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Original poster

Bringing a new partner to a wedding my ex is at?

43 replies

Lotslikejellytots · 05/08/2024 10:24

I'm going to be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. My ex will be there. We are on good terms and are part of the same friendship group but we only split 6 mk ths ago.
The bride has asked if my new BF would like to come. It's still early days with him but going well. I'm not sure whether to bring him, out of respect for my ex? As me and my new BF started seeing each other not long after I split with my ex.

Would it be unreasonable to bring him?

OP posts:
FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 10:29

Maybe ask what your boyfriend wants? You don't just bring him along, like a handbag. In his situation I would hate to go to the wedding. He won't know anyone and you'll be busy all day.

Footballwidow24 · 05/08/2024 10:30

You're a bridesmaid, he will be away from you for most of the wedding as you will have bridesmaidy things to do - I think it would be simpler all round not to invite him.

Whatacarrion · 05/08/2024 10:36

Footballwidow24 · 05/08/2024 10:30

You're a bridesmaid, he will be away from you for most of the wedding as you will have bridesmaidy things to do - I think it would be simpler all round not to invite him.

Me too. It's not a great situation for him even if your ex wasn't there.

ThatsCute · 05/08/2024 10:39

If the shoe were on the other foot, I would likely be offended if my BF didn’t invite me to a wedding that his XGF was at, in the hopes of not offending her. I would recommend asking your BF if he wants to go, and take it from there.

Mumdiva99 · 05/08/2024 10:40

I wouldn't in this situation. You will be busy. Just enjoy the day and tell him about it after. (Not even factoring in the ex husband!)

JaxiiTaxii · 05/08/2024 10:41

Taking into consideration that drink will be involved and the personalities you're dealing with, the question should be whether this is going to cause unnecessary drama at your good friend's wedding.

It appears to have all the ingredients for a row or drunken argy bargy in the carpark.

Edingril · 05/08/2024 10:42

ThatsCute · 05/08/2024 10:39

If the shoe were on the other foot, I would likely be offended if my BF didn’t invite me to a wedding that his XGF was at, in the hopes of not offending her. I would recommend asking your BF if he wants to go, and take it from there.

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I don't know anyone except the person I am with part of the wedding party

I would happily wish them a good time and do something else

JJathome · 05/08/2024 10:44

Footballwidow24 · 05/08/2024 10:30

You're a bridesmaid, he will be away from you for most of the wedding as you will have bridesmaidy things to do - I think it would be simpler all round not to invite him.

For the actual marriage yes, and for the wedding breakfast, but for everything else, and it’s usually a very long day they will be together.

ThatsCute · 05/08/2024 10:44

Edingril · 05/08/2024 10:42

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I don't know anyone except the person I am with part of the wedding party

I would happily wish them a good time and do something else

Show quote history

Exactly. And the BF may feel this way too, so probably best to take his lead after asking him.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/08/2024 10:47

FeelingUnsure99 · 05/08/2024 10:29

Maybe ask what your boyfriend wants? You don't just bring him along, like a handbag. In his situation I would hate to go to the wedding. He won't know anyone and you'll be busy all day.

OTOH if he's serious about the OP and he's not shy, he might positively enjoy a chance to meet some of her friends and family.
Ask him what he wants to do. Unless there's any chance he or the ex are likely to behave in an uncivilised manner.

GoldDuster · 05/08/2024 10:50

I wouldn't center your exes feelings in this, rather your new boyfriends. Does he want to sit on his own while you're busy doing the thing, with your ex and mutual friend group all having a ball? Sounds like a shit day to me, I would avoid like the plague and let you get on with it.

BigDahliaFan · 05/08/2024 10:53

Yeah ask him if he wants to go? Good chance to meet your friends.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/08/2024 10:57

Footballwidow24 · 05/08/2024 10:30

You're a bridesmaid, he will be away from you for most of the wedding as you will have bridesmaidy things to do - I think it would be simpler all round not to invite him.

I’d agree with this. Also, if you’ve only been separated from your ex for 6 months it’s a very very new boyfriend on a very quick timeline: it may come across to others as smelling a little bit of desperate rebound and wanting to crow to your ex that you have somebody new.

