To think people have the wrong idea about the reason parents use private schools?

[ewloan]

I have found this from threads and in real life, whenever private school comes up there’s this attitude that it’s about ‘buying results’ or ‘if your child is academic they will do well anywhere.’

Do people not realise that most people who send their kids to private school actually don’t need to be thinking about exam results as the main factor? These are people who often own businesses and have huge family wealth so their child’s exam results are not the be all and end all. The main reason people use private schools is for the entirely different experience for the child, for them to enjoy school and learning in small classes with lots of amenities and focus on their development. Why do people seem to think the main reason is to ‘buy an exam result’?

Admittedly haven't read entire friend..

I think some parents paying out for private schools are in cuckoo land. I was bullied at the two private schools I attended. Private schools still have bullies..... The old boys network everyone talks about, I've never really witnessed. The one person I know who had access to boys network, it was via Uncle (was the MD of the bank he went to work for), the door was opened by a family member not a school friend.

@Uglyandgrumpy I wish you hadn't said bitter and jealous. It undermines us a PS parents who are trying to explain why we're doing this. Had you said, "a thread for those of us who use PS and are familiar with the variety of them, the reality of them and are not basing our opinions on anecdata, sweeping generalisations and misunderstandings of what a typical PS is like" I would agree with you. The minute you say everyone who is against PS you lose the argument and give fuel to the idea that we are sneering at the "other side".

Sorry, I can't edit now either. Just a moment of frustration.

Of course private schools have bullies. All of them. Any that say otherwise are lying and I don't know any who do. What they DO generally do though, is deal with it effectively and permanently. And as this thread has demonstrated the only people who believe in the OB network are non PS parents who think it's still a thing. It may be in a very small handful of elite schools that cost 2/3 times what an ordinary one does but not in the vast majority. I don't think many people part with tens of thousands of pounds out of ignorance.

My son went to private school for two years because his state primary fell apart, went into special measures and had been letting him down for years.

He then went back into state secondary.

What I liked about private school:

• Small class sizes
• Excellent sports facilities and coaches
• Excellent drama facilities and regular school plays
• High quality visits, in school events days and trips
• Wrap around childcare included in the price and of high quality
• Well organised school with good email comms with parents
• Away from the struggling cash strapped state system
• Teachers paid more and less stressed than in state schools

It wasn't about exam results as this was primary school.

If I could have afforded to carry on through secondary I would, for the reasons above plus exam results.

It is an unfair system though, that some parents can afford this for their kids and others can't. But that applies to all areas of life. I can't afford a two million pound house, or a horse, or an exotic holiday. I can't afford private healthcare. I can't afford to not work full time. We live in an unfair society, which sucks.

It would be good if all schools had small class sizes and excellent quality education. And it'd be wonderful if there were no deprived areas in the UK so all schools were operating within the context of all children growing up with equally nurturing and supportive family backgrounds, and children who enjoy studying were not bullied for it. I didn't choose private to pull my child away from any socio economic groups as I'm fortunate to live in a middle class area with excellent state schools. But like a PP I was bullied for wanting to study when I was at school which deeply affected my grades and career prospects so I understand why some parents consider this important.

The energy people put into complaining about private schools would be better spent campaigning on taxing the super wealthy and large companies, so the tax can be used to improve state education and the lives and prospects of families living in areas of deprivation.

And to a PP who said something about private school parents thinking their children are more deserving or special or important than others - nobody is thinking in those terms. All parents want the best for their children, and are focused on their own children, not other people's.

If you post something on MN you can’t choose who does and doesn’t respond. Perhaps one of the education forums would be better than AIBU.

I don’t think I agree based on my personal experience. I went to private school purely for exam results, because the state schools were not great in my area. My family could afford it but in hindsight, disagree with the concept of it and found the fellow parents insufferable social climbers who wanted the “prestige” attached to it. I too can afford private school but will never send my children to it — fortunately the state schools in my area are very good and I don’t believe in setting my children up to think they’re in any way superior based on their parents’ bank accounts.

Interesting and considerate post above that - as a private school parent - rings true.

As someone who works in the field of fiscal policy I disagree with:

The energy people put into complaining about private schools would be better spent campaigning on taxing the super wealthy and large companies, so the tax can be used to improve state education and the lives and prospects of families living in areas of deprivation.

large companies are not doing anything illegal and it is not in the gift of one country’s government to change the way the taxation of multinationals works. You’ll be glad to hear the OECD is making progress here. The super wealthy won’t fund better schools either. What’s needed is a material rise to the basic rate of income tax that all income tax payers pay. This would bring in the money needed for the changes needed.

parents need to start emailing councillors AND MPs every time an ECHP takes ages and needs to be appealed, or when a secondary class has a non-subject specific supply teacher, or when persistent bullying goes unaddressed etc etc. Demand better. Be a thorn in their side. Get your MP behind you in a quest for better state education (and funding) for all. Let’s start expecting better.

Your personal experience is fine and valid, but that is anecdata and does not mean anything in relation to the many of us who do not send them private for better grades. Presumably you've used your wealth to buy a house in the catchment of your "very good state schools" in the hope your children will do well. Not sure I see any moral difference there. And as to your last sentence...again, you've made a huge assumption that after 11 pages, I've lost the will to argue against again.

Completely agree!

I also work in fiscal policy too and can see this. Technically speaking the tax burden on the moderately well off has risen so much but fallen for those on lower incomes.

The only true way to improve things like schools is a basic rate rise but this would be politically unpopular.

I send my children to private school because they both have SN and would absolutely not cope in larger classes, and absolutely benefit from the amount of pastoral care,1:1 time and the excellent communication between parents and teachers.

I can barely,only just,afford it as a single parent on one income. Nothing to do with exam results or mixing with the 'wrong backgrounds'.