To be panicking about DC’s employability post uni?

[NeedXanaxPlease]

DD is going into the final year of an Anthropology degree (might get a first but probably a 2:1) from a top RG uni. Has done a Fine Art foundation year. Always worked part time since finishing A-levels (Maths, English Lit, Art), first as a barista/front of house/waitressing, then as an after-school nanny during uni.
She loves working, is highly responsible, great people skills (and people judgement) and quite numerate/commercially savvy. She is a great kid and would be an asset to any team. But… she hasn’t had a single internship so no “relevant” work experience (didn’t get her act together after first year and a long recovery post an operation for a sporting injury after second year) nor does she really know what she wants to do after graduation. She is definitely not pursuing the classic investment banking, Bain/BCG/McKinsey, accountancy, law routes.
I am now feeling highly anxious and helpless as I don’t know how to support/guide her. I did the classic Tier 1 strategy consulting, MBA, corporate M&A so I am spending hours each week helping my friends’ kids who want to pursue this path (mock case studies, mock interviews, CV reviews) but am at a complete loss re how to help my own. I feel that I am spiralling. This is not helped by my being involved in graduate recruitment at my work – CVs I see are all full of Economics/Management/Sciences degrees, multiple internships/work experiences/summer schools – they are highly structured and tick all the boxes (to an extent where I can’t differentiate between them). My DD wouldn’t stand a chance on paper.
Sage mumsnetters, please reassure me that she can get a job without internships and with a “soft” degree? Does she stand a chance with graduate schemes? Should she even bother applying? What potential career routes she could explore?

God, this is so depressing

At your daughter's age my DP hadn't been to university and was working in a trade. He did eventually go and then got a graduate job in London but a few years in to it we decided to settle back up north. This meant he had to take a very low paid internship (that didn't require a degree) as there were far fewer jobs. He's now doing very well and out earning what he could have in London.

Not everybody has a clear path and at 22 and that's ok!

I faffed about leaving one degree and taking a year out of my next one. I then took time out to travel. I'm doing well now and have just taken a slightly different path.

As much as you want to help let her find her own way, it doesn't have to be what you're familiar with or what other young adults are doing. It's also ok if she tries out a few jobs before deciding what to do.

Civil service fast stream. Great career for using your brain, very varied jobs on offer so you don't get board, humanities degrees etc very welcome. Lots of challenge/autonomy at an early stage, really fascinating work and opportunity to develop lots of skills. Downside is government obviously doesn't pay as well as other things, though it is of course possible to move out of government with work experience under your belt. And on the fast stream itself, the grad scheme, you can't choose your exact jobs so c.3y of being under someone else's control. But that's a very minor issue and they do take preference into account

So because your 18-year-old likes London, you’re panicking at the idea she might need to live and work somewhere other than London for a while? Like millions of other people do?

Poor, poor mite, cast out to find her way among the provincials who just don’t understand diversity etc.

a great career path with progression, pension, and a chance to meet a wonderful vetted man (beats any internet dating in my view),

🙄

If she has time this summer Eventbrite is a good place to start. There are hundreds of free networking events and talks. These are often good places to meet people and pick up some work experience and get your name/face known.

For crying out loud, when did mothers of today become so anxious and think Molly coddling is the answer.

Ask yourself this, what's the worst that happens? She leaves university and there's a job shortage or recession. Poor mite is rejected from every interview she lands or worst still can't land any.

What are the consequences? Low self esteem? Feeling frustrated? I guess she will still live at home and won't have to pay rent and bills or have a family to support....

Have you ever thought she might learn life skills in the process that will help out later. Or do you plan to hold her hand well into her 30s too?

As someone who left university in the 2008 recession, couldn't get a job, and didn't have any guidance from my parents, I eventually decided to leave the country - went to work abroad and had a great time. I was able to secure a job between uni and travel (nothing worth holding onto) and between that year long job I really did not like and my year abroad, I came home with a fire in belly to succeed, I felt I was left behind by my school and uni peers in the career stakes, so failing was not an option. I also had a tonne of communication skills from my travels.

Guess what... I got creative with my CV, jobs I was applying for, dropping my guard and going for contact roles. I 'snuck in' through the back door of my first big company by applying for a receptionist maternity contract. Once my foot was in the door my fire in my belly didn't let up and then they bent over backwards to find me a perm job. I worked there for 12 years and got up to Director level - from graduate, no work experience and receptionist contractor.

Don't think I would have achieved the above if mummy had spoon fed me my career, the grit and determination is from your own downfall, not someone wrapping you up in cotton wool.

I'm an academic in the Humanities. So I get the other side - students turning up saying my parents are stressing me the f* out by asking me what my plans are/when I'm going to get a job/what they are going to do with their lives.

My students do lots of different things - some stay in arts allied fields, others go into law/accountancy/grad schemes, lots into teaching, some to MAs (not always wisely). They mostly come out ok in the wash.

