I live in social Hosuing, the council want me to attend mediation with my neighbours who have threatened violence and stolen/broken my property many times

[ausi]

I live in social housing and my local council sent and email saying they are aware of our issues and it can't be nice for anyone involved

They hate me because we exist. A bit of background. We're top flat and they are bottom. They bang up if I so much as hoover (I have a normal shark hoover). They cannot stand I go into my own garden which isn't shared, they cannot stand I have guest over (we don't have loud music or drink etc). I have three young children. They make the acceptable noise level (council has had noise equipment to prove this). Yet they harass me endlessly.

They've stolen my parcels, they've broken the kids bikes, they've cut my hose in my own garden. They've treated to "beat me up" many times over my kids playing. They've thrown smashed glass into my garden to hurt the children.

They are miserable people. They can't see anyone happy. A lot of people have suggested racism as my kids are mixed. I'm not with the kids dad anymore it's just me and my three children. As soon as we split they did so much more

They do such stupid things like throwing my youngest bike into the bushes when it's in my own garden. They've emptied their ash tray on my stairs (we don't share these)
Even things like I get my shopping delivered they go mental about that and that the delivery van shouldn't be parked on the street!!!

The council wants me to go to mediation with my neighbours is there anything I can do?? I've said no the only thing to stop their horrid behaviour is myself putting up cameras and I'm more than happy to keep reporting them to the police. I offered all the police numbers to them

Any time they do these things I just report them to the police

Is there any thing I can do??

It’s a process they have to follow, if you want the situation to be rectified then sadly you will have to go.

Perhaps you could insist on only going if the Council chief executive is present and then only if a meeting straight afterwards with the chief executive takes place. Then ask the chief executive why he or she is effectively through their policies condoning racism.

You can gather evidence, get a video doorbell and take photos of anything damaged.

Keep a diary of all events.Note all crime reference numbers and reports.

You can report it as a hate crime which will be taken seriously by the association. There's an organisation Hope not Hate who may be able to advise. You can also contact Victim Support.

If you have a housing officer, ask for a meeting and discuss. Escalate it to their manager if you're not happy with how it's being dealt with.

There are legal remedies such as a community protection notice and injunctions.

Shelter can also offer advice.

If there's no joy, contact your local MP.

Please do go to mediation- even though you’ll have to do it through gritted teeth you have to play the game if you want a resolution which really is going to be that one of you accepts a move or they get an asbo!

Can you take a friend along for support? If its just you and there are 2+ of them thatd seem reasonable.
Take all evidence with you, and have it organised so if they deny something you can inmediayely hand over the photograph. List out all the issues you've had, with as much in the way of dates, times, as you have.

They will make accusations against you in return. Think what they might be and have a response prepared in advance. EG delivery van - they can park on public road BUT if they block driveways then they should ask driver to move - if they dont you will complain to supermarket on their behalf as they can access the van dashcam footage if driver disputes it. You can then say youve addressed their concerns whilst still getting your deliveries. They look like the idiots they are, you've "fully engaged" with the mediation process.
Complaints about noise - council already looked into that. Etc etc.

They sound vile, but you must go and play the game.

Is it direct or indirect mediation?

Just tell them you are not able to be in the same room as them because of the harassment and intimidation they inflict on you.

Insist on having some form of 'security' due to the deliberate threats and acts of violence. I really feel for you here, the thought of making myself sit in a room with people who are a threat to me and my children would haunt me. I take it you've got some sort of documentary evidence of their behaviour? I'd have it ready for their inevitable denials and minimising

In these types of cases the mediation is done separately. The mediator speaks to each household and negotiates a solution.

@ausi please go to mediation. the fact that you have gone will work in your favour and your housing association may eventually serve them with an asbo order perhaps leading to eviction of them. I can assure you, they know who is at fault and the overseer of the mediation will pass on her notes to association. also, report every single think they do to the council. are other neighbours harassed by them at all? were the previous occupants of your flat harassed by them?? every single thing should be reported the next day after it happens and keep a note yourself. even phone the police if you have to and keep those dates and times noted too.

I was in a similar position. I'm a single parent, vs 4 adults. I had vandalism, death threats, verbal abuse etc. When I said I couldn't face them at mediation, I was told that the only other resolution was for both parties to receive an asbo (called something else now).

