday. I knew through social media she had had a busy weekend so I wasn't surprised I hadn't heard from her to acknowledge the gift.

It gets to Tuesday evening and still no message so I popped her a WhatsApp to ask if she's received it OK and it's not been read yet...

AIBU to feel miffed she hasn't thanked me for it or said she got it OK? I know everyone's lives are busy but it doesn't take two minutes to reply. My birthday was recent to hers and I didn't receive a gift at all.

Sounds like she's annoyed with you because she didn't get a gift from you... so she thinks! You need to contact her and actually mention the gift "hope you liked the present!" and if she has no idea what you mean then she will find it with a neighbour or something!

Depends on friend.
I have a friend who is a terribly slow responder online but IRL she's amazing.

Why did you send her a present if she didn't send you one? Sometimes you can make people feel uncomfortable but level jumping a friendship.

I think she is trying to move away from buying each other presents. If your birthday was before hers and she didn't give you anything then she wasn't expecting or wanting you to get her anything either. She is probably uncomfortable now that she realises that you didn't get the memo. She should still thank you of course but a lot of people don't have the mental capacity or financial means to buy birthday presents for all their friends.

She said she hadn't had time but something would turn up in the post at some point and it would be from her. I felt it was petty to not get her something just because I hadn't when she had said that. I'd be perfectly happy to stop presents personally.

This 'friend' seems completely uninvested in your friendship. Not reading your message, not bothering with a gift for you. I wouldn't invest anymore of your time personally or just match her energy going forward. Relationships like this just drain your self esteem. We're taught that you don't give to receive but a lack of reciprocation indicates a big imbalance in the friendship. You're giving, she's taking. Not good.

OP you deserve better

And all the mental gymnastics about 'hinting' that you're not doing presents anymore. Just say it! Doesn't make it any less rude or hurtful to the mug who 'didn't get the memo' and keeps sending presents. 🤔

I'd send a message asking if she got the parcel from you first - I've sent a gift to my beat friend who didn't realise it was from me, who'd seen a quite flat parcel and thought it was COVID tests, popped it under some letters on a table and forgot about it for a couple of weeks then was really apologetic! It happens. It's also possible she's got something unexpected going on if she didn't reply.