What's more rude - interrupting a reader OR ignoring an interrupter?

[MonsteraMama]

An ongoing (and light hearted!) debate in my house currently which I think can be settled with a good old fashioned poll.

Here is the situation: a person is sitting on the sofa reading a book. A member of that person's family enters the room, sees them reading, and tries to engage them in a conversation (in this instance about cats, nothing important or an emergency). The reader "hmm hmms" and makes vaguely agreeable noises but otherwise ignores the interrupter until said interrupter realises the reader is too engaged in their book and leaves the room again.

Who's more rude?

YABU - The reader should have looked up from their book and engaged in the conversation being had with them.

YANBU - The interrupter was rude for expecting the reader to drop what they're doing and engage in conversation with them.

(I am neither interrupter nor reader, just interested in how this would go down in other people's houses, as it's caused some spicy debate this evening between the two parties.)

Oh that was very much what it's like, they're both very opinionated and stubborn people so when they get started I just sit back and enjoy the show. It's all very light hearted but they can genuinely gnaw at a topic for hours if they disagree, and both seem to thoroughly enjoy it.

I've stayed out of it (other than posting this thread I suppose !) - the debate concluded with Husband agreeing that if Daughter is reading and he wants her attention he'll ask for it rather than just barrelling into a stream of consciousness - on the understanding that if she says no he'll go away. So she seems to have won the day!

Oh definitely the interrupter. I love to read. I don't watch much tv, no one else in my house understands it, they think I'm just doing nothing and therefore available and willing to listen to them.
Dh will start to watch something and then ask me 20 times to "just look at this bit" dc will charge in and talk and ask questions and make it impossible to concentrate.
I just want to read.

If the reader has otherwise been engaged socially at an earlier time, the interrupter is the rude one. They are forcing themselves into someone else's relaxation and downtime. I get wanting to share with the one's you love, but some people need to understand that not everyone needs or wants the same amount of interactions as them.
You can't interrupt someone for no reason-which is rude- and then accuse them of being rude for not catering to you when you are interjecting yourself unbidden into their private time.
And kudos to her for holding her ground. This may seem slight, but it is a small bit of manipulation on his part to try and make it seem like she is in the wrong. Ask him if he would like her lover/partner to be able to interrupt her in her activities and then claim that she is being rude for not putting up with it?

If the interrupter must interrupt they could ask if now is a good time? That gives the reader the opportunity to say no. But then they have already been interrupted!

Totally agree. No reason to prioritise human interaction over non interaction.
Non interaction is a negative way to frame 'doing stuff more interesting than pointless chattering'

I’m an avid reader but I can’t do it often because I do get so engrossed that I literally do not hear anything that is being said to me whilst I am reading. It’s like having headphones on. But trying to get others to believe that is hard!

If I’m reading, I in no way want to talk to you unless it’s VERY important. Anyone who interrupts that is being very UR

God my DH does this to me all the time and it's so annoying! He's not a reader - so maybe feels that as you can put a book down (unlike a film you're watching maybe) - it's OK. But actually he does it when I'm watching TV too, although none of us are allowed to interrupt his crappy programs during the many hours he spends stuck in his chair.......

If the person says 'sorry to interrupt - do you know where my keys are?' - then fine.

If they say 'aargh, I'm late for my appointment and can't find my keys - any idea?' - then fine.

But if it's just chit chat then it's rude. But the reader should do more than Hmmm. I just say - 'I'm engrossed in this right now, we can discuss your pension/cat/new shirt tomorrow'.

Interrupter is definitely rude though.

Have to tell my husband ALL THE TIME I’m reading and I’ll be with him shortly 🤬

Me : A reader, always a book on the go. Been like it since I could read. Hours spent in the local library as a kid.
Gran : Not interested in reading in the slightest, apart from an occasional Take A Break mag.
Gran : Always pissed off that I did "too much reading, it's just bloody rude!"
Me : Asked her what else she'd prefer me to be doing
Gran : You should sit down and watch telly with us
Me : but I'm a kid/teen/20-something, I don't watch your kind of programmes. I'm just not interested in snooker, gardeners world, antiques roadshow (or whatever)
Nan : Well, you should, because it's what we're watching and you're just bloody rude otherwise. God I hate 'book people', you're all so selfish and ignorant!

I loved my Nan, and she loved me. We generally had a great relationship. But from being a young kid I'd often hear her complaining about me having "her head stuck in another bloody book again and ignoring us all!"

She really couldn't grasp why some people enjoyed reading and made such a fuss about how they were all.ignoramuses. It used to drive me nuts, so I started taking myself off to another room to read in peace, instead of her constantly trying to interupt me. And that just infuriated her more because I was then being twice as ignorant! 😆

the what are you doing? with a book in front of me???

Yanbu! My OH is not a reader and I am, he thinks when I’m reading in peace I’m fair game for any conversation he feels like having and I’m the rude for not immediately putting down my book. Drives me mad!

See I really love reading but I've never felt the need to read a book in the living room and expect to be left alone. I'd go somewhere more private if I really didn't want to be disturbed or I'd use the living room or kitchen if I was up for a break and a chat. This hasn't stopped me being able to enjoy books at all.

never felt the need to read a book in the living room and expect to be left alone.

But that’s where the sofa is.

I guess this varies for others but I'm perfectly capable of sitting somewhere other than a sofa.

I'm going to rename my sitting room the library to make clear that I'm not interested in chat.