To think sometimes you just have to make the best of it?

[anywhichone]

Little weekend alway for dh , kids and I. Dh is generally reluctant as he never sees point in doing stuff like this. Both kids under five.

First day generally nice few squabbles but ok. Second day youngest is not on good form has a few meltdowns. I'm of the mind frame deal with it and move on. Dh can't let go of stuff. He ends up in a fairly mardy mood. Have a takeaway that night he's feeling slightly better. Third day I wanted to go beach again as kids love it dh moans and insists we go to a forest, eldest cuts hand and after that is moaning constantly. Dh is instantly in a foul mood for rest of day, not engaging barely talking. Dh wants to go out for a nice tea. We go spend £££ on a nice meal but dh barely makes conversation. After kids are in bed I tell him I'm sick of having to manage his moods and kids. He has a go saying he works hard and needs holidays to be a rest not more stress. Dh suggests he just goes by himself on holiday from now on. Last day dh doesn't want to go anywhere, suggests we stop off at a park on way back. I say we might as well just leave. Home by lunch and I take kids out by my self in afternoon.

I spend a lot of time on my own with kids and look forward to family time but if dh gets in a mood it's just awful.

Surely it's normal for some squabbles /meltdowns in under fours.? I can't see why we can't just laugh it off and move on. I find it impossible to stay upbeat when he's getting more and more miserable

You are absolutely right. My dh was like this and I left in the end. My life is so much less stressful.

Yes, normal for kids to have squabbles and whinges (depending on ages). Not good if your dh deals with it like another child.

He sounds like a lot of hard work. At that age you've got to plan for the worst and take joy at the best. Keep holidays simple, and support each other.

Does he even like being part of a family?

I am not adverse to couples taking separate breaks away, but is he suggesting never coming on holiday with his family then? Is he equally comfortable to stay home while you take an individual rest holiday too?

I think he enjoys abroad more as he likes the pool, beer and sun.

He hates doing local trips as he doesn't see what's in it for him

My dh can be like this too op and itnisnwirse than having another child. Good on you for speaking up - tell him hencan habe family free holidays but you will also need them too so it'a fair.

That last sentence was quite mind blowingly selfish. Does he not get that it’s not just about him? You and the kids also matter. And there’s something in it for you and them.

Actually ask him that and see what he says.

Are you drunk? 😆

You're right though too, my husband can be like this and it is EXHAUSTING! recently he said no more theme parks please for a while and I said what would you like to do instead then? His reply- NOTHING. I said that's not an option with 2 little kids! If we stay at home and do nothing it's suddenly my job to entertain and his job to sit about so I insist on taking them out and make him get involved. So annoying at times!

It is a tricky age, but you do have to just get on with it. He would wind me up more than the kids kicking off to be honest.

I think that's the issue because I work part time I'm doing kids stuff all the time he thinks it's ok for that to be left for me. He will come out on a weekend but a lot of time it's mood dependent as to whether we enjoy it.

If he's sulking he just brings the mood down so yes it's easier to go alone but then I think why should I always parent alone??

It does at least they have an excuse. He says I have no understanding of the stress he faces at work (engineering) and I get it's stressful but most people manage a job and kids. He won't get help for his mental health either.

And yes to the sit about at home!!!! He only entertains them if I literally leave the house. He never takes them out solo either unless I'm not about

He says it's normal to expect some rest and relaxation when away. I said hes unrealistic when kids are young

It really annoys me this sort of thing. When you're going away, you have to choose somewhere the kids would enjoy. The amount of times my DH suggests somewhere which has literally nothing for our 4 year old to do. He hates Center Parcs but doesn't seem to understand that we don't go there for him, we go there for our daughter !

I mean with both kids under 5, in my experience you’ve got a minimum 5 more years of hard work holidays I’m afraid. Kids bicker and moan and mood swing. It’s just a part of growing up and maturing emotionally. I’m yet to find a family holiday that we all enjoy 😆 they are all for the kids at that age.

I guess it depends. With me it depends on whether there’s more good or bad in the relationship to understand if it’s worth investing time and energy into ‘helping’ him (not that it’s your job to do that). I’m thinking about short term pain for long term gain.

The thing that stood out to me was when you got back, it was you that took the kids out in the afternoon and him that got down time at home. Why doesn’t he step up to take the kids out and you get some time off? Can’t you force that angle a bit? Make him do more of the solo parenting? I find the more time off I get the easier it is to deal with the difficult moments.

What an utter sulky cunt. You need to pull together when the kids are young not become the problem

My husband acts in a similar way. When we're abroad he's either on his phone or looking for his next pint. He brings the mood down. So I'm taking DD away by myself at the end of the school hols...we'll have a much better time...

I know some will say that it's not the answer but if you work well together in daily life but hols aren't enjoyable then why not. I do only have one school age child though so not sure it would work with 2 under 5s.

I’m sorry you’re married to a miserable fun sponge. I had one of those once.

Tell him that nobody’s work should be so stressful that it prevents them from participating in family life, so if he’s not coping you’ll support him to seek help/change. But make it clear that an inability
to manage work stress is a problem that needs solving - not a free pass to withdraw.

I would agree to solo trips for him, but make sure you do the same - solo parenting more will make him a better partner when he appreciates what you have to do!

Me and my DP have an “up to one week a year solo trip each” rule while DC is little. It’s great!

I think this part would make me want to leave him. Would he explore counselling or couples counselling? If he's not willing to do or change anything to help himself or help the relationship then it would be a BYE from me.

Love this!

I would go absolutely nuclear on him after the kids are in bed & draw your line in the sand. Tell him no more.

I just couldn't cope with the sulky behaviour. Yes it's OK to be fed up when kids are playing up & yes holidays with little kids are not always that much fun but he just needs to get the heck over it quickly.

He hates doing local trips as he doesn't see what's in it for him

I kind of agree with him

No suggestions really, but he doesn't sound very mature. Parenting small children is relentless and hard work, with very little downtime, but you have to suck it up as it's no longer all about you. I couldn't have coped if DH had been like this.

Yeah this would drive me nuts.
My husband definitely has moments like this, I agree with pp that adults not managing their emotions is so much more annoying than the kids!
I basically told my husband he was no fun if he couldn't make the best of things and not let minor inconvenience ruin his mood. He claims he needs to 'feel his feelings' and once he's had his strop then he'll be over it, which to be fair usually happens and my sister is also like this so maybe its a personality thing but I only allow him a v.short amount of time to snap out of it because otherwise it really can ruin a day out.

Bad luck with your choice of DH - sounds like you picked a dud. Sulky, lazy, bad with the kids, whinging about work, expects you to do the house stuff. Does he complain about the lack of sex whilst being an unsexy man child?

no advice - I guess he’ll get better as they get older. But your feelings for him might be dead by then.

I could cope if it was a temporary outburst but it literally lasts days. He says he can't cope with anymore stress than day to day life brings. But that just means anything above and I'm dealing with it!