Your daughter has her whole life. She will work until she's 70+ probably. Let her spend a year bumming in a coffee shop if that's what she needs to work out what's important to her. (I wish I'd done this. I've been on the academic treadmill non stop since I was 18, as you say about your ex OP... It's brutal.)

For what it's worth, I tell my students that they should either think about a type of job they want to do and look for that, or a type of organisation and apply for anything that they remotely fit. Internships/very badly paid temp work is sadly common in museums, cultural institutions, especially on the curatorial side. If she's wavering at all, don't do any kind of post-grad until she's sure - it's too expensive to waste if you hate it.

Market research? Look at national centre for social research - their website gives a good view of the types of roles available, suits people with an interest in people, society, etc.

No, and I guess she is too relaxed which makes me even more anxious. If she hadn’t been so relaxed she’d have secured an internship (or at least tried).

She is probably too relaxed because she knows Mum will look after her and pick up the pieces.... if she doesn't land an internship of job, send her to the local job centre to find anything that keeps her busy. Maybe she will learn the hard way, after a stint shift working in hospitality or retail that she creates her own destiny and might pull her finger out.

I think you should look at why this is making you so anxious. I understand that you have that recruitment oversight, so you’re viewing your dd’s next steps through that lens, but so do lots of people and you do sound particularly stressed. If she asks for help, I’m sure you’ll be all ears, but barring any really catastrophic decisions (which does not include pursuing alternative career choices to the ones you’ve pre-vetted), I’d take a big step back and think about how to manage your own stress levels around this, which aren’t your dd’s issue.

I found your comments about your own firm very sad. I am sure your DD will have picked up on your views of the corporate world and may want something quite different. We currently have a super keen and very nice Oxbridge summer intern, but in the past I selected a non RG student working pt in the supermarket cutting meat - lovely woman now doing really well in her career. Her CV stood out from those with heavily curated, bought placements abroad and no real-world work. One of my ex- colleagues had a doctorate in anthropology, working in qual and quant research and insight. If she wants to do a doctorate and study in Borneo, let her.

It seems to be a very weird world out there at the moment. DS has had a couple of jobs ice graduating - one an unpaid internship and the other an awful cold selling on commission.

Other than that he hasn't even had any interviews for jobs, although he has applied for many. I have no idea how to help him, although friends of ours have given him loads of advice, checked over his cv and so on.

Having said all this, you sound like you do need to step back and let her get on with things on her own.

What does she actually want to do?
I work with an HE careers service and would suggest she has a browse of www.prospects.ac.uk for some ideas, information and maybe inspiration. It’s a fab resource. Once she has an idea of the direction she might like to go in, talk again to her university’s career service. She should get much more support if she has at least some focus.

Or just let her get on with things in her own time - she’ll learn more if she works all this stuff out for herself!

I did an anthropology undergrad and anthropology masters, then grad scheme in the charity sector. There’s a few of them around. I’ve had a whole career in charity sector and have found well paid, interesting and impactful jobs in London

OP this is really your DCs issue now not yours. She is an adult. Let her be one. She will be fine. She might make some mistakes along the way but dont we all?

A great career springboard is to join the military as an officer for 3 years. The people management skills are unmatched in civilian life at that age, fantastic experiences and a chance to learn more about the world before deciding on a long term career path.

Let her find her own way. It's not your decision to decide what she wants to do next.

For any of the unsure potential grads try the freehttps://www.16personalities.com
Based on Myers briggs to give some ideas of potential careers/ paths.

You’re being very black and white.

A career in finance/law/management and happy

OR

unemployed and miserable?

What about journalism, photography, advertising, NHS, hairdressing, make-up artist, psychotherapist, road sweeper, social media consultant, recruitment, writer, editor, admin, pilot, games developer, artist, social worker…? All off the top of my head.

To me it sounds like you’re panicking she’s not going to be wealthy. God forbid she won’t be able to afford a Rangerover.

There really is more to life. And it’s HER life. She’ll find her way.

Would she be interested in the Royal Navy, OP?

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/joining-options/officers

Odd to use the word “classic” twice in your OP for what is actual a very minority pathway.

YABU and micromanaging.

It's her life, not yours. She may not want high-flying corporate or to follow in your footsteps. Pressuring her, even if unintentionally or indirectly, may have completely the opposite effect from the one you are looking for. She may feel like nothing she does is good enough.

Let her learn to ask for help if she needs it.

There's millions of people that did a degree in something that they're ultimately not working in. Many of them are also successful!

Do you not have any faith in your daughter? Come on now.

Believe it or not, I limit myself to asking her about her job search to once every 5-6 weeks.
This really stood out to me. I have a DS going into year 3 of his degree. We haven't had a conversation beyond 'Got a clue what you want to do yet?'. I think you are overly invested. She will show more interest when term starts and her peers start talking about their hopes and plans. This is what I am expecting with DS who also has no internship. He's got 2 weeks relevant volunteering and is working in a bar this summer.