I wouldn’t expect to be a wedding plus one of somebody I’d only been dating a few weeks, and can’t think many people. If your new boyfriend gets upset about it, it’s a bit of a red flag.

LoquaciousPineapple · 05/08/2024 11:03

Given you're a bridesmaid, I wouldn't say it's worth the drama. He'll be on his own for large chunks of the day and given it's your best friend's wedding you don't need the social support of him being there.

If she's doing evening guests, could he be invited as one of them? Less awkward than spending the day alone around people he doesn't know or potential drama with the ex.

MimiSunshine · 05/08/2024 11:03

Would you be sat with him for the meal?

If yes then ask him if he wants to go, realistically it’s the morning and ceremony that you’ll be busy for.

if not, still ask him but if not sat together for the meal, see if he wants to just turn up for the reception and ask the bride if that’s ok.

BlackBean2023 · 05/08/2024 11:05

Is your ex taking a new GF? Perhaps that's why the friend has asked...

TooMuchRedMaybe · 05/08/2024 11:09

It would depend on the nature of your previous relationship for me. If you had been together for many years, was he upset when you broke up, is he seeing anyone else? If it was a short relationship and you both wanted to end it then by all means ask your new bf (although I wouldn’t want to go if I was him), if not I’d not risk creating any drama at my friends wedding.

Original poster
Lotslikejellytots · 05/08/2024 13:12

Sorry should have added that BF has expressed that he would like to go to the evening and meet my friends but is also unsure because of upsetting my ex.
I was with my ex for 8 years and was engaged which is why I'm a bit concerned! I obviously still care about his feelings and don't want to hurt him even more than I already have by looking like I'm parading a new relationship around in front him... but on the other hand, my new BF deserves to enjoy things with me. Leaning towards not bringing BF and organising another night for him to properly meet my friends...

OP posts:
Bemusedandconfusedagain · 05/08/2024 13:36

Is it likely to cause drama on your BF's wedding day? If so then definitely not.

Gcsunnyside23 · 05/08/2024 14:16

I think the evening do is a good option. The question is how do you think your ex will react? I'm assuming as the bride gave you the option she must assume it'll be ok.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/08/2024 14:27

If you're on good terms with your ex why not just check if he'd be bothered?

DeliciousApples · 05/08/2024 14:30

You'll be at the top table and he will be sat with strangers. So the whole day thing is not going to be good for him.

If you invite him for the evening it could cause some friction on the friends group. Six months is not that long ago to be split up if he still has feelings for you. I take it your ex is not dating anyone?

Perhaps another night would be better to introduce him to the friends group?

How does your new boyfriend feel about that? Would he fear you weren't inviting him so you could get back with your ex, even though that's not the situation you don't want him to be upset either.

Rosemarysprinkle · 05/08/2024 14:34

Lotslikejellytots · 05/08/2024 13:12

Sorry should have added that BF has expressed that he would like to go to the evening and meet my friends but is also unsure because of upsetting my ex.
I was with my ex for 8 years and was engaged which is why I'm a bit concerned! I obviously still care about his feelings and don't want to hurt him even more than I already have by looking like I'm parading a new relationship around in front him... but on the other hand, my new BF deserves to enjoy things with me. Leaning towards not bringing BF and organising another night for him to properly meet my friends...

In the nicest possible way it’s batshit to me that your boyfriends told you he’d like to go but you’re considering not bringing him along to spare your EX’s feeling.

If I had been dating someone for half a year and they told me they didn’t want me coming along to a wedding because their ex was there and didn’t want to upset them I’d be like… right… okay

Rosemarysprinkle · 05/08/2024 14:35

P.S I will add as a bridesmaid you will probably be occupied, so him going to the evening only would make sense

Noseybookworm · 08/08/2024 11:24

If you're on good terms with your ex, could you have a chat with him and say your new partner is coming to the evening and you hope he's ok with that? Hopefully no-one will want any drama or bad feeling to upset your friend's wedding party. It might be good to arrange a night out for your partner to meet your friends before then, if he hasn't already.