Can't see the point of this holiday

lurchersforever · 2024-08-04T08:02:53+00:00

Currently on a trip with my two teen boys using rail to visit three European cities. We are just under halfway through the two weeks and in the second city. On paper it's an ideal trip and the sort of thing we usually do. I love the apartments we're in and the first was also lovely. Boys had a hand in planning the trip and have had their moments but mainly been fine/good. But I just feel so weary and it all feels pointless and horribly expensive. I can afford it but with them both about to go to uni in the next five years it feels wasteful. I feel like we're dragging ourselves around looking at stuff that only one ds really cares about (history fanatic) while the other one is counting down to the next phone stop. I feel on the verge of tears half the time but not because they've done anything awful. It's been an utterly awful year at work and issues aren't resolved so maybe that's why. Has anyone else felt this way on holiday? All I can see is another 8 days of paying out money for things that no one/some of us don't even want. I've loved being a single parent to them over the last decade and especially the holidays we've done. But now I just feel lonely yet also sad it's probably one of the last such holidays even though I'm not really liking it!

MsVestibule · 04/08/2024 09:09

What an awful way to be feeling in what sounds like a great holiday. Do you think your boys are enjoying it?

Sorry to be an armchair psychiatrist, but are you suffering from depression? I vividly remember when I had PND, pushing my baby around a lake on a lovely sunny family day out, feeling absolutely wretched, wondering why I couldn't enjoy what should be a nice moment.

minipie · 04/08/2024 09:10

Oh dear. Well it does seem unfair
if it’s all based around the interests of only 1 of 3 of you. Can you mix it up a bit more? Historical site in the am, then something for you/other DS for the rest of the day? What do you and he like to do and what are the cities?

bergamotorange · 04/08/2024 09:13

You sound exhausted, or perhaps burnt out, or maybe even depressed.

Try to focus on a smaller picture each day - what will make today a decent enough day?

Don't put pressure on yourself to have an amazing time. Respect how you feel and look after yourself. When you get home, investigate your emotional/mental health situation properly.

SnapBang · 04/08/2024 09:15

What did you mean “about to go to uni in the next five years”… five years is a very long time. You seem to say it’s an ideal trip for you all on paper but then also say it’s pointless - well holidays usually are pointless, that’s the point. They’re just for enjoyment and because you want to. Do you think the work problems are stressing you out? I hope you manage to relax and enjoy the moment, it sounds like a great holiday.

Longhotsummers · 04/08/2024 09:18

Are you in the go the whole time - if so, that is exhausting. Have you built in time to just stop and relax? It sounds a great holiday but busy to me.

mybeautifulhorse · 04/08/2024 09:33

It sounds like a great holiday, but also not a 'holiday' - if you see what I mean? Are you getting time to chill out, rest and just 'be'?

I have holidays with three young children so we're up early, on the go, refereeing their squabbles etc and it doesn't feel very restful. But we do try to build in some down time for everyone too and this year we had a lovely week which felt a good balance.

With older children some of the parenting bits can be easier, but it still sounds like you are all on the go a lot. It also sounds like you've put a bit of pressure on the trip to be good for them, when maybe it's not actually what you want? Could you mix it up over the next couple of days, sack off the historical sights and chill on the beach (or whatever relaxing landmarks there are!), potter about with an ice cream and read a nice book? Sort of a reset?

StamppotAndGravy · 04/08/2024 09:37

Where are you? It sounds like a chill day away from all the planning might be good. Something like an open air swimming pool or lake? Then phone kid can spend all day on his phone, you can snooze and swim, and everyone can chat and eat fries.

I second the PP who suggested depression though. It sounds like you've been running on nerves and adrenaline and there's nothing left in the tank now you're on holiday. Maybe book a GP appointment when you're home.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 04/08/2024 09:40

2 weeks is a long time to go on holiday anyway, and a long time for that kind of up and go, moving around, lots of walking type of trip. Can you pick a place with a beach to stay for a couple of days and chill?

Moonflowered · 04/08/2024 09:45

We've done a couple of train holidays with children and they've been great, but not relaxing. I'm glad we did them, but I felt like I needed another holiday to recover afterwards. My dc are a bit younger so we can still build in playground stops, and on one trip we unexpectedly ended up right by an outdoor pool which was lovely. Are there any city passes available in your next stops? That sometimes works out better value for money but depends what you want to see. Cities do tend to be more history and gallery focused so your dc who likes history has the advantage - is there a beach or swimming river or some kind of outdoor activity anywhere within reach?

Tadpole10 · 04/08/2024 09:46

StamppotAndGravy · 04/08/2024 09:37

Where are you? It sounds like a chill day away from all the planning might be good. Something like an open air swimming pool or lake? Then phone kid can spend all day on his phone, you can snooze and swim, and everyone can chat and eat fries.

I second the PP who suggested depression though. It sounds like you've been running on nerves and adrenaline and there's nothing left in the tank now you're on holiday. Maybe book a GP appointment when you're home.

Definitely this- at least one chill out day required.

Original poster

lurchersforever · 04/08/2024 09:49

Thanks everyone. I have considered the idea of depression but I don't know how bad you have to feel. Sometimes I'm ok. Boys vetoed beach holidays and pools years ago but we're definitely having a quiet day today and haven't left the apartment yet and I'm not even showered.

The problem with ds2 is he's not really interested in anything you can do on holiday! It makes it hard to take it in turns to pick activities as his pick would be sit on phone! That's always been the way though and I normally cope and he's generally amenable to stuff, just not massively enthusiastic. It's just this time I'm coping less well.

