Why so many husband problems?

[Curiousto]

I've just spent the morning with my friend listening, again, about to all her husband issues.

She's one of 4 friends who have ongoing problems. All 4 would rather tolerate the low level annoyances, deceit, laziness, lies and rudeness than say "I'm done". All 4 have moaned about their men for years.

I turn on MN and 4 of the 5 trending threads are about 'D' Hs

Why on earth do wives put up with so much crap from husbands? And why do we as a society breed this in both men and women?

My personal stance on this is that I couldn't be happier 5 years on from my 20yr marriage ending. I was done with his crap. Those 4 friends "wish they could be like me and get rid" They all see how much happier I am now but still themselves put up with being sad and cross 90% of the time.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I actually suspect your friends are doing something different op, which is moaning because it actually isn’t all that bad. As you noted, when things really are hell, you tend not to touch on it much. I have the odd moan about DH but it’s because I’m secure enough that the relationship works that I don’t feel letting off a bit of steam is betraying some bigger issue. If it were a bigger issue, I’d be more inclined to either have a serious heart to heart with the friend acknowledging that or say nothing. But I think the offhand whinging is more a sign of a relationship with lots of life left in it tbh. I wouldn’t worry about them .

I’m honestly astonished by what so many women are putting up with. There is a lot of horrifying behaviour just being tolerated. Makes me very grateful for my own lovely husband.

I will never understand the women who say they stay for financial reasons and that they couldn’t possibly survive alone.

yes you’d have to downgrade where you live, how you spend etc but you would be free and happy. That is priceless.

When I split from my H so many women confided that they wish they had the guts to do it, but there was always a reason; financial (obviously), staying for the children, felt that things weren’t bad enough, and so they’ve all stayed.

Most women I know put up with crappy behaviour from their husbands and adjust their own behaviour to compensate for it, particularly when small children are involved. It’s so obvious to see, yet many cannot recognise it at all. Women are so conditioned to do it that they’re blind to it.

I will never understand the women who say they stay for financial reasons and that they couldn’t possibly survive alone.

yes you’d have to downgrade where you live, how you spend etc but you would be free and happy. That is priceless.

Because being a single mother and having to support yourself can be next to impossible, especially if your earning potential is limited, or you have children with SN. Lots of people I know are still having to live with their ex partners because the rising cost of living means they literally can’t afford to separate.

If you have money it’s simpler. If you have none it might as well be climbing Everest.

@PurelyOrnamental I take it you're happy in your marriage?

It’s not really just downgrading your life though, it’s your kids as well. It’s not just as simple as being ‘free’.

@loropianalover My kids live some of the time with my ex-husband. They're in a house worth over 1 mil complete with swimming pool; basically they share a wing downstairs.
Meanwhile, myself and my now husband live in a 3-bed privately rented. We both work but in not brilliantly paid jobs (I'm in education, hubby is in social care). We just about make ends meet but live a very basic lifestyle with very few luxuries.
Leaving my ex-husband was absolutely the best thing I ever did! My life is amazing now and my sons get to see what a "real man" looks like ❤️