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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say get a life, it’s a song and she can sing it you bore?

34 replies

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:10

DD (4) goes to a swimming lesson with paid helper taking her there and meeting me after 40 minutes to take over. I pay for this.

It’s because my disabled DC has a session near that time and I can’t be in two places at once.

Anyway, my DD doesn’t use functional language and struggled quite a bit with communication. But she is a gestalt language processor and sings a lot of things because she likes the feel of it or it sounds interesting

She keeps singing ‘We’re Lelli Kelly, the curse shoes. Oh yeah! We’re Lelli Kelly, we are so cute. Oh yeah!’

Her helper keeps on telling her to stop it now when she hears her. I let it go but pulled her up on it when DD was handed over and her helper said to me ‘she really needs to stop singing that’

i said why? She said because it’s awful, so ridiculously silly and makes girls look like sparkly obsessed crazies

I was taken aback and so I said there’s really nothing that bad about it, it’s a little girl’s shoe advert.

She said ‘No. And she keeps repeating the line ‘They are so cool oh yeah, you can’t play with us!’

I said so? That’s in the advert. She just sort of rolled her eyes and left it there

I am going to have to make alternative arrangements but does anyone really have an object to the song? It’s a cute little advert for little girls. It is completely inoffensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 07/08/2024 23:13

It's from an advert, it's pretty innocuous especially when it's out of context. It's disappointing that the helper cannot understand that this repetitive singing is part of how your DD uses language and that trying to get her to stop may be counterproductive.

WaitingForMojo · 07/08/2024 23:16

Tbh, I do think she should be more understanding about your DD’s communication needs but your attitude has lost me. It’s not a nice song and repeating ‘you can’t play with us’ is… unfortunate. It’s not something I’d want my dd copying, but equally the instructor should realise that your DD’s language needs need to be understood and that telling her to stop it isn’t appropriate.

Autel · 07/08/2024 23:16

It’s natural that your DD sings it. It’s also natural for someone to get irritated by a repeated ad song. You, however, sound incredibly angry, in both your title and the way you report your own dealings with the helper. Why not just explain civilly?

WaitingForMojo · 07/08/2024 23:19

My dd says the lyrics are actually ‘you CAN play with us’ anyway!!

MonsteraMama · 07/08/2024 23:21

It's a deeply annoying song to be fair.

The helper should be more understanding of your child's communication needs, but maybe just genuinely reached the end of her rope hearing that line over and over again.

However, how you speak about the helper is wild to me. You think she must've been a pain in school and disliked because she's annoyed by an annoying song? Did you hurt yourself reaching so hard for that conclusion?

DrFoxtrot · 07/08/2024 23:21

I haven't heard this for about 15 years! It was irritating but I don't recall 'you can't play with us'. Maybe the song has become more mean?!

Startrekkeruniverse · 07/08/2024 23:25

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

What a bizarre and rather unkind interpretation. More likely she just reached the end of her patience after hearing the same song 52 times tbh.

Whenthesilenceisntquiet · 07/08/2024 23:27

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

I don’t think your young daughter is unreasonable for singing a song, even if it gets a bit repetitive and annoying.

I think your attitude to your helper is appalling.

By the way, being liked at school does not make one a good person.

Cherrysherbet · 07/08/2024 23:28

It seems to be you CAN play with us….

We're Lelli Kelly the cutest shoes, oh yeah!
We're Lelli Kelly, we are so cool, oh yeah!
We're Lelli Kelly the cutest shoes, oh yeah!
You can play with us, we are so cool, oh yeah!
Oh yeah!

Original poster
TipsyPoet · 08/08/2024 09:08

Any language is good language from DD because it’s repetition and repeating phrases and words from situations in the world

I would never stop her, really. Beyond asking her to be a bit quieter, if it was really too much.

She cannot communicate very well at all and this encourages her speaking skills

It seems the helper was easily triggered by this which in itself is no good. So I’ve moved on from her and will find someone else

She text me this morning to say sorry, but it’s just not very nice words. Which says it all, really

OP posts:
NowImNotDoingIt · 08/08/2024 09:27

Have you heard your DD sing the song? Because the lyrics are "You CAN play with us" . So is your DD singing it wrong (no issues with that) OR is she deliberately mishearing /misrepresenting it?

itsgettingweird · 08/08/2024 09:33

My ds had a language delay so I get the singing and wanting them to use language and letting go loud singing at times.

However I would also have put a stop to him singing something like "you can't play with us" because it's unkind and not the sort of language I'd want him to be using. Mostly because it would ultimately be isolating for him and counter productive.

The same way I'd have tried to change what he was saying if he was swearing - sometimes no words are better than any.

But you are her mum and have the choice of carer. But have you really thought through how you will handle it if kids stop wanting to play with dd because she's singing about girls not being allowed to play with her?

mytuppennyworth · 08/08/2024 09:38

They are deeply unpleasant shoes the PREVENT little girls playing as freely as little boys, so the helper is right to object to them. And you sound like you don't like the helper, so yes, employ someone else, and free her from this job that is clearly not a good place for her to be

fitzwilliamdarcy · 08/08/2024 09:39

Your lack of respect for the helper is obvious and I'd suggest that you find someone else to look after your child.

loudbatperson · 08/08/2024 09:48

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

I would have been with you about letting her sing the song, but your comments here about probably being a victim of bullying and no one liking her.

That's a horribly cruel comment to make.

MonsteraMama · 08/08/2024 09:53

Thank you for letting that poor woman go so she can go and find an employer who isn't a judgemental cow.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 08/08/2024 10:01

You should definitely help your dd to listen carefully and hear that the lyrics are you CAN play with us.

You should definitely employ a different helper who has a better understanding of and tolerance for neurodiversity.

DoreenonTill8 · 08/08/2024 10:02

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

Well any empathy for you (not your daughter!) is gone.

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2024 10:06

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

This is very uncharitable.

It's clear you don't like her very much.

Perhaps you'd be better cutting ties for her sake as much as anything else.

Choochoo21 · 08/08/2024 10:25

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

This is a very unkind thing to say to someone who was helping you and your DD out.

The song is fine and it’s common for ND kids to repeat phrases or songs.
But it’s also common for people to get annoyed over it.

A quiet word with the helper would have been better than being so rude about her on MN.

Its definitely good that you don’t use her anymore.

RantyMcRanterton · 08/08/2024 10:30

Well you think the helper is a bore, so a parting of the ways is for the best.

purpleme12 · 08/08/2024 10:32

You just needed to look up the lyrics to find it is you CAN play with us

She's just misheard

JMSA · 08/08/2024 10:32

The babysitter is probably embarrassed and annoyed by it in equal measure.
That's just the reality of the situation unfortunately.

ImNotThereAmI · 08/08/2024 10:34

TipsyPoet · 07/08/2024 23:13

Sorry! Awful typos in that entire post. I am tired

Honestly though, she screams of someone who is still upset or something at being bullied. She is ‘triggered’ by ‘you can’t play with us’

I bet she was a right pain at school and not liked very much.

Nice attitude op 🤔

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