To give up a great job to be a SAHM

[Confuseddotcom88]

I went back to work part time (3 days a week) about 5 months ago after having DD, my job is pretty great in terms of flexibility and benefits etc and I earn around 20k. My partner works full time and is currently on 42k but this is likely to increase in the next couple of years as he becomes fully qualified. Recently I have been thinking I would like to be a stay at home mum full time, financially this would be viable for us as we are mortgage free and live in the north so things are a little cheaper we would have to sacrifice putting as much away in savings but otherwise would be ok without my income. But is it unreasonable of me to give up such a comfortable job and put more pressure on my partner?

Edit we are also thinking about having a second child and I'd really like to have some one on one time with DD before this happens

Are you married? If not do not give up your income, in the eyes of the law you are room mates and nothing more

True.

Get married then get pregnant. Then become SAHM.

We are not married yet but I have said this is a requirement if I were to leave my job

Are you married firstly? I wouldn't make myself so financially vulnerable without being married or financial independent for security, especially with a child involved.

And then I'd speak to my partner and get their input. Is your partner comfortable with supporting you all? What's his thoughts? I'd have clear boundaries between you in terms of when you'd get a break and splitting household chores, cooking etc.

And lastly I'd consider how long you'd like to be a SAHM for, do you intend to go back into your current field of work? How easy would that be to get back into later down the line?

I've just seen your edit about wanting a second child.

I would:

Get married.
Have baby 2 (getting benefit of mat pay off your current working/earnings).
Become a SAHM if it's the right thing for your family and DH supports this.

Best advice - pop down registry office, it only take ten minutes to get it sorted out. Then you're all sorted out.

Get married then by all means be a SAHM if you want to. I would do something to maintain your own employ-ability though.

I do have ~70k in savings so if things really went tits up we would be ok but I have also said we would need to get married for this to work. Partner is happy with whatever I choose obviously he prefers having the extra income and pressure off him but I think deep down he would be more comfortable with me being a SAHM. I would want to stay this way till any DC we have are at least school age, I could probably get a similar job down the line but I think I would struggle though we have also talked about setting up a business later down the line so this would also be an option once DC are older

I’d worry too much about him being made redundant and my own pension contributions. Is his job reasonably secure? DH and I have had 3 redundancies between us and having the other person still working was a huge relief.

Dont Give up the career. Just make one work for you and your family

I get Carer's Allowance so don't worry about pension contributions, as I am part time student and also a carer to my youngest as well as a SAHM (17 years). Do what is best for your family OP. Just don't rush into anything before having a second DC.

You won't regret giving up work to spend more time with your DC. This precious time will never come back. And yes get married. In your shoes, I would do it.

Are you mortgage-free because you own a house outright in your own name?

People are saying being married gives you financial security, but all it does is entitle you to a share of the assets once you get divorced. That doesn’t mean you won’t need to work again should the worst happen, as that share will probably all go on housing you and the kid/s. I’d want reassurance that I would have a career or job option to fall back on if you ever broke up (which hopefully you won’t !)

Are you new here, OP?

Have you missed the hundreds if not thousands of women over the years who have shared their stories about being shafted when they gave up their career to rely on someone else.

Giving up your financial independence is nuts.

In an ideal world id carry on working till having DC2 so we would get mat pay and then just not go back to work but I feel like I'm missing so much with DD and would like one on one time with her before having any more DC

We own the house outright jointly

This is the thing, I spend my whole work day just wanting to be with DD, I can always get another job ( though possibly not such a good one) but this time will only happen once

In the situation you describe, I would 100% go for it. You won't regret it for a second.

I'm not married and have a 6 month old, I decided to take the whole mat leave but I plan to resign when it's over and stay at home. I understand that financial security is at stake BUT just because you're not married doesn't mean your partner is an a**hole and will leave you in the lurch, penniless, should you separate. Why are people so cynical?
If you're in a good relationship take the plunge and stay at home with your baby, they come first and if you can stay home then absolute do. Jobs will come and go, your most important job is your little one ❤️

My youngest child is now 18, I have been a sahm for 20 years, very happily married to my best friend for 25 years. No one left, no one got shafted, my friend is also in a very similar situation to me. Everyone is happy with the arrangement.

I think the main thing is expectations, what yours are, what your husband's (yes marry him) expectations are and how well you communicate. Mainly finances and division of housework.

Too many times men leave all the housework and child rearing responsibilities to their wives; married, not married, working full time, part time or sahm all applies as seen on here a million times.

We have absolutely no regrets about me being a sahm, it worked incredibly well for us.

Haha thank you, partner is not an AH (only a little bit anyway 😉) and would not shaft us if things went tits up, I also have lots of family nearby and a great support system as well as savings so DD and I are always going to be fine no matter what

It’s your choice of course. Personally I don’t think 42k is enough to build your life off. Children are cheap as babies and get more and more expensive as they get older. Also, babies are cute but sometimes space away during the day is great and really good for you. Only 3 days sounds good. Could you maybe reduce to two days a week though and see how that feels? It’s just a big step and not one I would have done with your circumstances but we are all different and you should do whatever makes you happy. Protect your financial interests if not married and ensure that your partner won’t be one of the men we hear about on here that gives you an allowance or a %age of his wage. All should be split equally and you need to have wage income in a joint account. Hope you enjoy whatever choice you make. The baby says are short and lovely (but it’s also lovely when it ends 🤣)

Under what circumstances do you think you would likely split up?

the least likely reason is you both just come to the conclusion at the same time that your time together has come to an end and with that you give each other a kiss on the cheek, a hug and a cheery goodbye.

Break ups are hard, usually involve hurt feelings on one side at least and often one person being an arsehole.
so in that case, it’s not about being cynical, it’s about understanding that you have almost no rights to anything if you split.

you don’t have a right to accessing any pensions that your partner has or any separate savings they’ve built up. Being totally financially reliant on someone and just hoping they do the right thing in a split is foolish.

if your partner was truly doing right by you, you’d have a pension they paid into and all savings equal. Are they doing that?

Do your finances allow you to continue making the same level of contributions to your pension? Bearing in mind it would need to cover the employer contributions aswell.

What impact will it have your career? Will you need to spend a lot on courses to get back up to sore and relevancy when it's time to rejoin?