To give up a great job to be a SAHM

[Confuseddotcom88]

I went back to work part time (3 days a week) about 5 months ago after having DD, my job is pretty great in terms of flexibility and benefits etc and I earn around 20k. My partner works full time and is currently on 42k but this is likely to increase in the next couple of years as he becomes fully qualified. Recently I have been thinking I would like to be a stay at home mum full time, financially this would be viable for us as we are mortgage free and live in the north so things are a little cheaper we would have to sacrifice putting as much away in savings but otherwise would be ok without my income. But is it unreasonable of me to give up such a comfortable job and put more pressure on my partner?

Edit we are also thinking about having a second child and I'd really like to have some one on one time with DD before this happens

and would not shaft us if things went tits up

I think the majority of people start relationships thinking this but many are proved wrong.

Did you say who owns the house you live mortgage-freein?

Don't give up your career, your future pension, your financial independence and your chance to represent to your DD that women are equal to men and have the same full lives in the world.

Honestly I wouldn’t. Working three days a week gives you lots of time with the children but also gives the security of your own money, pension and retaining some you time away from just being mum (as wonderful as that is).

Could you drop to two days a week as a compromise or take unpaid parental leave etc. They get so expensive as they get older.

Wishing you well whatever you decide.

We have talked about it extensively I'm not just assuming.
We own it jointly (as in 50/50 we both put in equal amounts of money and have done the same for all improvements and repairs)

Mimisunshine- I completely understand that some situations can get messy and it's not all roses when splits happen.
At the risk of sounding naive, I absolutely know that should worse come to worst my partner will not leave his son and I in a bad situation.
Pensions are important, however I didn't say I'm never going back to work. I've already got a good 15 years of tax contribution work under my belt so a couple years off won't hurt.
Forgive me but it's actually very shocking that people do not have faith in the sanctity of marriage/partnership. Why does anyone have a child with someone or a relationship if they're thinking about a potential breakdown of it, that's really sad.
On a last note, I plan to get married because my partner and I are purchasing a house so in that respect it's important to make that step so it's 50/50. With regard to savings, I have my own savings account with a decent amount in there which my partner is aware of and he's happy for me to consider those savings as mine, he has no access to them.

Confuseddotcom- awesome! Family nearby and savings is a great backup, I'm my opinion what more is needed!! People are acting like you'll never work again just because of taking time off, it's insane to me and small minded. Ultimately if you enjoy your job and it works for everyone then of course stay, I wish you the best of luck whatever path you choose x

What I have increasingly come to learn though is that the older they get, the more they need you - just in different ways. Keeping your hand in the workforce is likely to mean more flexibility when they are older too rather than just starting from scratch. But I don’t know what you do.

You absolutely need to be married before handing in your notice.

That aside, yeah, go for it.

My life (as a woman) being full would include spending my days with my daughter not leaving her to go and work... Feminism is about having choices, not forcing women into paid work

No, feminism isn't about choices. Feminism is a movement for the economic, political and social liberation of women.

Why isn't DD's father contemplating giving up his great job to be a SAHF? Why aren't both of you fitting in your hours around DD? Why is it you who is contemplating becoming economically dependent on your child's father?

Yes I’d do as you’re thinking- get married give up work and have another baby. It’s a myth that women (or anyone) can have it all. And being at home is vastly undervalued by so many people and yet so beneficial for those child whose parents want to do this. It’s not for everyone and many people find a mixture of childcare and returning to work part time works best for them. But children thrive best with consistent caregivers and where that can be family then that’s great. You won’t regret it @Confuseddotcom88

DP is not considering being a SAHF because it's not his life long dream, his career that he has is what he finds fulfilling. I on the other hand have dreamed my whole life of being a mother and couldn't give two craps about my job (other than the financial aspect of course). I am considering this because I WANT to.

Working 3 days a week as you do currently is the perfect compromise. Most days are spent with DD but you keep your hand in at work. They're at school before you know it and you'd find yourself having to start at the bottom trying to restart a career.

Not everyone is career minded. Success is measured in many ways, not just in monetary/career terms....

I'd go for it. I was the higher earner and planned to go back, as soon as my first baby was born I knew I wanted to stay at home with them. I was a SAHM for 10 years. We made it work. Went back to work in a school part time when my youngest started school. Yes we'd have more money saved now, yes we'd have 2 cars and have been on more holidays, yes we'd both have more in our pension if I'd carried on working.
The way I see it, I can never get that time back and I'm so glad I did it.

Is it the kind of job you could go back to in a few years?

I was mostly a SAHM before they started school, but kept my hand in doing bits and pieces for my old job occasionally. I was able to go back PT when youngest went to nursery at 3 and increased my hours as I've wanted to do so since.

Everyone is going to be projecting from their workplace and experience, whereas you know the details. Would 2 days be possible? Even that would help.

YANBU OP - go for it! 😊 I’ve had the best almost 7 years now at home with my DS (6) and DD (3), nothing I’ve done before or will do next will ever top this time in my life. It has been amazing to be able to relax and enjoy them, bond with them, cuddle them, witness every first moment, laugh with them all day 🥰 you will not regret it 😊

OP, get married then do what you want. You seem to have already made up your mind.

In your situation definitely, but definitely marriage first without a doubt.

Enjoy it passes so quickly

Definitely get married then pack in the job! I had a great career but stayed at home for 7 years and then went back part time. I always say they were the happiest years of my life. One thing you might want to consider though is for your DP to pay into a private pension for you.