What's more rude - interrupting a reader OR ignoring an interrupter?

[MonsteraMama]

An ongoing (and light hearted!) debate in my house currently which I think can be settled with a good old fashioned poll.

Here is the situation: a person is sitting on the sofa reading a book. A member of that person's family enters the room, sees them reading, and tries to engage them in a conversation (in this instance about cats, nothing important or an emergency). The reader "hmm hmms" and makes vaguely agreeable noises but otherwise ignores the interrupter until said interrupter realises the reader is too engaged in their book and leaves the room again.

Who's more rude?

YABU - The reader should have looked up from their book and engaged in the conversation being had with them.

YANBU - The interrupter was rude for expecting the reader to drop what they're doing and engage in conversation with them.

(I am neither interrupter nor reader, just interested in how this would go down in other people's houses, as it's caused some spicy debate this evening between the two parties.)

When I read I need to be totally engrossed. If I am interrupted then I can't just go back to it. I've lost the moment. I've been removed from my deep engrossment.

In fact it was the constant interruption that caused ever stop reading much. Or watching movies. It is so unpleasant for me that I'd rather not bother.

You beat me to my post.

In a shared space, you don't ignore people who speak to you. If you've got a tiny house where there's nowhere else (I used to have very very long baths in order to read uninterrupted) then at least you acknowledge them, even if it's only to say... Hang on, I just need to finish this chapter and I'll be with you

Why do you place human interaction above non interaction. That's bollocks. I need my peace. I need quiet time. I need it as much as you obviously require interaction. One doesn't supersede the other. It depends on your need

@takealettermsjones

Agree with this. If you want to do something privately and not be interrupted, you need to go somewhere else, not in the main living area where chatting/socialising happens.
For a lot of people, the sitting room IS the only reasonable place to read. You have comfy chairs.

If you aren't a bed sitter and your room can't accommodate a comfy chair you can't read in the bedroom

If reader and interrupter are married to each other and have been for many years, they should have reached an understanding by now that reader does not like to be interrupted but is happy to hear about the funny thing the cat did later over dinner (I'm imagining they might be your parents OP?)

Sounds more like siblings to me.

Ok fair but what do you mean if you aren't a bed sitter? Just sit on your bed?

I may or may not have responded to DH with exasperation yesterday when he interrupted me yet again during a pivotal scene to tell me about yet another funny thing he saw while randomly scrolling online. I don’t mind if I’m just on my phone, but if I’m reading, I don’t want to be interrupted every 2 minutes.

It depends, if the reader frequently has their nose in a book (eg me as a teen) then they are being rude by not pulling said nose out of the book and engaging with others.

If they rarely get time to read then it is the interruptor who is being rude. If it is in the middle the. It depends in the frequency of being interrupted.

If the interrupter is a short term visitor, reader is rude, if interruptor is visiting for many days or even weeks, then they are being rude.

If the reader is the visitor, then again they are being rude.

What if reader is in a shared private space, like a couple’s shared bedroom?

What if the home has multiple public shared spaces such that people can generally be expected to find a bit of privacy if that is what they are seeking and others still have spaces where they can be as talkative or engage in other hobbies as they might desire? What if the reason they sought this particular space is not the space but to have an audience?

My partner constantly interrupts me when reading which makes me less inclined to read when he is about as I can’t properly enjoy the book (it’s never just one interruption there is always a follow up). He is usually about so I read a lot less these days.

I get very little time to have my own head space (very clingy toddler) so when she goes to bed I occasionally want to have an hour to myself, so I do feel a bit like it’s having a second grown up toddler when that he interrupts me and gets in a mood when I do not wish to talk. Some people need alone time and people need to accept they are not obliged to entertain others 24/7.

Extremely rude to interrupt an engrossed reader, especially if you're expecting them to pay attention to waffle (as opposed to something important).

The reader going hmm hmm I do not consider to be rude. Their focus is still on the book, dragging their focus to the interrupter is not instantaneous. Although TBH if they'd told the interrupter to fuck off and leave them in peace, I'd probably consider it natural consequences rather than rude .

I think the reader is the rude one in this instance. They are in a shared family space.

I'm a prolific reader so will often pick a book up for a spare five minutes. Because of this I expect to be interrupted because otherwise no one would ever be able to talk to me!

If a family member said I'm just having half an hour with my book I wouldn't interrupt unless important.

But I'd say there's a counter argument that the other person was rude for continuing to read during a conversation

You should tell your partner that you're allowed to read and recharge, so please be a bit more respectful of your time and the way you choose to spend it.

The interrupter was rude.

I was an avid reader and still describe it as one of my favourite things.

Managed to keep reading through 2 DCs, 3rd DC and DH have broken me, I have to be out of the house or have DH out of the house and 3rd DC engaged in something else or I can't read without constant interruptions. I can however scroll social media with interruptions on my phone leading to (DH) complaints of how much I'm on it.

I've started listening to audible books instead as can do that while moving around looking too busy for conversation however DH still manages to drop a comment, wander off, wander back and drop another comment and repeat until I get cross.

I think I need to find him another out of the house hobby!

Reading seems to be some weird, sacred hobby on MN that can never interrupted, but if anyone is doing anything involving a screen, they're always told to pause it or put their phone down, interact and not be rude 🤷‍♀️

The interrupter is the rude one, of course.

Agree with PP, if you don't want to be interrupted while reading then go somewhere more private. Living rooms are social spaces.

is it just a book?
what about reading mumsnet?
the BBC website or any news website?

Agree that if the reader was a teenage girl on her phone or someone gaming the replies would be very different.

Reader is rude to ignore the interrupter (even that naming is a bit loaded - why not conversationalist?) when sitting in a communal area. Interrupter is then a bit rude if they didn't take the hint (although it sounds like they did).

I’m in the interrupter is rude camp.
I like to read on my lunch break. It’s a customer facing role and I like the quiet and the break.
We have a couple of staff members who like to chat complete bollocks at me or show me shit memes from their phone. I ignore them!

I’m a bit aghast at some of these replies! If they’re just reading “for fun” it’s OK to interrupt them? How dare someone have fun! “Nose in a book.” “Go somewhere private.” So bizarre.

Would you interrupt someone gaming or on their phone?

Neither really. The person reading should have properly replied to the interrupter and then asked to he left in peace to continue reading.