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AIBU?

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Original poster

Befriending a bully

26 replies

Flute56 · 04/08/2024 04:04

I found a thread on this subject but couldn't post because it was too old so I'm making a new threat long story short a girl I went to school with bullied me yes later she contacted me on social media and was sorry and we have met up a couple of times for coffee on the Old thread people were advising not to pursue it even if the person has changed and a person who bullied me has got some quite awful health problems and she said to me that she was a buddy because she was bullied but by the same token I was bullied but didn't make me turn out into a bully so I think when she said that it was just an excuse adults we have fairly sling Common so I don't see how a friendship can be pursued

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 04:07

When I first met up with her for coffee it went all right and that's what I would phone her she never picked up the phone and she messaged me to say I will phone you back but never did and to this day we have never spoken on the phone and I don't think we ever will I'm not sure where to suggest a friendship and just leave it in the past I think she's genuinely sorry but I cannot seem to shake off the way she treated me at school

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Softycatchymonkeys · 04/08/2024 04:15

That was hard to read without punctuation

Kitkatcatflap · 04/08/2024 04:15

She has said sorry and you have accepted it. I suspect she needed to get it off her chest and say sorry and you needed to hear that she had acknowledged how much she had hurt you. Leave it there. You don't have the be friends. It doesn't sound as if there is a natural connection there aside from your past. Don't feel you have to persue a friendship because she has health issues either. Don't contact her anymore.

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 04/08/2024 04:28

You’re right to move on , and have no obligation whatsoever to pursue friendship with your previous bully. You can and have forgiven the person, but do not need to pretend that you have forgotten or forgive her behaviour

.

Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 05:12

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 04/08/2024 04:28

You’re right to move on , and have no obligation whatsoever to pursue friendship with your previous bully. You can and have forgiven the person, but do not need to pretend that you have forgotten or forgive her behaviour

.

She is on my Facebook do I then delete her off my Facebook because when she sees that I have deleted she will wonder why because his father she is concerned we met for coffee a couple of times and got on quite well which is true so she would be surprised that I have now deleted if I decide to go down that route

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Rafting2022 · 04/08/2024 05:15

You don’t owe her any explanation. If you don’t want to remove her from Facebook just fade out the friendship (if you can call
it that).

Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 05:17

I don't understand why people put each other on each other's Facebook if they don't really like the person and don't want contact then they have to go through all the butter of deleting them she has not deleted me so she clearly has no intention of doing so but if I want to call it a day then I have to delete her from my Facebook and somebody wants said to me you don't need to delete somebody off Facebook you just don't contact them anymore but you may not want the person to see your business from your Facebook so from that point of view you ought to delete them

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Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 05:22

Also I am sorry she's suffering with her health but I don't think her health is as bad as she makes out because when I see her she doesn't look that bad so I think she's playing the sympathy card

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Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 05:34

She also played the Victim by telling me she bullied people because she has self was bullied by someone at school but so was I I was bullied by her and somebody else but he never made me become a bully because I knew that bullying was wrong so although I've met up with this x school friend she sounds bad news in an under-handed sort of way she's covering it up very cleverly because she doesn't appear to be a bully anymore but she is sneaky by playing the victim about her health and her actions

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Lovingsummers · 04/08/2024 05:47

She's looking to justify her actions. She should be apologising without conditions, if she's to be taken seriously. She probably apologised for herself, not for you.

It's up to you what you did but I know there are some people I wouldn't give the time of day to.

crockofshite · 04/08/2024 06:03

Flute56 · 04/08/2024 05:17

I don't understand why people put each other on each other's Facebook if they don't really like the person and don't want contact then they have to go through all the butter of deleting them she has not deleted me so she clearly has no intention of doing so but if I want to call it a day then I have to delete her from my Facebook and somebody wants said to me you don't need to delete somebody off Facebook you just don't contact them anymore but you may not want the person to see your business from your Facebook so from that point of view you ought to delete them

She's added you to Facebook because she's nosey about your life.

Seems to me she got in touch to apologise about the bullying for HER benefit, not yours . She doesn't want to be your friend.

