To give or not to give

[Difficultwill]

I am in a quandary. I have two DS who both have two DC. I get on well with both my DS but one I see every day the other every month or so even though she does not live that far away. The DS children are all adult. The DS children who I see every day see me almost as another DM and see me very regularly and I speak to them most days. They bring their DC round to see me and help me when I need help.
The other DS children I don’t see for months or even years and have no real contact with them. This makes me sad.
My problem is that I am redoing my Will. I feel that I want to leave more to the ones I see all the time and only a little to the others. AIBU. One of the DC I see regularly is my executor and I have discussed this with him in private to see if he would be up to the flack that this might cause. He has not seen his cousins for years and is happy to have no contact with them after I die as he has no relationship with them anyway.
AIBU for not wanting to leave the same amount of money to my nieces and nephew? Please help!!!!

You can leave your money to whoever you wish to, you do not owe anyone an explanation for your decision, and they don't have to like it.

Give it to them now if you can it will cause animosity once you.are gone and I know one side don't visit and I get that but do.you want " favourites" to be how you are remembered.

I don't think i could do that personally. I live 600 miles from my mum, my sisters live close, another one is abroad. Id be gutted if my children got nothing and their cousins did. I do know she’s left something for each of them.

I don't understand don't you mean grandchildren or was that a typo because you were talking about your son?

I believe the op is saying she has two sisters who each have children, so nieces and nephews, not grandchildren.

I would leave them something, enough to be useful but just not as much as the others. I just don’t know what to do and whether I such even think of doing this

When you say your “problem” is that you’re redoing your will - do you mean you’re voluntarily choosing to rewrite it for this specific purpose and the actual problem is that part of you feels uncomfortable about your motivations in doing so?

You have two sons who have two children each, they have kids. So you are a grandparent and a great grandparent. Who are the nieces and nephews??

Yes they are nieces and nephews and not grandchildren

Argh I read it as grandchildren too, which WBU I think.

Nieces and nephews not so much, I think you're grand.

So DS are your sisters not your son's? 🤔

Very confusing as DS means dear son (as much as I hate the abbreviations that's how I was reading it!!)

Sorry I have two dear sisters who each have two children. They are not my kids. I have no living offspring sadly so no kids or grandkids. Sorry first time on her and I think I confused DS for dear sister and not dear son

I’m terribly confused ! I don’t think I've got the DS’s right , ignore me !

The DS's are sisters, not sons. This is why I don't use the abbreviations.

Ahhhhhh! I was thinking she was a stone cold bitch for not wanting to leave anything to some of her grandchildren, but if it's DSis children and not DS children, that would make a lot more sense in her approach to inheritance.

In that case, OP, it would be fine to leave larger bequests to the ones you have a closer relationship to. I don't think it would cause much upset if your nephews and nieces rarely see you. It's nice of you to leave them anything at all.

Oh sorry I missed the whole point. Nieces and Nephews do what you like If you are closer to one family. I answered thinking it was sons and grandchildren.

leave it to the ones you have a relationship with - & I'd recommend that regardless of whether G/nieces

Oh right. If it’s your sister’s kids I think it matters less tbh. My sister is much closer to our aunt than me, our sibling or our cousins, and I expect her to inherit everything of hers - totally fine with me.

My aunt is leaving her money to be equally split between here nieces and nephews as she has not children. However she has recently given myself and two other some money and asked us not to mention it. We are much closer to her than the others so it makes sense. Tbh I never see the majority of my cousins so wouldn't mention it anyway.

I know someone in a similar situation. He has made a will that equally splits between the relatives, regardless of how often he sees them. However, any that visit will be given money at the time. That being said, it is your money and you can leave it to whom you like.

Totally unreasonable! It's not their fault they weren't brought up differently or didn't see you constantly

Sorry, I think I also misunderstood the whole post, and took it to be grandchildren.

I have 2 brothers, one older and one younger. I'm very close to the younger one and have no real contact with the older one.

My will leaves everything to my younger brother and his children, my nieces. Nothing at all to the older one, whom I last saw at our father's funeral in December 22 and whom I haven't seen since.

It's your will, your decision.

YANBU op. I have many nieces and nephews, with varying degrees of closeness to them. That is reflected in my will and anyone whinging about ‘unfairness’ or ‘favouritism’ is showing themselves to be entitled and indicating why we are not close in the first place!

They are now all adults and capable of developing and maintaining a relationship with their aunt if they wished to do so. But they haven’t bothered to do that, so can’t really complain when they are not included in her will.