To find it very rude when people discount my children because their own have grown up and they're "beyond all that"?

[PrettyCandles]

I'm not expecting everybody to find my LOs fascinating and wonderful, I know people aren't necessarily interested in other peoples' children, but to complete brush aside my major occupation seems to me to be disrespectful. It's as if a retired person dismissed a working person because they were "beyond all that", or a working person dismissed a university student because they were "beyond all that".

This is my job. Don't be rude about my work!

What do you mean, pc? How old are your children and what sort of things are people saying to you?

What do you mean by 'discount my children'?

Listening to people go on about their jobs can be pretty dull, whatever the job.

Madonna is right, you know

it's not because they don't like your children but (I suspect) because you expect them to be interested in them. And there's no reason why they should be, to be honest.

I don't expect my work friends to be interested in dd (except for the odd snippet), I don't expect my mum-friends to be interested in my work politics, or my choir friends to be fascinated by what happened at yoga.

YABU - most people's children are of little interest to me tbh, except my friends and family of course...I wouldn't ignore them or snub them or think they don't matter,of course not, but I can't feign interest in their minutest doings because it's very dull if they aren't your own !

This is what particularly got my goat today:

We're going to a family get-together, I'm bringing the only children (7, 5, 18m), and I called the hostess to confirm arrangment.

"We're not at all set up for children here." Fair enough, that's why I'm calling.

"We're putting you in an annexe with your own kitchen, so that you can feed the children whenever they need" OK, reasonable, though I had to ask about other meals, were we all going to eat as a family? I was already getting the feeling that she didn't want the LOs at the extended family table.

"But the children must not get anything on the carpets" - repeated several times.

"You have to take complete responsiblity for the children" er, yes, I'm their mum.

So I say I'll bring a playpen to use in the main house. She doesn't like the sound of this, and I explain that the baby is very hard work and a playpen will keep her things safe. So she repeats that we have to keep an eye on him, yes, that's why I want to bring a playpen. But no, madam doesn't want a playpen in her perfect pristine house (I'm startig to fume, typing this ).

And then she launches into the all-this-is-behind-me-I'm-not-interested routine.

Oh, and she doesn't want to cook every meal (fair enough) so she wants to go to a very nice local restaurant - that does not accomodate children.

that's a bit different from people generally not being fascinated by your children...I can see both sides really..though it is very rude to be so restrictive , why ask you if they are so picky ?

Oh dear, not exactly making you feel welcome, is she?

She's what is generally known as 'a cow' prettycandles . And I suspect that she always was even when her children were small?

Bit of both in what you type. She does sound very unwelcoming re carpet comments etc, but if it is a family get together presumably there will be lots of people there and might not be room for the playpen. Also SIBU re the restaurant obviously.

she sounds awful

go for one night then leave?

TBH I was gobsmacked, becaus eshe has never been like this before.

Don't go.
What is it that people have against children? Especially family!

Blimey. I'd be very uncomfortable in her house. Even without children if I'm honest. I'd be terrifed of the carpets for a start...

I have to go. We're not a very big family, and quite widespread now, so don't see all that much of each other any more. Besides, it's Passover.

tell her you cant be arsed.
sounds WAY too much hassle being there with 3 small dc.
youll be starssing about the feckin carpet non-stop for one thing (yawn)

buggerit. there'll be other occasions.

x post

ah, well in that case, take em, and sod the carpets

and take whatever equpiment will ake life bearable for YOU.
take the playpen if you need it. she'll be as glad as you that you have it if it keeps the baby out of her precious things (no doubt all breakable and stored at knee height.)

I definitely will be taking the playpen!!

She's really not that bad. That was an edited transcript of the conversation - just the bits that wound me up. There was lots more that was welcoming. Just not for the LOs indoors!

i hope the occasion goes well, you have a nice time with rellies and that lots of them help out (in a useful way, not in that 'oh ill hold him' then give him back 3 seconds later coz hes frowned slightly or something, way)

About the earlier responses, before I explained. I still think that IANBU about discounting my LOs in other ways. I wouldn't yammer on and on about my LOs unless the other person was interested, any more than I would about my hobbies, or my (previous) career. But when you meet someone one of the first questions is often "What do you do?" How would you feel if the response to your answer was "I'm not interested in that"?

Thanks MUBERB.

I know what you mean and think YANBU - I spent years, before I even had my own dc, helping at my niece and nephew's birthday parties, but when I ask my sister to my dc's parties now she always declines saying she's past all that!?

I wouldn't want to go to my niece's party full of other noisy, over excited brats children !! my SIL would quite understand

but surely she neeeeeds one of yours to look adorable and ask the questions at the Seder?
can you work some emotional blackmail?

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