To Ask “What’s wrong with shame?”

[MoveToParis]

As a society we have mostly abandoned shame and now seem to view shame as universally bad.

I don’t think that’s true, I think it has its place and if someone behaves shamefully then why shouldn’t they feel shame?

If you are prepared to own your behaviour then other people’s opinion won’t bother you. But if your behaviour (and I include my own in this) has to be kept like a grubby little secret, then maybe a bit of shame won’t do any harm in the long run.

I also tend to agree of judgement: no one objects to being judged as amazing/wise/ funny and any other good quality. They actually have no issue with being judged at all- as long as they like the result.

Guilt tends to change/stop behaviour, that’s why it’s a more useful feeling.

In your example, if there is any shame (debatable) all that happens is that they’ll keep doing it but keep it quiet or just find like minded people. Without guilt , they won’t actually see/accept that there is anything wrong with their behaviour. Just that other people think so.

There’s a reason why more often than not , harmful, shameful behaviour is turned back on the victim.

Can I just check that I have understood you correctly?

Are you saying you agree with this statement: “Watching barely legal pornography is nothing to be ashamed of.”

What about if we stretch it: “there are no behaviours where shame is an appropriate response”

@MoveToParis bad wording on my part, I apologise.

I meant to say "If they feel any shame (debatable )".

I will also admit that I am extremely biased as I was shamed as a child/teen for anything and everything. From my personality and ungirl like behaviours and interests, to being fat, to being victim of sexual assaults and so on. I was a total mess , in so many ways and actually ended up going off the rails. If I have a reputation, might as well live up to it and have some fun - disordered thinking. It didn't work, in fact it massively backfired.My mum still tries to shame me into behaving/being the right way, I just don't give a fuck anymore so it definitely doesn't work now.

Not knowing the acronyms!

Forgive brevity, I am NAK.
So BC, DH and I were TTC - SWOI, IYNWIM! and I got a BFP soon after! Anyway since DB was born by ELCS, I’ve tried EBF, but MiL insists on FF. DH and DSD agree. I think she is being a CF. AIBU?