Is the first born son always the favourite?

[Billyandharry]

My brother comes back to the UK from the states once per year. He is loaded but works hard for it. My entire family roll out the red carpet for him for 2 weeks. Am I unreasonable to be a bit peeved that this happens every year ( when I'm here doing stuff for elderly parent all year). I feel so resentful. Anyone else have a god like brother ?

Not in my family...my youngest brother was the Golden Child! My mum adored him, to the absolute detriment of the rest of us (4 children, 2 x girls, 2 x boys). We always knew that we were only the
'Entree' - Golden Child was definitely the 'Main Course AND the Pudding' in mum's eyes. It hurt 😢

it was like that with my mother for the first 20-30 years. Finally it seems that the tables have turned and I (younger sister) can do no wrong. it's not that much better - now i have to listen to her complaining about my brother......

Have you never heard of the Parable of the Prodigal Son? It is a story from the Bible where that exact thing happens

Hmmm I can slightly see your point - but if you're saying the family don't travel 4 hours to see you, but travel 4 hours to see your brother when he's home - isn't that just because he's travelled 10+ hours to the UK to see family, so it makes sense they do the UK leg of the journey?

Do you often travel to see them?

Honestly it's probably

Dh isn't.hes the scapegoat in his family

I think family dynamics are complicated and not always fair.

I'm the younger one. I suspect I'm the favourite and certainly my older sister thinks so. I see my parents all the time. They provide lots of practical support to me, and when they are elderly I hope to reciprocate. My sister they give a lot of financial support to, much more than I would ever need/want.

It must must incredibly hard if there's obvious favouritism. I guess just try not to compare and view your relationship in isolation? A friend of mine once asked me if I minded that my parents paid for my sister's new conservatory/landscapes back garden/dentistry. I honestly don't care. It's their money to spend how they want - in my sister, or in a holiday or on my dad's hobby.... it's their money. It doesn't affect me. I might view it differently if I were in dire need.

My Dbro was 3rd out of 4 (3 sisters) and she’d have denied it to her dying day, but he was always DM’s favourite, def. a Golden Boy*. She actually told me once that it was normal for a woman to feel differently about a boy, so much later I worried a bit when Gds was born, that I might love him more than firstborn Gdd.

So I’m glad to say that as far as I’m concerned it’s bollocks.

I have 2 lovely dds and never once hankered after a boy, either.

*hardly his fault though - he’s a lovely bloke.

@MissingMoominMamma I know ! I keep reminding myself of this. He's oblivious.
I think there's a lot of internalised misogyny in my family.

My DH swears I'm his Mum's favourite. Apparently he only became more considerate of his parents after he met me. So I get credited with dh's behaviour improvement.

I had 2 very beloved Aunties who neither of them had DC of their own but they really helped to raise my sisters and I. I went away to Uni and married and lived about 200 miles away meaning I only visited about 4 times a year. As Aunties grew old my 2 as sitters still living in our home town did shopping for Aunties, took them to medical appointments, cleaned their homes, one sister did their laundry and one sister did personal care for them. My 2 sisters got really annoyed when I ordered my other sister who.lived overseas visited them for a couple of hours and sat and chatted to them about when I was a child and after we'd gone home for the next 2 or 3 weeks they kept telling my 2 sisters who cared for them most days how wonderful it was having me and my other sister who lived away to come to visit them. I think if you don't see someone very often you make more fuss of them when you do see them. I know my 2 sisters felt under valued though.

@caringcarer ha yes result on the mil front! Yes I think you naturally do make more effort if you don't see much of someone - my rational brain gets this - still hurts my heart tho!

I think sons are often the favourite. In most families I know with children of both sexes, the son is without doubt the mother's favourite, not always the father's favourite.
My mother always favoured my brother over my sister and I, even though he had caused them a lot of stress over the years and was estranged for 10 years because his wife didn't like any of us and he was to weak to stand up for himself . When they divorced he was welcomed back and all forgiven.

Sounds like there’s more to it than his visiting? My older brother (first born) can’t do any wrong and no matter how dreadfully he treats the family my parents think he’s wonderful. Oddly, there was a period of time where my dad would be truthful about his behaviour then he started favouring him even more. My mum absolutely favourites him. it's actually quite damaging for the person who’s favoured (in some cases). My brother can’t hold down a relationship or a job and I truly believe it’s down to the pedestal they put him on all his life. I feel your frustration - but you probably have a far better character than he does.

The one that lives closest is chopped liver.

No my wife's sister is 5 years older than her brother and 12 years older than my wife. She has had £10s more money, more gifts, it's actually pissed me off how much my wife does for her mum given that her mum abdicated her childhood to the gran, talks constantly about giving gifts to the sister....who basically married the first man who she thought had money and didn't have a proper job for 30 years.. Mother hasn't asked how we are coping despite me having to retire in my mi d 50s due to medical issues.
actually I am really fucked off

@Polarnight ooh that made me laugh!

Are you the ignored middle child?

The youngest.

Not true in my family. My sister (and her daughter) are the very obvious favourites, not so much with my mum but my dad makes it bloody obvious. Despite having made some really awful choices she's still the golden child.
What annoys me most is she's jobless and has walked out on her cunt if a husband so now lives with my parents., rent free. She's not looking for a job and that seems fine.bWhen I was jobless and getting evicted by the landlord I got nothing. No offer to live with them, no finical help. Nothing apart from being nagged about getting a job.
I've had to give up work recently for my DS and was told by my dad how wrong that was.
Sorry that turned in to a rant but yeah it's crap when your sibling is the golden child and you are just there to be bitched at.

In my family its not just the oldest boy but any boy. GPs generation were military so girls were a waste of space/support humans. Family funds to educate the boys privately but not the girls. When I got into Oxford they asked my parents (in front of me) why they thought it was worth my going as I'd only get married and have children anyway.... DPs always denied that they thought that way but told me to keep quiet as it was "just the older generation" although my brother was the favourite.

However, he had 2 girls, I had 2 girls - all fine. He remarried and had 2 boys - guess who the golden grandchildren are....