Is the first born son always the favourite?

[Billyandharry]

My brother comes back to the UK from the states once per year. He is loaded but works hard for it. My entire family roll out the red carpet for him for 2 weeks. Am I unreasonable to be a bit peeved that this happens every year ( when I'm here doing stuff for elderly parent all year). I feel so resentful. Anyone else have a god like brother ?

Does he get more, or are they just happy to see him because he's made the effort and don't see him often?

So he's only in the country 2 weeks out of 52. How often are you available to see your family.

If someone has travelled to see you it's polite to make a little bit of a fuss..

It’s not that he’s the oldest, it’s that he’s not there often.

Yes this.

If you feel resentful, try being a bit less available to your elderly parents. Experience has taught me that the more you do for someone , the less they appreciate you.

God like grandchildren.

the first two (boys, their dd’s kids) get everything. Including private school, uni fees, and left large amounts in the will.

the other gc (younger brothers kids) get nothing.

Not always. My close family, the girls have lived far and near. Wherever everyone is, the boy still gets all the love.

It's coz they don't see him often, not because he's first born son. Would be the same for you if you lived overseas.

@BeaRF75 hmmm if only it was that simple! I just feel that me and my family (here 52 weeks of the year) make a lot of effort. Noone EVER comes to visit (we have to travel 4 hours) and yet they seem to flock to see the great messiah every year.
Been going on for 20 yrs but still niggles me.

Nope. DH was the eldest son and his parents didn't even pretend to like him much. Even after the favourite son died and he was the only one left.

@ByCupidStunt yes I've thought about this but it's hard when elderly mum is on her own.

@VikingLady well that's rather heart breaking too.x

Not in my DH family anyway. His DS is by far the favourite because you just love daughters more apparently.

My DH was the 'favourite' in many ways, he was the younger by 6 yrs. But he still felt his parents were arseholes, lol. I think everyone will feel they were a bit hard done by when it comes to parents

I guess every family is different/has it's own dynamics. Just feeling a bit raw/hurt this weekend and annoyed as I'm too old for this crap!

Sorry you are going through this happens in some families mine included. They have favourites regardless how near or far they live or what gender etc.

In DM’s family the sons were the most favoured with the eldest son who lived furtherest away being the most favourite (he was probably also the more successful job wise and property wise etc). DM the only DD one of the middle children of 4 and she was least favourite. My GP’s made this fairly obvious.

With my DF’s family (three siblings) he was the eldest son and probably the least favourite, youngest DD was the outright favourite. Again this was blatantly obvious.

Yet having experienced this my DM and DF made my DSIS favourite of three and me black sheep. Academically, job wise, house wise and standard of living wise I have achieved more.

I think sometimes whether you are favourite/golden child or black shape/scapegoat it can be equally wearying and hard work.

Not in my family, thank goodness. I have an older brother and my parents treat us fairly.

@Ratherbeaspoonthanafork yes I hear you - thanks for your response.x

In my family, it's four daughters. The eldest has always been the favourite. However, she's also the only one left nearby, and does all the dealings with Mum, as she gets elderly and increasingly needing help and support, so it's fair enough.

I was a bit pissed off, I must admit, when I flew home at a moment's notice, at rather vast expense, to support Mum, who was worryingly ill, and it took precisely 72 hours before she was treating me like the usual crap! Heigh ho.

Yes absolutely the case in my family. And it impacts our children too.

Dh’s younger sister is definitely the golden and favourite child.

On tap childcare, invited round for take aways, foreign holidays together partly funded by them.

Where as they just come uninvited and invade our camping, wasn’t willing to babysit like ever. Family restaurant meals stops as soon as her was born because her children cannot behave.

But family take away for her birthday nothing for dh’s, her children’s birthday meals done at in-laws house. Ours… nothing.

Could you leave them to it for his next visit @Billyandharry? Just happen to be away on holiday?

Not in my family of origin.

Definitely. My dad worships him, he often got the best when we were growing up and I got something second rate ( he attended expensive school, had a huge bedroom, whilst I was in the box room and went to a
much cheaper, non-name school). My parents bought him a car and paid part of his house deposit (I got neither). It is also driven by my mother’s internalised misogyny (girls are weaker, should always defer to men). I always knew and then a few years ago something happened within our family (I inherited from an uncle and my brother wasn’t included) and my mum and dad lost their minds.

I’m the first born daughter and most probably the favourite although my mother and grandfather do a good job of hiding it.
I dont think your problem relates to birth order or sex

Remember that it’s not his fault- it’s theirs.