I'd delete her from Facebook, don't respond to any more messages or approaches from her and forget about her.

Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 06:04

NotNot sure what to do whether to just stop contacting her or to contact her and say I don't think things are working out I don't think we should have any more contact because although I forgive you you've told me that you bullied me because you were bullied and other people have been bullied but it didn't make them into bullies and I can't forget that so I think it's best to be call it a day

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Overtheatlantic · 04/08/2024 06:07

Why don’t you use punctuation?

Fraaahnces · 04/08/2024 06:08

You can also let her know (privately) that you don’t believe that she is genuinely remorseful for her behaviour and that you’re happier without her victimhood bullshit in your life.

paradisecircus · 04/08/2024 06:11

May be wrong, but it doesn't sound as though this will turn into much of a friendship beyond the initial meetings. I think the best thing is to just let contact gradually drop (maybe delete her further down the line) unless you really feel that you need to say something to her about the bullying.

crockofshite · 04/08/2024 06:13

I genuinely don't believe she cares how you feel.

Block her, without explanation, and move on.

Don't accept friend requests from people who you don't want to see your posts.

Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 06:30

paradisecircus · 04/08/2024 06:11

May be wrong, but it doesn't sound as though this will turn into much of a friendship beyond the initial meetings. I think the best thing is to just let contact gradually drop (maybe delete her further down the line) unless you really feel that you need to say something to her about the bullying.

Yes just cease contact. I was going to tell her about my holiday but she didnt ask so i didnt say but of course i told her i was going and she said she is planning a walking holidày. I dont think so in her state of health in acute pain but that mighy be fabricated. Im beginning to see through her so timeto get rif

Thanks for replies

OP posts:
TransformerZ · 04/08/2024 06:38

🤣
OP at least use capital letters and a full stop.

Sorry, I've just realised you finally did.

BlastedPimples · 04/08/2024 07:32

Just don't do anything.

Don't contact her.

Mute her on FB or restrict her access to your account.

Just no drama. Quietly disappear from her.

If she contacts you again, always be polite but don't meet up or anything. What for? There is nothing to be gained from this person.

Kitkatcatflap · 04/08/2024 08:27

Not one person has suggested you continue a friendship with this woman. As for Facebook - put her on 'mute:
She stays on your friendship list - her is the official explanation:-

When you mute someone, their content will no longer appear on your feed, and you won't receive notifications for their posts or activities. Muting is a way to personalize and curate your social media experience, enabling you to control the content you see without severing the connection with that person or account.

TheSerenePinkOrca · 04/08/2024 08:32

Did you write all that drunk?!?!

If you wanna be friends then that's fine. If you don't then that's also fine.

Stop making into a drama.

You don't have to even block her. Just restrict what she can see and unfollow her.

Meadowwild · 04/08/2024 08:34

Flute56 · 04/08/2024 04:07

When I first met up with her for coffee it went all right and that's what I would phone her she never picked up the phone and she messaged me to say I will phone you back but never did and to this day we have never spoken on the phone and I don't think we ever will I'm not sure where to suggest a friendship and just leave it in the past I think she's genuinely sorry but I cannot seem to shake off the way she treated me at school

I suspect nor can she. I bet seeing you again made her feel really unsettled about how she treated you and she is unlikely to be ready to properly confront it or make amends.

Put her out of your mind as a potential friend. She reached out and apologised. My lovely sis bullied someone at school. She didn't even realise she was bullying them. She thought they were close friends and it was fun teasing. Our family background made it hard to see appropriate boundaries. She now feels so guilty and has reached out to the woman who has never returned her messages, as is her right.

DatingDinosaur · 04/08/2024 09:12

She contacted you to apologise? Or maybe she's bored her friends with her health issues so catfishing past acquaintances for sympathy kibbles.

Her only being in contact when it suits her is a massive red flag that she's just using you.

I'd leave it be and let it fizzle.

Shiningout · 04/08/2024 09:16

This really isn't a complex issue. If you want to be friends with her then do so, if you don't which it sounds like you don't, just don't.

Original poster
Flute56 · 04/08/2024 09:51

I have muted her from Facebook and blocked her from WhatsApp

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