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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Told my DP I think I have a alcohol problem

48 replies

PopIT95 · 03/08/2024 18:20

Won’t go into details but I think I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

I told him and all hell has broken loose. Threatening to tell my parents when I don’t want them to know or if I do want them to know I’ll tell them in my own time. Scared and lonely

OP posts:

Sunnydiary · 03/08/2024 18:22

Well that doesn’t sound very helpful.

There is an alcohol support group on this forum, just look on the talk subjects.

Why is he reacting so badly? Do you have young children he thinks are at risk? Have you been drinking and driving?

Threatening to tell your parents is rather odd.

Neveranynamesleft · 03/08/2024 18:25

Why do you think you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol ?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2024 18:25

You need to get rid of your partner. His threats to you are completely unacceptable. Why do I have a feeling that they are a significant cause of any stress you might have...

Musicaltheatremum · 03/08/2024 18:25

Well done for admitting it. After another late night argument due to my excessive alcohol intake I decided to stop.My husband was getting fed up with the fights and though he didn't fully say it I think he might have left if I didn't change. I was secretly drinking every day. Taking swigs from the bottle when he was out the room and had no off switch once I started.

He threatened to tell my dad and children (not his children) but I persuaded him not to.

I stopped 8 days ago so all really fresh. It's not been too bad.

I'm sorry he's not supporting you. Was he aware of the problems?

Wishing you support in getting things under control.

I think mine was triggered by lockdown...I'm a GP and it was horrendous we were so busy for months after month and my mother's rapid and sudden illness and death and I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to for her.

Neveranynamesleft · 03/08/2024 18:26

I know you say you wont go into details but it would help if you could say what has got you to this point.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 18:26

I’m really angry on your behalf. You trusted him enough to tell him something very personal and his first thought is to tell others?! That’s not on. You need support, not judgement. Please, don’t let him browbeat you.
You’re clearly not going to get that support from him. Would you consider AA or similar, where you’ll be welcomed and not judged or made to feel somehow shameful?
You've been very brave and honest and deserved better.

Original poster

PopIT95 · 03/08/2024 18:29

Well he’s phoned my parents are they are on the way to our house. Feel like I’m going to get shit left right and centre. Will update soon

OP posts:

Marinerscove · 03/08/2024 18:29

OP, I have been there! It is the hardest thing to open up to someone so his reaction is awful!!! You deserve better. What will happen if he tells them? I am sure they will support you no matter what. Forget him and focus on you! You acknowledged that you have an unhealthy relationship, so it means you are ready to fix it. Feel free to message me if you want to chat about it. Its tough but you come out the other end, I promise! Hugs to you x

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2024 18:30

PopIT95 · 03/08/2024 18:29

Well he’s phoned my parents are they are on the way to our house. Feel like I’m going to get shit left right and centre. Will update soon

Op, this is absolutely insane. You do not have to participate in this "meeting", especially if it's going to be nothing but abuse and criticism. You are allowed to leave.

InterestQ · 03/08/2024 18:31

He sounds like the worst person to tell. Does he get off on creating drama?

All this needed to be was a hug and an offer of support in whatever way you feel you need it. Then you work it out together day by day.

TheShiningCarpet · 03/08/2024 18:31

Maybe you need to hear how your relationship with alchohol has impacted them…maybe they have wanted to say something for a while but felt they couldn’t

best success will be with support - have you found a group that can help you?

Musicaltheatremum · 03/08/2024 18:32

@PopIT95 I hope your parents are supportive of you. Hopefully not as idiotic as your husband.

When I agreed I was misusing alcohol and would stop he was so relieved. He can take or leave alcohol so doesn't bother.

Original poster

PopIT95 · 03/08/2024 18:32

so scared. Something so personal I feel like is going to blow up. I need a hug not 3 people shouting at me

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 18:35

Can you go out? You have no business ligation whatsoever to engage. If you drive, go somewhere peaceful for a while.

He's really let you down. Unforgiveable.

NotTooOldPaul · 03/08/2024 18:35

I was a trained alcohol and drug abuse counsellor.
You have done the hardest and most important step by thinking you have a problem. Well done. Your husband should be proud of you for admiting this.
If you want advice PM me.

TheShiningCarpet · 03/08/2024 18:35

Tell them that. Ask for what you need

find a support group as well

keylimedog · 03/08/2024 18:35

What sort of problem have you admitted to him you think you have?

If my DH told me he was an alcoholic, drinking at work / when driving / every day etc then I probably would inform his parents, especially if he's a danger to himself and others. If it was just him saying he binge drinks once or twice a week and feels crap after, I wouldn't be ringing in reinforcements.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 18:36

Business litigation? Obligation. Sorry, predictive text.

KeyboardMash · 03/08/2024 18:36

Jesus. Why in earth are they shouting at you?! This is so backwards - surely the shouting happens when they can see the problem but you're unable to admit it?!

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from them. I would strongly advise some kind of support group so you can get the help they clearly can't give you. Good luck.

TipsyMaker · 03/08/2024 18:37

I would not sit and be part of a meeting who are going to give you tons of shit for admitting you need help. The moment anyone has a go at you I'd be leaving and tell them all to shove it

TheShiningCarpet · 03/08/2024 18:37

KeyboardMash · 03/08/2024 18:36

Jesus. Why in earth are they shouting at you?! This is so backwards - surely the shouting happens when they can see the problem but you're unable to admit it?!

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from them. I would strongly advise some kind of support group so you can get the help they clearly can't give you. Good luck.

To be fair, the OP has not given details of her behaviour and history - and she shouldn’t have to, but there might be reasons why family and partner might not be overjoyed at this precise moment

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 18:38

keylimedog · Today 18:35
What sort of problem have you admitted to him you think you have?
**
If my DH told me he was an alcoholic, drinking at work / when driving / every day etc then I probably would inform his parents, especially if he's a danger to himself and others. If it was just him saying he binge drinks once or twice a week and feels crap after, I wouldn't be ringing in reinforcements.

Then you’re just as bad/unempathetic as OP’s husband.

Snacksgalore · 03/08/2024 18:38

PopIT95 · 03/08/2024 18:29

Well he’s phoned my parents are they are on the way to our house. Feel like I’m going to get shit left right and centre. Will update soon

Can you leave and go to a friends house, cinema or a hotel?

I wouldn’t be putting up with being shouted at, especially at this time.

Sunnydiary · 03/08/2024 18:39

I would probably go out OP. Is there anywhere you can go to be safe?

Can you afford a Premier Inn for the night?

Mindymomo · 03/08/2024 18:42

I hope you get more support than you’ve got from your partner, you’ve admitted you think you have a problem, shame your partner doesn’t seem to understand. Hopefully it will be best if everyone knows and can support you.

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