Told my DP I think I have a alcohol problem

[PopIT95]

Won’t go into details but I think I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

I told him and all hell has broken loose. Threatening to tell my parents when I don’t want them to know or if I do want them to know I’ll tell them in my own time. Scared and lonely

He has told them now and they are on there way so you have to deal with it. All 3 of them are scared just as you are. You need help from those around you, you are not an island and your drinking hasn't just affected you ( no matter what you tell yourself) Be open to help as you really do need it. I wish you luck and strength.

Getonwitit · Today 18:50
He has told them now and they are on there way so you have to deal with it”

No she doesn’t. She told her husband in confidence and he has let her down. She has no obligation whatsoever to talk to anyone she doesn’t want to.

Just sending you strength and love

It sounds like the real problem is your husband. Sorry OP. Good on you for admitting you have a problem, but he’s also one of them. You need support not this, how awful.

I just feel so awful on my parents as my brother is an alcoholic

@PopIT95 you did a brilliant, brave and honest thing.
No matter how much shit you are getting from the people around you, please know that you are a good person and you don't deserve that treatment.
Sending you a big hug. 💞

I'm so sorry you're now in this situation. It must have taken so much strength to admit that to your husband. He's so out of order for calling your parents, that should be your choice if you want them to know.

As PPs have said, you don't need to do this right now if you're not ready. Or tell them you just need a hug and support and not berated.

you are not responsible for how they feel about things… can you feel sorry for yourself that you are struggling with alcohol? Can you show yourself some compassion?

Wow, there’s be no coming bk from this for me. He’d be history. I’m sorry he betrayed your trust when you had the courage to be honest with him.

Thats a very strange reaction from your dp. Surely he’d be glad you’ve admitted the problem. All hell breaking loose is usually because someone won’t admit to it. Well done you for acknowledging it.

Try to stay focused on why you’re drinking and how you’re going to deal with it rather than the drama.

You could leave and go to an AA meeting right now if you wanted to. You'll get a cup of tea/coffee and no one will shout at you. They won't mind if you go in late. Well done for doing the hardest part.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/find-a-meeting/

Leave your family the number for Al Anon and leave them to shout at each other.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/getting-help/faq/#

I’m sorry to be pedantic but feeling sorry for yourself (for whatever reason) is the last thing someone with a drink problem should be encouraged to feel.

Compassion and pity are two different things. If the op has any hope at all to overcome her problem with alcohol and the underlying issues which contribute to her drinking, she must be able to find compassion for herself. She needs to feel that regardless of any mistakes she's made, she is valuable and deserves happiness. She can't undo things she's done, but she can change and do better today and in the future.

I agree but ‘feeling sorry for yourself’ isn’t the same as compassion for yourself. I was referring to the poster who said can’t she feel sorry for herself.

Ah this rings true to me.
My husband told my Mum that I had said this, and I was blind sided by a fucking intervention that I did not need. That was six months ago. Just did not need that then and it's taken me time to work out how to help myself.
I am attending my alcohol support assessment on Monday (on my terms). It's been a big step. Have told husband. He can't quite decide whether to be pleased or continue to gaslight me (he's done a great number on the latter this evening).
I am sitting with myself rather than engage with his toxicity. It may be the end - which would be sad after 30 years together - but he uses my wine consumption as a stick to beat me with when he's out 5/7 evenings (always drinking - but it's 'his job').
Not minimising my problem. It is mine and I am seeking help. But I'm doing it for myself, not him.

You have a dp problem x

At the moment you are brave enough to confide in your partner he runs to your parents against your wishes? Either you are a child and your parents should be informed or your so called partner is a twat. Tomorrow is a new day and use that day to get some proper support. Contact your local alcoholics group and arrange to speak to your gp. Good luck in recovery OP. Owning it is the first step

OP is an emotional and vulnerable state right now. I used the OPs words and then reframed it in a different way. The point being that it’s going to take a lot of strength to get through this and better to focus on herself, not displacing or avoiding by assuming/focussing on how others are feeling and then taking that on

@PopIT95 why on earth would he phone your PARENTS?!?! Are you still a teenager or something??

It's good you recognise you have a problem. Now you just need a hug and never touch alcohol again so need something to do when you'd normally habe a drink.

Personally I'd go for a long walk if your parents are on their way over!!

You may or may not have a drink problem. However you defo have a DP problem. Getting rid of the unsupportive arse may help the drinking.. just saying.

That’s horrid of your DP. Get help to be safe and supported to end the relationship.

How awful of him, OP. Have a look on the Alcohol Support section - there's lots of help there.

How are you doing now, @PopIT95?