Does throwing and paying for a party count as a gift?

[Friyay27]

A friend and I are throwing another friend a baby shower, we've organised everything paid for food, decorations and drinks.
AIBU to think this doesn't count as a gift, friend thinks it does, I just don't want to appear mean, nor do I want to make my friend fell bad if I get a gift and she doesn't
(Yes I know about the general dislike for baby showers in general, but here we are)

No I don't think it does. It's a separate choice to throw a party. However, absolutely no one ever should frown upon someone who threw a party but didn't buy a gift.

Get ready for the comments about how disgusting baby showers are even though that's not what you asked....MNers are so weird about them 🤣

Yeah, I'm so unsure as to what to do.

I think it does count, even more than a present gift too. All the things you pay for are in lieu of gifts and very generous too.

Even though it's much more thoughtful, hard work, stressful, time consuming and expensive to throw a party, no, I don't think it counts as a 'gift'. Bonkers I agree!

I am not sure why, but no, it doesn't count as a "gift". I would give at least a small token item.

It was an incredibly kind and generous gesture!
However I think I'd get a token 20 quid gift on top.

I would count it as a gift and certainly wouldn't want my friends buying me something separately if they'd gone to all that trouble and expense.

It absolutely does imo. There is no way I would be expecting a gift from someone that organised and paid for my baby shower. I'm surprised that seems like the minority view.

If my friends did this for me there wouldn’t be an ounce of me that would expect a gift as well. In fact I would think if you organised and paid for my party and then bought me a gift I’d be worried you’d spent / done too much!

No, it doesn’t count as a gift. Usually a group will pool their money to throw the party while one or two members organise it. Then eveyone in the group brings a gift for mum to be.

So if 20 friends, the cost of party is split between all, and all 20 also bring a gift.

Tricky one. If someone threw me a party, I would be surprised if they gave me a gift as well. Saying that, when I've thrown parties for my kids, I've always bought them presents still, and I have still received presents from people who have thrown them for me.

Also, at baby showers, the gifts are for the baby, not the parents. So a party wouldn't count as a gift for the baby.

But that's not the situation here. Two people are paying for everything. So you still think they should buy something despite paying, potentially, ten times the amount of the people in your example?

Tricky one as throwing a party can be expensive. I think i’d get an extra gift though.

Of course it counts as a gift

No, I think the rest of the guests (apart from mum and dad to be) should be told their contribution amount towards the party.

Really? Once it's too late for them to have any day, as it has already been organised and paid for?

I can imagine that going down well...

Just get something small to open. Nothing fancy, just a pretty pack of bibs or a toy to hang on a pram.

I think that’s a really generous gift. If you are paying for the catering, hosting and preparing your home or a venue and then cleaning up afterwards, to me that would be amazing. I’d be embarrassed if you bought a gift too

I am saying the usual etiquette as that is what the OP asked. Besides who says it is too late to have any say or do any changes or that the wider group has had no say to date?

I'd say yes then buy a gift when baby comes.

Yes it does!
And I wouldn't be buying a gift as well.
And I certainly wouldn't expect one.

The baby shower / party / event is for the mum to be. The gift is for the baby. So the party is not a gift.
However it isn't usual form to take a gift to the party you are hosting, so you don't need to take one.
I always want to buy a new baby a gift because I love choosing a book for a new baby!

The party would count as the gift for me if you’ve paid for it

For me, yes it would count as a gift and I also wouldn’t be expecting contributions to the party cost from other guests as a PP has suggested. I’m not even sure there can be said to be an “etiquette” around baby showers given they are a relatively new thing in the UK (or on the scale that they are these days anyway!)

Absolutely counts as a gift.