To give or not to give

[Difficultwill]

I am in a quandary. I have two DS who both have two DC. I get on well with both my DS but one I see every day the other every month or so even though she does not live that far away. The DS children are all adult. The DS children who I see every day see me almost as another DM and see me very regularly and I speak to them most days. They bring their DC round to see me and help me when I need help.
The other DS children I don’t see for months or even years and have no real contact with them. This makes me sad.
My problem is that I am redoing my Will. I feel that I want to leave more to the ones I see all the time and only a little to the others. AIBU. One of the DC I see regularly is my executor and I have discussed this with him in private to see if he would be up to the flack that this might cause. He has not seen his cousins for years and is happy to have no contact with them after I die as he has no relationship with them anyway.
AIBU for not wanting to leave the same amount of money to my nieces and nephew? Please help!!!!

I think that would make perfect sense, to be honest.

Ah, I thought it was grandchildren and I was going to say leave it evenly. But if it is nephews and nieces of course it is fine to leave the money however you like - I don't even think it will cause any bad feelings.

@Difficultwill I have reported this post and asked for it to be removed. The poster hasn't read your update explaining that it is your nieces, not grandchildren.

You need to ask MN to edit your post, people thinking you mean dear sons will skew the vote and responses! It definitely did mine 🤣🙈

I have written and asked them to do that to reflect the OPs update. I don't want to see her flamed on AIBU if she is a newcomer.

Niece's and nephews do as you wish , if it was treating grandchildren differently you'd open up a hornets nest .

On first reading, I too thought these were your grandchildren and that this would be a controversial decision. I also thought it odd you said they saw you as almost a second mum.

Nieces and nephews I think is more nuanced. You may want to mention it to your sisters so they are aware and it isn't something to come as a shock to everyone when the time comes.

You do as you see fit OP, they're nieces and nephews, so it's fine.

I think it would be perfectly fair for you to leave more or most to the niece/nephew who regard you as a second mother, see you regularly and are always there to help you when you need help.

In fact, I think it would be quite unfair for you to leave the same to the niece/nephew whom you hardly ever see.

You could write an explanation in your will that you loved both your sisters and their children equally but as the first sister's children had happened to remain very close and helpful to you, you felt duty bound to leave them more.

Edited. Just be careful how you go x

So sorry, I misunderstood your post, this is regards your nieces and nephews, then give it to whenever you want.

Absolutely give it to the ones you spend more time with, I thought they were your children!! Disregard my post entirely and give it to the ones you like the most!! No question.

Depends when you're planning on dying. There's still time for your grandkids to get bored seeing you and the others step up

It's nieces and nephews not DGC

The DS children are all adult.

Adult grandchildren? Surely?

Oh.

I see yes. You clarified later.

In that case OP do whatever the fuck you like!!

My advice is to not mention the will, who has been left what etc. I had the same dilemma, 2 on one side I see, 2 on another I don’t, because they’re in Australia (although one is currently over here, has made no contact) Ultimately, I’ve split it between all 4 equally. I’m in regular contact with my siblings, so it felt right. However, they won’t be able to go crazy if they don’t know and you won’t be around when they find out.