OP posts:

WonderingWanda · 04/08/2024 09:51

I think if you are exhausted after a challenging year at work then travelling around is probably not quite the holiday you needed. You probably need a week laying down on a sun lounger and an AI buffet to feed the kids. It sounds like you are burnt out.

How fixed is your schedule? Could you stop a bit longer in one place and miss some others so you can just rest? Or could your dc go off and sightsee together while you park yourself in a park or on a beach with a good book?

mybeautifulhorse · 04/08/2024 09:54

WonderingWanda · 04/08/2024 09:51

I think if you are exhausted after a challenging year at work then travelling around is probably not quite the holiday you needed. You probably need a week laying down on a sun lounger and an AI buffet to feed the kids. It sounds like you are burnt out.

How fixed is your schedule? Could you stop a bit longer in one place and miss some others so you can just rest? Or could your dc go off and sightsee together while you park yourself in a park or on a beach with a good book?

I agree with this.

Our honeymoon was this kind of thing only three weeks (we drove to Italy stopping in a bunch of other countries) and about halfway through we were knackered and decided to rejig the plans and booked a last minute few days to lie on a beach and chill.

If you can change things up and get some rest you might feel more enthusiastic for the last bit of the holiday.

hopeishere · 04/08/2024 09:55

It's tough. My DS is the same - not interested in history / art / photography / food. We go places but he's never that "impressed" if you know who what I mean.

Don't feel guilty about and nothing day.

Are they old enough you could leave them and go to a cafe or do a bit of shopping alone?

leccybill · 04/08/2024 09:56

Sympathies, OP. I'm on holiday in a lovely place with a teen. We're having a nice time but a bit in each other's pockets with no new chat at each meal.
What doesn't help is I always feel a bit mournful about the lovely times we had when she was a toddler/child.
I also had an accident yesterday so I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and ready to go home really. Go easy on yourself, holidays aren't always non-stop fun and joy.

LIZS · 04/08/2024 09:57

There must be something ds2 would like to do, why did he agree to the trip otherwise. Are they old enough to go off independently while you take time out?

showeringthisaft · 04/08/2024 09:58

The problem with ds2 is he's not really interested in anything you can do on holiday! It makes it hard to take it in turns to pick activities as his pick would be sit on phone! That's always been the way though and I normally cope and he's generally amenable to stuff, just not massively enthusiastic. It's just this time I'm coping less well.

In that case you can choose what to do and he can sit on his phone, it won't make any difference to him.

Focus on finding some relaxing/free things to do.

Sunnydiary · 04/08/2024 10:00

This reminds me of a holiday with my two older teens where I actually broke down and told them I had spent £6k on their fucking holiday so the least they could do would be to fucking well enjoy it 😂😂😂

Obviously that went down really well.

It seems both DS are actually enjoying themselves, but what would you like to do? If you want to sit in a park/outside a cafe for three hours people watching, just do it. DS history buff can wander into the church across the square, and DS surgically attached to phone can go with him or sit with you, or sit at an adjacent place that has WiFi?

It is your holiday too!

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 04/08/2024 10:03

The boys may have vetoed beach holidays and pools years ago but what do you want? I know people say 'it 's all about the kids' but I don't agree. Part of being a family is compromise and if you want to sit on a beach or by the pool for a couple of days they should be willing to support that, they aren't little kids.

Saltedbutter · 04/08/2024 10:05

lurchersforever · 04/08/2024 09:49

Thanks everyone. I have considered the idea of depression but I don't know how bad you have to feel. Sometimes I'm ok. Boys vetoed beach holidays and pools years ago but we're definitely having a quiet day today and haven't left the apartment yet and I'm not even showered.

The problem with ds2 is he's not really interested in anything you can do on holiday! It makes it hard to take it in turns to pick activities as his pick would be sit on phone! That's always been the way though and I normally cope and he's generally amenable to stuff, just not massively enthusiastic. It's just this time I'm coping less well.

The boys vetoed it? Do they pay for the holidays?

They’re only there because you work hard to pay for it. What do YOU want to do? If you want a few days at the beach or doing something else then that’s where you go. They can suck it up and I’m sure within an hour they’ll be enjoying themselves. It sounds like this trip is only accommodating one of you as it is!

Beautiful3 · 04/08/2024 10:11

You're tired and need time.to relax. Travelling all over the place is definitely not relaxing. I think you're body's realised this isn't what you need. Could you cut the trip short and go home? Fill up the padding pool, get some drinks in and relax the last week?

zingally · 04/08/2024 10:13

2 weeks is a long time for a "go, go, go" holiday. Especially one where you're responsible for getting you all from A to B, rather than, say, on an organised tour.

It sounds like you are quite burnt out/stressed from work. And maybe some chill days are needed. Sack off the historical sites for a day or two, and concentrate on seeing the place like a local and finding the hang-out spots. After all, for your history nerd kid, these places will still be here 10-15 years from now when he can come on his own, and nerd 'til his heart's content.

Hummingbird75 · 04/08/2024 10:13

Your 'holiday' sounds like anything but, and you are exhausted and burnt out.
Build in some days by the pool with a book, a massage, some quiet time. This trip should not be all about your dc, but you as well. If they want to swim, read or relax or sit on a device that is up to them. You are not going to feel any better until you have had time to relax and recover.

midgetastic · 04/08/2024 10:14

Each of you gets a turn at choosing what to do and anyone who spoils it loses a turn

Theonlymelster · 04/08/2024 10:17

This sounds like peri-menopause, it's how I felt, could it be that? I would maybe suggest, if it's feasible, why not pick one place near the sea with places of interest within reach and you can chill out and the boys can go on organised day trips.