Luckily Covid hit so I didn't have to go through it - and their behaviour became horrendous - but Covid also meant I now had witnesses and their behaviour now became illegal (some of them didn't live there) so they did end up with a harassment warning.

Go to mediation, be super reasonable, concentrate on communicating how their actions make you feel (don't get into legalities etc - that's the Councils/Police's job).

They'll come out of mediation looking worse than you as long as you are reasonable, keep calm and truthful.

Former housing officer here, I think op you need to ask for a sit down meeting with your housing officer to discuss what process they have to follow for managing asb.

Mediation only works if both parties are agreeable to it and if its safe for both parties. So if you feel it would be unsafe or you're worried about repercussions afterwards then it's not really a reasonable solution which is what you need to talk through with your housing officer.

That being said, if you do go and you are reasonable and fair and take things on board if there are things you can do (eg agreements on what times you hoover or whatever) and you go away and follow your agreements, then your neighbours are clearly the ones in the wrong if they don't follow theirs which makes it easier for the HO to enforce consequences. The trick here op is making sure you hold your head high and that you (and anyone visiting your house) are nothing but respectful to the neighbours as awful as they are.

Keep a record of everything, ring the police when you need to, report everything to your HO and if you can get a camera then I would be inclined to do so because it sounds here like complaints are being made by both parties and the HO wants to do the mediation so they can clearly see who's the problem/ resolve things. There should be work done individually before you need to come together in Mediation so you could start the process and see how you find it.

Have you read the council's ASB policy? Lots of councils don't suggest mediation where there have been threats of violence...

@daffodilandtulip how could they possibly threatened asbos? Did you do anything to warrant that?

The council is more than aware what they are like so are all my neighbours it's exhausting and feels like there's no win for me

@NoLidlNoJoke I hadn't heard of this I'll look it up and send it to the council. It's the same guy from the start who has dealt with the situation. The only positive outcomes have came from my suggestions. I suggested to put actual flooring in not just very thin carpet on the ground. Once I said these things that only I came up with reasonable solutions did the council leave me alone for about a year. I don't understand why things are being brought up again.

I think her husband is hiding from police or benefit fraud. He used to stay in their house 3 days a week. Now he is an away 6 days and stay for a few hours once a week. He's been known for dodgy dealings before so I assume that's what is going on with him again so surely they want to go unseen by the council not attending mediation?

After 15 years of abuse, damage and death threats where I was totally grey rock - I turned my music up loud so I couldn't hear about ten of them in the garden during covid, for days on end, shouting abuse at me, threatening to follow me when I go on a walk, to throw paint over me, stab me, and general repeated comments about my appearance. Apparently it made us as bad as each other.

@daffodilandtulip that is so wrong I'm sorry that happened to you

What was their reason for being this way? Was it racial or another hate crime? I really wish I could prove my neighbours are doing this because of racial discrimination

Lots of long helpful responses here but mediation is here for this.

Mediation only works if both parties are agreeable to it and if its safe for both parties. So if you feel it would be unsafe or you're worried about repercussions afterwards then it's not really a reasonable solution which is what you need to talk through with your housing officer.

Talk to your housing officer first. If you do have to go to mediation ask Citizens Advice if there’s any support available - a volunteer who might be able to go with you perhaps. Contact your local councillor as well.

This is correct. You will have separate mediation first and only come together in a joint mediation session if both sides agree to it. And the joint mediation would be carefully moderated by two qualified mediators.

Definitely go to mediation, with a friend. Have prepared for the meeting with all the examples of their actions/behaviour outlined. The mediator will give each side time to talk without interruption and time to respond to the other side. Consider what you would want to get out of the meeting. What do you want to happen - so if you are asked you can say. Horrible people (the neighbours!)

I would definitely do it, they will come out looking shit, keep it calm and factual on your side. Turning it down will look worse on you. It’s just a process, play the game, if you turn it down it will look worse in you as ‘you weren’t even willing to mediate’

I'd be calling the police over the threats.

What's to mediate, they harass you, threaten your kids?

In the same way women shouldn't enter counselling with an abusive man, why mediate with your abusers?

I don't get it.

Sometimes you have to play the game - attend mediation but yes, ask to take someone with you, ask for various relevant people to be present, ask for a meeting with your housing officer and anyone else relevant immediately after. Ask what THEY intend to do to ensure you're safe during and following this mediation meeting.

The more willing you look to be, to follow due process and tick the boxes, the better really and the more likely things will be done in your favour.